I bet its gonna be me. Probably gonna be me.
Hey.
Sure.
No.
Stop...
Kevin! Thats inappropriate.
Its ridiculous. Did you talk to him?
You let him walk all over you. Its just pathetic.
Nothing
What about the surprise?
What?
No
What color do you guys think?
I think green is kind of whoreish.
Merediths allergic to dairy
No
Phyllis wanted red
Has anyone seen the first-aid kit?   How many times have I told you? Im the safety officer
Youre ahead.
This is a cold pack...
I dont like to necessarily touch things. Im just... Im shopping.
Yeah
Gray. Dark Gray. Charcoal.
No.
Email forwards.
I hate them. You send me these filthy emails and you say forward them to ten people or youll have bad luck.
You play that.
I do play games. I sing and I dangle things in front of my cats. I play lots of games. Just not at work.
Im sure.
I have one
I call it Pam Pong. I count how many times Jim gets up from his desk and goes to reception to talk to you.
Apparently.
Okay! Everybody!
Do not panic!
Safety partners.
Do not panic.
Go in single file lines.
Arms at your sides! Arms at your sides!
Go
Alright
Come on
Youre safety partners!
The Bible.
A Purpose Driven Life.
No.
The DaVinci Code!
I would take The DaVinci Code... so I could burn The DaVinci Code.
My name is Angela.
You cant go in yet!
Yeah.
Yes.
You know
Yeah.
But we dont keep two sets of books.
Well
... that has three people...
... doing the work that could be done by two.
Those arent chips and dip.
Uh!
Im just trying to figure out why youre sabotaging things.
And I made cookies. Same category.
What about the Halloween party?
Have you signed the expense reports yet?
Michael
This is illegal.
I actually look forward to performance reviews. I did the youth beauty pageant circuit. And I enjoyed that quite a bit. I really enjoy being judged. I believe I hold up very well to even severe scrutiny.
Dont talk about it. Office romances are nobodys business but the people involved.
Sometimes you talk to us real close.
Well
Its hard.
I know.
Hi.
Its ok.
No. Are we supposed to?
Hmm...   Excuse me.
Im just leaving for the day.
Charity. Bake drive.
No!
No
I got sap on me.
Im a vegetarian.
Guh.
I think its alright. Jesus drank wine.
Is there anything were missing? Phyllis
Well see.
Fifty.
Will you help me?
It sounds mean.
Michael should have asked the party planning committee first. Hes not supposed to just spring things on us out of nowhere.
Ill take the poster. Some people like these.
What is that?
There should be some ..
Hey
Its alright.
What is wrong with you?
Hey!
He needs to go right now
I
Hes out sick.
I agree its unacceptable.
This is from Hooters.
Did Toby approve this?
Its nobodys business
We havent finished getting things in order from your last visit.
Were you?
Really?
Ive seen some of your spreadsheets.
Im not gaining anything from this seminar. Im a professional woman. The head of accounting. Im in the healthiest relationship of my life. I just think its insulting that Jan thinks we need this. And
Are you married?
At least you dont have kids. You have no kids
Really? I wouldnt know anything about that
I didnt get anything for Valentines Day.
Really? Well
Nothing for me?
Are we out of jobs?
The very best of luck to you
I am just feeling under the weather. And... I think that I will go home and rest.
Well
Can you put that down there?
No. Thanks. Wed... have to explain everything
I guess I wouldnt mind a pair of small
You know
One thirty.   Im sorry
No. This is a closed door meeting.
You dont know its going to be okay. Dont give him false hope. ...Its probably nothing
Bologna? I dont eat bologna.
No.
No.
Oh. Thank you.
What are--- its... the party planning committee.
Fine.
Yes...   but dont expect any cookie.
No cookie.
No one cares about your birthday. Kevins waiting to hear if he has skin cancer.
I understand.

I dont take any prescription drugs.

No
Do you want to give Michael your urine?
Youre not going to get my permission on this.
I didnt get mine yet.
Can we go? I have a lot of work to do.
Can we just skip to whatever number 5 is - win/win or whatever?
I got this poster for Christmas
Thats... no...
How about
But
Oh. Thanks.
It was hand delivered. But
You already did me.
Yes
What?
You have to pick an approved
We are giving money that has been gambled. Why dont we just deal drugs or prostitute ourselves
Good evening
Then roll an eight.
Good luck
Theres about $3
It is not an accounting error.
It is not an accounting error. Well
Michael said to stop by on your way out.
Are we absolutely sure its not an accounting error?
Me
Thats a very nice watch
Ive never seen it before. He must have died very recently.
Were missing $3
I knew it.
You dont use it to buy refrigerators
So
Its better to be embarrassed by the truth now
Idiot. Now we dont have the element of surprise. Its impossible to trap her
Oh
You didnt take any money at all? Youre sure?
Wed appreciate your cooperation if you find out who did it.
Really
All right. Who should we ask next?
Can we focus
It had to have been someone.
Yeah
Roy wouldnt do it.
He wouldnt do it. He has too much character.
I do not. That is inaprobable... inappropriate.
Stop it! Stop it right now!
Kevin...
Kevin
Kevin
Well
We dont know that.
It obviously isnt Dwight because he has the most integrity of anyone in the office.   What? Did you talk to Kelly?
Fine. Ill write it.
No.
Fine. Ill supervise.
The date should be right-justified.   Right-justified
To whom it may concern? Really
Thank you
We are missing $3
Okay. Yeah.
You gambled petty cash?
Thats not the point. How are we supposed to believe you didnt take the other $3
My friend gave it to me.
Diane... Chester... Snydburgh.
Well
All right
Yeah
You dont have a watch?
You cant look at the clock up there?
I think people should be self-sufficient.
You know
Thank you.
Okay
Its not supposed to be fun. ...Again
Dont touch anything. Youll leave fingerprints.
Stop that.
Receipts maybe. Any evidence he took the money. Or something worth $3
Im gonna go on his computer.
Put it back
Okay
Last eight transactions are to Jacks Joke and Magic Shop.
Paying his electric bill.
Well
Hey
Well
We asked her. She said she didnt do it.
I believe she didnt do it. Are you doubting me?
How did he afford that new waterbed hes always bragging about?
Thats not true.
Well
You did? Where?
Excuse me?
Well
Absolutely not.
Oh...
Very well. Case closed.
It explains so much.
Sure
Watching some of your friends.
Judges and juries!
Sign.
But I dont understand. Its for managers.
I know! It... I was just really hoping we could spend some time together.   Are you still there?
Dont Monkey me! You cant wait to get out of here
In the Martin family
That was for per diem
That town is full of history!
Is there a key for Jane Doe? Thank you.
D?
I dont approve. I dont.
Kitchen.
Michael is going to get us all fired. You sat back and let him play that dumb movie
You know she has it out for him now.
Dwight
Its not up to Michael
Fine! Sit back and do nothing and let us all get fired!
I know that patience and loyalty are good
Congratulations Dwight.
Its really happening!
We can make a difference here.
You alone? Because I thought together we could---
Hi.
I do not wanna talk about this.
We really have a lot of work to do right now.
A dead bird should not be in the kitchen!
But...
Amen.
Sales take a long time.
Im sure Dwight will protect him.
Hes not weird
Youre a freak!
Dont go. They eat monkey brains.
How many gods do you have?
And that blue busty gal? Whats her story?
I find this incredibly offensive.
Well
I wish some of us still had our shoes on.
Im a vegetarian. What can I eat?
Ill just have some bread. You used your hands.
Dry. You look like you were having fun.
I have to watch our shoes so they dont get stolen. Who were you texting?
What about us
I dont want to blame anyone in particular. I think everyones to blame.
I dont want to go all the way to Dunmore.
No seafood.
Oh
No.
Yes!
Oh.
I do like it
Thank you.
Maybe thats because some people treat it like their own private Hooters strip club.
Jan
Look
Last week.
One of the Stamford people is a criminal?
Jan
Hmm.
Andy?
Sure. Lets protect the convicts. At the expense of the general feeling of safety in the workplace. As a 90-pound female that sits in an ill-lit
Do you really expect us to believe youre somebody else?
Dont encourage him
Phyllis
No
It would never work here.
No.
God help you.
These are all terrible ideas and none of them are on the theme of A Nutcracker Christmas. I think you should leave.
You tried this out
This shouldve been up yesterday.
What is that?   The Committee to Plan Parties invites you to a margarita-karaoke Christmas? Theres no such thing as the Committee to Plan Parties.
Well
Two hundred dollars.
No
Phyllis?
Pam
I have a very important announcement to make... about... your paychecks. Umm... Your paychecks will be arriving as scheduled on Friday. And they will be in the correct amount that they are normally in... Please stand by for a very important announcement... refer..  for further regarding your paycheck!
I need to know if I can start the party?
Did Michael give you permission to do this?
Also
Welcome Hannah. You will not be disappointed.
I said you wouldnt be disappointed.
Meredith
No
Brownies. Cupcakes.
I dont back down. My sister and I used to be best friends
Try harder then.   Uh uh. No one has seconds until everyones had some.
Youve got to be kidding. {Kevin takes bite of brownie
Wheres Dwight?
Hey
You cant have it   I dont walk into your house and steal your Hello Kitty backpack.
Did you have fun at Benihanas?
Ive had the worse day here
Im not sure. Does your karaoke machine have Christmas songs?
Oh
Copy
singing
... Shall I play for you
I played my drum for Him
By the end of the day? Thats impossible.
Michael
OK
Did you try the petting zoo?
What?
They arrived this morning.
Is it a big deal? Is it Kevin?
Everything ok?
Thank you.   I... I dont want those.
Hey Pam. Would you like to go with me to grab a coffee?
Yeah
Ok.
This friend of mine - lets call her Noelle - she missed this deadline turning something in to Corporate in New York. But then this gallant gentleman - well call him Kurt - he drove all the way to New York and handed it in for her. Thats... I dont know. I guess he really just likes her a lot.
Yes
Thats great Pam. I like having these little moments with you. You know what? Sprinkles recently had kittens.
I would like to offer you the dominant male. His name is Ash.
Mmm-hmm.
Well then. Have a nice day.
How is going to be ok
I hate those two people more than anything in the entire world.
Dwight
Oscar.
Oscar? I have a question. Would you like to join the party planning committee?
Yeah.
No. No. Certain events have transpired. And Ive thought about certain things. And Im sorry for the way those certain events transpired.   And I would just like to make some changes about certain things and certain situations.
Thank you.
Never.
Yeah.
Oh.
No.
I wanted to let you know that Dwight was late that morning because he was driving to New York to drop off the correlated documents that I forgot to send. Though to be fair
Yes.
None of them. Especially not Andy.
Are you enjoying your fiesta?
Welcome back.
Nothing. You know this is a luncheon shower. Girls only.
Under no circumstance should a man strip off his clothes in this office.
Sparkling cider is very good.

Thank you.
Hi
Thank you. Dont linger. Break left. Left!
Congratulations
... Please dont let that stupid thing near me...
Poop is raining from the ceilings. Poop!
No thank you
You saw it? Describe it please.
Oh...
Well... good for Dwight.
What happened
Mm-hmm.
Goodness.
Youre useless.
Then whatd he do?
Dwight. Dwight. Ive been doing some very interesting reading.
Mm-hmm. Tales of bravery.
Mm-hmm. I was thinking tonight
This is just offensive.
Kellys training us?
I dont have a headache. Im just preparing.
Can you just tell us what we need to do so we can go?
Excuse me? Well
Where are you from? Ohio? Thats nice. So what do you want?   Hes upset about the watermark.
It was an unfortunate error. Were fixing it. And you already got your money back...
...and the company has already apologized
Kevin
Yeah
You two are apes.
Im sorry... that youre both morons.
I called you morons.
Phyllis. Youre a married woman.
What is so funny?
What a surprise.
And when we get mad
This is not work talk.
Malls are just awful and humiliating. Theyre just store after store of these horrible salespeople making a big fuss out of an adult shopping in a juniors section. There are petite adults who are sort of... smaller who need to wear... maybe a kids size 10.
Meredith
Thank you
OK. Im gonna be at the doll store.
Sometimes
Slower. Slower. Meredith.   Slow it up.
Everyone put on sunscreen.
What? What are you saying? Did you say sandwich?
I knew you were saying sabotage. I was giving you an example of it. I will misunderstand everything that Andy says until he goes insane.
What
I dont understand what you want from me.
Sorry! Bye
Im not going to talk through the fire after your disgusting feet have gone through.
Or Mrs. Outside Hire.
Why?
Wha? Who gave you that advice?
But you said you were in debt.
No Dwight
Not now.   Goodbye
How can she make you get back together with her?
I cant
Shes been sick for some time. Thank you for asking
I have to give her her meds
Theres bad blood
All right!
Hey D.
Can you do me a little favor? Go to my place at lunch and give Sprinkles her medicine.
I have to visit the alchy.
I wouldnt put it past her.
I wrote it out.
Theres a diabetes shot
No
Hey.
Any problems?
What!?
Sprinkles.
Uh-huh. But I thought she had more time.
Did she look... When you saw her how was she looking?

Alright.


Sprinkles never hurt a soul. God in your infinite wisdom how could you do this? She wasnt ready. She had so much left to accomplish.
You never... you dont like them.
Thats why were cursed.
This is Sprinkles.   She was my best friend. I kept her going through countless ailments. I asked Dwight Schrute to feed her once
Pssst. Im having relationship problems. And since youre always having relationship problems
I have this crazy thought
When I got home
Somethings not right. The vets doing an autopsy.
Did Roy ever kill one of your cats?

Shut up.
Oh
Im not depressed Im in grief.
No.
The vet is removing all of Sprinkles organs right now and sending them to the lab.
What does that mean?
You did kill her!?
You put her in my freezer.
Well then she barfed them up in the freezer and tried to get out.
You!
Its OK.
Its nothing.
How could you do that without telling me?
Cat Heaven is a beautiful place
You dont understand.
Dont touch me Dwight!
For the record
Its not a surprise to me. Pam is the office mattress.
What do you want?
Oh
Her name was Sprinkles.
I cant believe you just thought you could replace Sprinkles. Before shes even in the ground.
Dont rush me. Im grieving.
I dont want Garbage! I want Sprinkles!
Hello
Yes.
I would prefer a public place. See you after work.
Very much. Hows your meat?
I heard a joke today.
Yes
I cant do this. I cant be with you. Every time I look in your eyes I see Sprinkles stiff lifeless body.
Im sorry. I gave this everything I could.
I will leave your toothbrush on top of your tire tomorrow morning.
Thank you.
Is that all?
Elevators.
Dwight
Good.

Waste of time.
Waste of time. The websites going to win.
I dont care
I dont care
I wont be watching
Lunch party? Its supposed to say launch party! What is wrong with you?
I feel angry. Angry at you. Angry at you for doing something stupid. Angry at me for believing you could do something not stupid.
It is awful. Youve made this day awful!
Then it would say lanch party
Its supposed to say launch!
I care!
Plan a party
Is just looks bad.
I asked for assorted cutlery and I got back spoons. These are worthless.
Phyllis. These are spoooons. Spoons have rounded tops
Goodie.
Because theres a party! A party for the website Ive been planning for two weeks.
Stop it! Gimme that! Give it!
Theres still an hour.
I didnt ask you to do it for me.
How do you tell someone its over? You send them a notarized letter
Hello
Hey. Do you have any men that you can fix me up with? I would like to have a relationship with a man.
Let me know.
Thank you.
The party starts in an hour.
Beer
Something made of ice?
Pizza
Chocolates? Someone famous?
Cool music.
Confetti.
Go-Go dancers?
I cant do this.
I cant do it.
It should take no time at all if you put the care into it that you normally do.
Ow!
What?
I have been working on a party for three weeks that just got thrown out the window. So now Ive got to pull together a whole new party
I have to hang these.
I needed another hour
Thats why youre not in charge Meredith.
How did you
Will you help me put it over there?
Okay.
Ow! What are you doing?
I didnt ask you to scratch it.
Im not dating you.
I have to go clean up after the party.
What about my cherub figurine?
No I left it on my night table--- your night table
Fine.
You may ask me out to dinner. Nothing fancy or foreign
Thats not happening.
I find the mystery genre disgusting. I hate being titillated.
Jim
Yes. Kellys was last week
Its birthday month. Creeds is today. Oscars is week after next. Merediths is at the end of the month.   Michael usually goes with red and white streamers...
What?
I dont like it.
No. No way. I am not a machine
What am I supposed to do with two cakes and a pie?
No
What am I supposed to do with this?
Sometimes I think she holds on to faxes.
I dont know.
Another clue
Those arent helpful.
You shouldnt joke about that.
So you keep a very tidy house.
Ive noticed how you look at him at the office.
Yes
I hate beet salad.
The thought of popping one of your beets into my mouth makes me want to vomit.
I dont think that this is---
Its ridiculous.
Im right here.
We get it.
Yeah
Um... tall. No
Mmhmm.
Its a man eating cat food.
Extension 128.
No.
Bless you.
Dwight and Angela exiting
We have a buttercream cake and a slideshow of Toby.
But so far we only have two pictures of him.
Michael...
No. You know-no!
You always do this! We have a nice
No! No! You know what? This is not a party-planning committee anymore! And I dont want your foot money
Phyllis
I shredded it.
Gosh
Well
...Okay.
I said
No.
Oh my God!
They dont have this kind of technology at the vets. Its not far.
Bye
Uh... something cool that Ryan doesnt know about yet.
I dont know
Tonight my party will be broadcast out to five other states. Which means
Lacrosse
Well
Yeah.
No.
No.
Andy
The Finer Things Club was not sanctioned by the Party Planning Committee. Renegade clubs are dangerous. I squashed the Weight Loss Buddy Support Group. They didnt need to gather. It was just gross.
calling in
Andy
The reason I ask is that Andy went to Cornell.
I dont.
A Catholic schoolgirl?
A nun?
If you hadnt made us stay
I need you to make an announcement that this party is a disaster.
Deep fried Twinkies? Its gross!
Yes.
What?
No. No.
I dont care.
Well
No
It doesnt matter
Listen
But hes an idiot!
Oh
Dangerous. Tacky. Sharks. Haunted. No.
Hurry
Hey!
I have a nice comforter and several cozy pillows. I usually read a chapter of a book
No. My doctor wants me to gain weight.
Its not my problem.
That is very important to me
I know I havent made this easy on you.  Dwight comes out of storage room alone
I hate to even ask because you have been so accommodating about all the wedding stuff.
Is there any way our first dance can be to my favorite song
Really?
Mmhmm.
The guys?
Mm-mm
I dont think that...
I dont know if I want your old college a capella group to be our wedding band.
Lets talk about this later.
That was Roy. She was engaged to Roy.
I once reported Oscar to the INS. Turns out hes clean
Per your instructions
Michael wrote down Astird.
Its a baby game where you guess whose picture is whose.
Thats Phyllis.
Yeah
Well
Yes it is.
Um
You gave birth in a tub?
Thats good. Now
Now. Come on
Your hands in it.
Yeah
Yes
I never felt safe here.
I would very much like that.
Yeah.
I think you have me confused with another person.
I heard you.
What are you doing?
Not here.
I dont want to be married in a tent like a hobo
Nana Mimi cant be in canvas that long.
OK fine you can have your tent
There has to be a barn thats old enough that you can see the stars through the roof slats when you lay on your back. And antique tools to look at when you roll over.
No. But anything within a five- to eight-mile radius is acceptable.
Pay him whatever he wants.
Be good.
Meaning what?
Hello? Hello?
What?
Are you drunk?
I know who this is!
What?
Are you drunk?
We will discuss this later.
What?
Are you swallowing them whole? Youre eating them so fast
Hmm
I think Andy makes an excellent point.
But my biggest concern is that theres only one bathroom.
Nana Mimi cannot squat over some trench.
Manure. Get rid of it.
Do you have to slaughter on our wedding day?
Honey
No. I havent thought of it.
I would like cat.
I would like cow butter sculpture of a cat.
Yes it does!
I want a butter sculpture of a cat!
Its beautiful.
Hello
I work with Dwight.
I do.
Dwight
What do you mean?
Dwight! That doesnt count!
No
I didnt-
We are not married.
Take this thing.
Now
Its the nativity scene.
I am not going to judge Phyllis for desecrating Christmas. There is one person who will though and Phyllis just stuffed him into a drawer.
But--
Really Andy? Its Christmas and your singing about nudity and France.
I dont--
Please stop making me do these things.
But its the season of mercy.
I lost it.
Its outside.
Shut up.
Im not moving the tree. Face it. The only power you have over me is this big secret that I know youre not going to tell. And you want to know how I know that? Because then you wont be able to plan your stupid
I think Id like to go home now.
Kevin
Thats enough.
What is it?
That is a terrible idea. One of your worst.
Youre expanding on your worst idea.
Ive already admitted that I do. Why do you keep making me repeat it?

We can talk right here.
What have you heard?
That doesnt sound like me.
Andy
A little bit.
I dont know. I mean
Michael.
Let me think about it... I
Standard
I said nothing fancy.
I love you.
Andy
Or
I will respect the results of the duel.
I cant believe theyre gonna fight over me.
Im not voting.
Oh my God.
Ok
Did you bring your jerky in again?
Its okay. Shh shhh.
Oscar.
Oscar!
Pull me up!
I only weigh 82 pounds! Uh-- save Bandit!   Oh!
What is that? What is that?
Michael!
Michael.
Oh my God! Dwight!
What are you--   What are you doing?
Oh my God!
Dwight!
If you ever wondered if you were Michael Scott
I normally dont enjoy making people laugh.
If you ever called the fire department cause your head was stuck in your chair you might be...
Hello
I am proud to announce that there is a new addition to the Martin family.  takes a breath
Seven thousand dollars.
I sold Andys engagement ring on eBay.
He wouldnt have wanted that. Her name is Princess Lady!
Mm-hmm.
I have something better than a picture. Come on.
Yeah.   I mean
Right. Anyways... I just want to make sure Princess Lady is acclimating well. She means more to me than anyone.
And person.

No!
Stop it
No
Where is that bad cat? Oh
meows like a cat
Has this been on the entire time?
Well
Oh God
My worst breakup was actually two breakups. Two different men. I was in love with both of them and when things went bad they had a duel over me.
No
I guess I have. Huh.
Really? I dont see it. I mean
That is so unnecessary!
Thanks again
No. No one wants to see that.
It was very nice meeting you
Hello
No!
Charles and Kelly? Absolutely not. He is a sophisticated man. He does not need to go dumpster-diving for companionship
Well
Bandit
Im sorry
Okay
Okay. Bye Charles. Well youll let me know. Good bye.
These are for employees only.
Youre bad at this too!
Charles
Sounds fun.
Charles
What do you hear?
Okay.
People are dressed inappropriately.
The man is wearing sandals. I dont need to see Oscars toes at work. Gross! I mean he looks like he just got off the boat.
Excuse me? Oh. Youre so educated
Meredith
No. I dont want to stay late to have a two hour lunch.
Oh
Come.
Kevin
Kevin
Come on
Ugh. There is no cookie
Wha -
Oh
Completely unacceptable.
Can you please go back to work instead of masterminding these situations were in we hurt ourselves?
Stop!
No. I didnt come down here to get wet and wild. I just need you to sign these.
No. You need to sign them all.
Look
You are forcing me to be down here. Am I not allowed to have some fun?
No.
I can play.
Rolph
Kevin! Now its seven-six
Did you know a baby conceived out of wedlock is still a b*st*rd?
Want me to say it again?
No. We heard that about Jim.
How is that a bad rumor?
I knew it!
Rude.
Mmm hmmm.
Pam
But
Yes. They dont get em
What are you talking about Michael?
Its not like were not gonna see the checks. Were in accounting!
This is how you make this important decision?
Decent people everywhere will get offended.
Well
Really
Ow! He pinched me!
And where do you think youre going?
Well
Mmm-hmm. Ok. Ill go with you. Come on.
Are you sure?
Itll be fun.
Oh my God.
Yes.
Relax. Youll get your shot at Jim. Those two treat the whole office like a 1970s key party.
I have some ideas about conservation...
Thank you. Sure well first of all I think that we could totally...
Well
Im sorry
Pam
Black widow.
Why isnt Jim wet?
So you fell in?
So a child had fallen in?
Thats never the case.
This sounds ridiculous
Why?
I was.
Whyd you stop it?
No.
Pam
Put your hands in your pockets.
Michael
I dont like my character.
Voodoo Mama Juju
Its not my fault
Hey everyone
Dont just say things.
To my tally
Yes!
It could only be you! Way to go.
Amen.
Its fabric! I really wanted this.
Andy
Are you serious? This is so offensive.
If you know something Michael...
Come on!
Thank you.
Have a great day.
I already booked a Great Lakes cruise.
Thats your toast?
No
What are you looking at?
Excuse me?
Good afternoon.
What is this?
Of course.
You know I was thinking...
Agreed.
Jedediah.
Jedediah.
No Star Trek names.
What if its a girl?
Hey. Uh-uh. I cannot control that. You cant put that in here.
No.
Absolutely not.
Have you had a chance to look over the revisions on the contract Ive prepared for you?
I look forward to it.
Goodbye.
And now you
Alright. How would you like to celebrate?
Hey!   Are you sick?
In your nose?
Yes
Hm-hm. Do you not answer e-mails anymore? Because Ive e-mailed you four times asking you to come to my desk.
Oh
Ill give you the leads. But you know what? Its going to cost you some clerical work
It doesnt matter. Fill them out. All of them. Then when youre done
Im not going. You did this
Do you have any pastries without fruit?
Ow!
And then they said the most ridiculous thing about Anderson Cooper
This looks like a hoot.
Whack.
Okay.
Its no worry.
I could see enjoying that.
But we signed the contract.
We both-you didnt dup-
Dwight Schrute! Dwight Kurt Schrute.
You are hereby served with a summons to appear in Lackawanna county court.
For breach of contract with Angela Noelle Martin.
Dwight recently entered into a contract with me
Did he not tell you that?
Do you plan on raising a child with me? Or do you plan on breaking this contract?
Dwight?
Youll see me in small claims court!
This is my favorite day.
Psst. Hey. Erin.
You embarrassed me earlier.
You think I want people remembering I had sensual relations with Andy? Its the kind of thing you wish you could have annulled. I want to throw up just thinking about it.
You are throwing up for the wrong reasons!
Angela.   Michael.
removes post-it
I knew it. You should see their baby.
Is this the thing where they use an icicle so theres no evidence?
No.
Rather than spend all day in court
Alleged? Im going to own your farm by the time this is over.
Im doing it. You know I am. Its disgusting.
Dwight
Same page. Go to the next one.
What?
He has a 60-acre beet farm that is worth a small fortune.
Well
Those lumps are cats
I want eye contact.
Yes.
Im not some farm animal.
No.
What did you do to yourself?
Well
Oh
Everybody knows it was Andy
Okay
It does!

She gave me a heart attack!
Is that even a fake knife?

I said I didnt want to be on the internet!
I came down here to feed the feral cats like I usually do and I found something unsavory in the back of your nephews car.
Michael
Thank you.

My place tonight. Wear this.
Yes. Dont forget the pipe.
What the hell is happening?
Listen
No. If you want to punch the punch card
Well
Thank you.
Dwight and I have a contractual agreement to procreate five times
Ugh! Theres gum on the seat and now its on my work skirt. I have to go change.
Oh
Come on
These are just my dirty old gardening clothes. They were all that I had in my car.
That was more horrifying than Nunsense.
Wheres my car? Come on.
No
No
Well
Good night
Whos this guy by our cars?
This is what you get when you treat your body like an outhouse.
What?
Yeah
So
KELLY! You cannot change costumes in the middle of the day! Pam
Yeah
This is an amazing prize. I mean
I dont like your tone! Look
Jim. Pam.  gasps
Well
You dont know them all?
Jesus is not your caterer.   But he should be your caterer cause youre a little angel. Why didnt your parents get you a caterer?   They dont think.
What are you doing?
What? Kevin!
Did you think I stole your baby?
Someone put them in my bag.
Just say copies
Are you going?
I would watch that.
Outside my car in two minutes.
What are you doing here?
Are you authorized to do this?
Ok
Wait Pam! How did he seem? Like
You know what Pam just save it.
Nosy?
Hey
No
Mm-Hmm.
Perfect!
You met your commission cap last week. So from here until the end of the fiscal year
Its a new corporate policy.
waiting for Dwight at their meeting place
Where have you been?! Ive been waiting.
No
Dwight?
Sure.
Probably.
Mm-Hmm.
Yeah
Oh.
Mm. Yeah
Thank You.
You would. And if I were to call your house and ask for your wife
How tragic. Very sorry to hear that.
You never told us to close them.
Michael do something about this.
Really?  jumps to try and activate motion sensor
Nothing. Should be fun.
I wouldnt subject Robert to that. Hes a very busy senator.
I would not expect you to know what its like to date someone in the public arena.
The senator.
We went to a picnic thrown by the Comptrollers wife.
Do you have any idea how many photographers there are at a ribbon-cutting ceremony. I do. Two. Angela...   over here
No
We can save that.
Just stop moving your calves so much while youre talking.
Maybe Ill bring my boyfriend. Ill invite him.
I mean
Well
I dont think thats appropriate.
Yes
Its so cold. Even with my coat on.
No
Im so glad you could come.
Hey everybody
Yes.
Mmhmm.
I dont know if you guys have had a chance to use the new parking meters that accept credit cards
I am.
Zip it
You are. You make your own drink.
And you know those annoying geese at the park? Well
Yes.
Good morning.
The glitter is blinding.
Yes.
My boyfriend.
Ugh.
Oh
All right!
Please. It was easy once I decided I wanted the dog to piss on Gabe.
I dont know if anyone else feels this way and dont get me wrong
Uh-huh.
No one is more thrilled for them than I am...
...but its totally inappropriate.
No
God! Kevin!
Dwight!
With who?
No.
No! Dont!
Will you marry me?
Yeah
Deangelo
Cause I was thinking that you should meet my boyfriend
Michael! Deangelo has a peanut allergy.
Oh wait
Please.
Everything.
Its an experiment.
The dream team... and Meredith.
It was just you...
You wanna see some pictures? I just got these.
Uhm
Oh
Yeah.
See? This is what happens. You cant let a stray dog into the house.
Good God...
No! Im not cleaning up a bunch of uneaten cupcake bottoms! You know
Of course you do
Okay. Then how about Im the head of the Accounting Department
Andy
No.
Amen.
Thank you.
Oh
Pet Day! I want Pet Day back - no dogs.
Four
Seven
Six
Nine
Three
Two
God!
Okay.  hangs up
Thank you.
Its a little flashy. I mean
Okay. He took me to the replica of Monets Japanese bridge
Yes
Then I saw flashes. Reporters were there. They always find us. And everyone was crying
Stanley
I mean
Niagara Falls? Pregnant? That was your dream? Pork medallions?
Hmm.
Well
Look
Isnt it amazing
I am having a child with my husband
Did you guys figure it out?
It was excellent.
Bye.
No
Hes always been like that.
I mean
Have you seen this?
Have you read it? Has an adult member of your family read this particular issue?
So you saw the article on the importance of taking frequent walks while youre pregnant?
I will be taking a morning walk and an afternoon walk. Would you like to join me?
Great.
Well
A coworker of mine is drinking caffeine while pregnant
Maybe.
In mugs with trace amounts of coffee!
I already did.
Fine.
Sure.
Oh
Yeah. And I said sorry.
Is there anything you wish you had done differently to avoid cankles?
Ive already gone up another cup size. The senator is grossed out. When do you start feeling it kick?
Phillip?
Phillip is the name that were using. Its after my favorite cat.
Its after my cat.
I would like to toast someone who isnt here but who will be in just four short months. Welcome to the world
She just always has to copy anything I do! Its the Ford Taurus situation all over again!
I know. Im taking them down.
Well
So
Pam do you think anyones going to notice Ive worn this costume before? When I wasnt pregnant. You know I bet nobody would believe it still fits.
Kevin
Oscar
You sent the late notice to Ryan Heart & Wolf. Right?
Six-seventy
yes!
Ohhhh!
Oh
Okay
Enough Oscar
This is all pathetic.
Toby! Nobody cares about your sex-crazed black detective.
No. Porcupines dont have souls. Theyre like dogs.
Andy
Oh
Dwight! Oh my gosh! Dwight!
Youre in my way!
Were in the pool!
Yes?
Oh... I dont- I dont want any- what are you guys doing here?
Hey.
No
Mm-hmm.
Nine pounds? Really? I thought you said five. You know what? I was under so many drugs
Aw
No
Shh.
Its fine. Pajamas arent supposed to be baggy
Ah!
Really?
Fine
The senator and I wanted to wait
Right. Um
And now you all know
Dwight?
Hes hungry.
No
You wont see-
Every baby looks just like you. Your face kind of looks like a baby.
That is completely untrue.
I did not. Uh-uh.
That didnt happen.
No! Stop it!
Dwight.
And even if it did
I will not.
I will not
Yes
Sure.   Watch the head
Hello everyone! Remember little old me. Hi!
I wanted to come back to work. Not everybody needs some long luxurious Parisian maternity leave.
Really? I feel like this big rhinoceros. Anyway
I dont know what that is
Babies sleep a lot Pam
I wouldnt know
Ok
My baby is not a monster!
So cute.
News flash - If you didnt carry it around for nine months
That is where we disagree.
My Phillip is crawling.
No one said you must have two
No thank you.
Stop it.
Stop it.
Paid.
Is this spicy?
1434-967
Black eye
Yes.
Why would you care what the police think of our neighborhood?
Yes.
Can I please leave? I have a rape flute.
Good point? What is a tub of electricity?
Great! I think Kelly should attack Toby.
Thanks.
Lets go Kelly.
So
Well
Ugh.
Trust you? The way Pam trusted you to provide for her so she wouldnt have to work?
Cause we come here to do our jobs. We dont stick our noses in other peoples business.
We should do it right here in the break room.
Pam
Were going to have the fluorescent lights flickering. Its gonna make everyone sick.
Okay.
I knew shed crack! I wanted to leave you out
Nobodys named Monday.
Nellie is terrific
On it!
You got it.
What are you doing?
Stop that! Dwight! Stop that
Ugh.
Ugh. Eww!
Oh God!
Robert! The senator was going to wear dark brown tonight... Im sure it will be fine.
My husband is sponsoring a fundraiser tonight for local dog shelters! Robert California bought two tables for everyone here! These people were lucky to get seats because it is going to be a whos who of the northern 22nd district!
We think you might kill Robert.
Robert
:   Hello! Hello
: Robert sent me to take over if Pam fails. If?
: I have been crunching numbers all day. Math is for boys. I need girl talk.
No thank you.
Uh
Heh.
Dwight.
No. I am going to hold him because I havent seen him all day.
I think that Dwight is doing this whole thing to
See the duckie!
No. No. I like the babys hair the way it is.
Uh-uh
Dwight
Oh no.
I think we have all the shots we need. Thank you
No! Dwight! Give me the diaper! Dwight!
No! God
Get out of the car! Get out! Where is he?
Yes!   Tell me! Tell me where he is! Mose
Where is it?
How long does it take to get the results?
Youre gonna wait here?
Dwight
I told you
Well
No
Please
Oscar
If you pray enough
Attention everyone. Comstock is still available. Oscar has been flirting with adopting him. But still hasnt given me a definite yes or no.
Fine. For any interested candidates
Why do you want this cat?
How would you support the cat? What are your ambitions?
Have you taken any concrete steps?
Allergies.
No
Really? Oh
Yay! Oh
Please dont teach the cat French.
Um
The senator and I still have mystery. Im always waiting to see what hes gonna surprise me with next.
Language.
Oh!
OK
Kevin
Has she done the pageant circuit?
Ew.
Stop it! Stop it! Youre frightening me!
Ooh!
Oh my god!
I
So wait
Oh!
The senator will be joining us later.
No
And I told Phyllis not to put it out
Wait a second
You know what? This is outrageous. I have to find Phyllis. You two talk
They lost me when they sang ‘Monster Mash. That song obviously glorifies the occult.
Jammed. This day couldnt get worse.
What does that mean?
Kevin
I dont know why Im surprised. Literally nothing you do could surprise me anymore.
That doesnt surprise me.
The Senator is exhausted. This campaign is wearing him out.
That man hes up against is so dirty. And the senators just pushing back as hard as he can.
What?
Anyways
Why on earth would you think you were getting a promotion?
Honey! What are you doing here?
Oscar? What is going on? What was that?
Hi.
Spring cleaning?
I think the senator is having an affair.
I think the senator is having an affair.
When he comes home in the morning
And hes always at the yoga studio. He never misses the noon class - its Hot Yoga with Blake.
I dont know.
Right.
Right?
What?
Which one is the instructor? There all fatties.
Where?
Oh my God! Shes so stunningly tiny! Shes like a petite double zero
Ive heard of this - dog style. Oh wait. Oh look Oscar
Ow.
Okay
Wait. Why are you... Oh. are you getting your jollies right now? Cant get enough of the show? Your jollies are all on fire --
What?
Oscar
Look
Oh. Oh.
Oscar...   can I ask you a question?
Is it cool in here to you?
I think the thermostat is acting up again.
Thank you.
Meet me in the old place
Ugh!
Dwight
Just put them on! Put on your clothes. I need your help. I need someone who can operate outside of the law. Ugh.
My marriage is in danger. I dont know who I can trust. I need someone to be there for me.
Something like that.
Can you arrange a meeting?
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Ow! Dwight! Ow!
God!
So what are your credentials?
Do you have a gun?
What is this?
You dont carry it with you?
Obviously.
Okay
Murder.
What if they deserved it?
Theyre sleeping with my husband.
Thank you.
No
Yes
You said you would be there for me.
Its the only thing that will make this right.
Oh
What? Why did you call me out here?
I dont know what youre talking about.
Fine! Its Oscar. So what?
Exactly
Well
Hes here.
No
You know
You deserved every bit of it!  You made my husband gay.
No. No.
Well are you gonna let go of it? Because part of the blame is definitely on you.
God!
You were supposed to be my friend.
I feel so stupid. I sit next to him every day.
Jazz is stupid!  I mean
I dont like your friend Trevor.
My pastor said it can come from breast feeding.
Well
What is it called when two men intertwine their penises like the snakes on the medic-alert bracelet?
Is it called red-vining?
People red vine.
No.
Oh
Dont blame me for something we all forgot.
No!
No.
No
Party planning cimmittee
No. I dont want my name attached to this party.
Please just take my name off of everything.
Huh.
Kevin. Kevin! Aaah. Stop it!
Oh God
Dwight!
Geez Meredith
Ew! Oh.
Oh
What do we do about our heads?
Excuse me?
Oh.
We dont want it to last longer. Its horrible.
Okay. Oh
Oscar
You dont want bugs. You know? Who knows where those bugs will end up?
Oh my God.
Well
Sorry.
Oops.
No
Cant I just agree without putting my hand in?
Oh
Ugh!
Kevin! Kevin! Kevin!
Stop it!
Stop it Kevin!
Kevin!
I dont get the point of this stupid window!
Oh
Shut up!
Yeah!
Whats going on?
Dwight! Down
I have no information. But Im sure as soon as they know
Well
Yes. And he didnt like it.
Oh
Oscar
I dont want to sit near any of those people for the next 20 years. Someone say something.
Excuse me
No. No children. Our house is not kid-friendly. Most of our furniture is sharp. Also
No
What?
Im his! His... wife.
We agreed that you wouldnt be seen with him in public. Its humiliating for me. Well
Hey!
Exciting news. Theres room for one more at my sons birthday event. And
What? Wait. The state transportation secretary will be there. You could sell your beet salt idea to the highway people.
No.
Aw
Oh
Hes blocking me.
He put you right in front of me?
It was all my fault.
They have a nail salon there where I get my feet detailed.   They use a watch repair kit.
Yes
Its a bonus check. For you. From Wallace. Because the branch exceeded its targets over the past quarter.
Uh-huh.
Ahh! Dwight!
What? What is it?
Dwight
What do you mean by poisoned?
Ok
But I dont see how this is my problem.
Ugh.
Gah.
Its fine.
Ugh! God
Ill help you!
Ugh.
Hello Aunt Shirley.
Oh
Yes. How would you like a nice warm bath?
Ow!
No. No.
No.
Gosh
Spray her down?
You have to use chains?
Dwight!
No! No!
Dwight
No Dwight!
No
No Dwight
Im gonna give your aunt a proper bath and a haircut like a lady! And you two are gonna shut up about it! Do you have a bathtub?
Good.
Oh hush. Loose braids reflect a loose character. Now stay still.
I think your hair is much too long for your age
There.
Youre welcome. Would you like some stew?
Mmhm.
Is it any good?
Thank you.
Oh
It was not an unpleasant way to spend an afternoon.   Dwight
No
I cant be your monkey
I made a vow. I gave my word.
Good night
Do they even have a bakery anymore?
Kevin
Uh-huh.
What
Hes gone. Its just a cupcake now.
Kevin?
Some of us got both.
No.
Can we skip the color commentary and just have Andy go out there and fire her?
Here you go. And good for you Dwight
Dwight is dating a brussel sprout farmer named Esther. Shes coming here this afternoon with her father. Who knows? Maybe shell be pulling the horse cart!
Your screen is all black. You just unplugged your computer.
I bet she does. I bet shell eat them right out of your hand with those big strong teeth.
Yes.
I guess men find Esther attractive. I mean if there are chubby chasers
What about me? Klokken tre pige
What? Why would they...wait a second
Oh my god.
There was much more secret filming than I expected.   But I am fine with it
Come on!
Oscar.
I think we need to figure out whats going on. I might just take a little walk.
We need to know more. Did their shots have sound? What exactly did they get on tape?
Alright
Oh! He was dressed like Ronald Reagan!
God!
Oh!   Stop it! Stop kissing him! Someone needs to call and warn him. This could ruin his career.
Call him!
Call him!
Call him! Call him!
No you go. Hi honey!
Its Angela and Oscar.
Just a few quick things.
Oh you look so handsome! Very presidential.
Yeah.
Yeah!
Yes and I cheated on you with Dwight
I think were good.
Bye!
Love you!   God.
Thank you
All right


Oh my god!
Nellie you didnt tell us we could win money.
Me? Oh
Come here
I had a chance with Dwight
Really?   Thank you.
Was Dwight rooting for me? Hmm. I hadnt noticed.
Come on Clark.  Clark throws plane
No you cant baby!  to Dwight
Whoo!
Oh my god! Oh my god. Ok its your turn.  Toby crumples plane and steps aside.
Yes!
Thank you.   Oh god!
Dont you dare tank this.  Dwight throws plane far
Well
I was disappointed in Dwight today. He showed a weakness that was unbecoming. Even if he did do it for me. I dont need pity and I dont need charity. I have my dignity and thats enough. And as long as I have that
No. Everything is not okay. The county took my cats.
Two sacks worth. Apparently my apartment complex has rules about how many pets are too many for a studio. And while I was out picking Phillip up from daycare
Its the   that lives downstairs. Shes this uptight
And theyre gone. And I have no one left. Without my cats
I guess.
Dwight has been practicing karate for years. When we were dating
Yes. Congratulations.
This is a big day for you.
This is Angela. Oh. Hello
Andy.
What are you doing?
Yeah
Ugh.
No
No
Okay. Well
Thanks.
Its just a really nice song.
Well
Oh
Oh
You dont want me at your place.
Well...
Thank you.
Okay.
Are you allowed to have pets?
So is your place all bachelor-slobby and gross?
I wouldnt know. I never lived with a gay guy.
I love him.
No
Ok
Daycare wont take Phillip anymore.
Apparently my station in life has descended to a depth even they wont forgive. So
Why didnt you pack the apple snacks?
Because whenever I pack the bag
Why dont you pack it?
Not now
Ok
Kevin
Kevin
Kevin
I know. Earlier today he tried to eat some of the 24-weight letter bond.
Yeah
Its just his way of saying
Would you like to hold Phillip?   Yeah. Thats Kevin.
Okay
No
Stop it.
No
Hey. You wanted to see me?
I am sorry hes here today but I had—
How thoughtful.
If he is your son
Can I go back to my desk now?
Okay
Are you sure you dont want me to drop him off?
All right. Bye
Dwight?
Why?
What do you—Dwight!  Dwight cuts her off in his car
Dwight! What the   is your problem!
Who drives like that?
Can you put that down?
Its too loud.
Okay
And I lied to you.
Phillips your son.
I just needed you to want to marry me because you wanted to marry me.
Youre a dad!
Yes. My heart is so open
To remind you that our weddings gonna be wonderful.
D
I dont...I dont know why.
This is my big sister Rachel.
Were very close. We even have our own special language.
People love it.
What?   Okay.
Wait
Okay...
Rachel
Oh geeze.  . Oh
Okay
Uh
That was interesting.   What was that?
Will you lock the door?
Alright
What the   is your problem you      ?!
Thanks.   Oh. Ouch.
No
Hi.
Oh
Do you even have a mattress?
