I have a customer meeting.
I just had the longest meeting.
It was you.
Yeah
No. No
Spicy Curry
Yeah
This is a bowler-
Yeah
Im okay!
Let go of me!
Definitely
How about you Pam?
Why is that?
Oh
Yeah
Hi-yah!
Wow
What?
Wait
You said constructive complements  that doesnt make any sense.
I thought you read these every week.
Im sorry guys  can we please not talk about paper? Theres gotta be something else we can talk about.
Oh
Yikes.
Thats like
I will steal the iPod.
Damn it.
Okay
Hey.
I dont know.
Wait
Why did you tell us to bring a bathing suit?
Yeah
I took the tags off already.
Yeah
Oh my God! That is so exciting! Can I be a bridesmaid?
Listen
Youd look like an angel. Im seriously going to cry.
Pam?
Jim
Are you moving back here?
Because Toby used to sit there
Weird.
Im serious. My closet doors will not shut. I mean
Beyonce
Oh my God
Oh
But its so weird to fall asleep. And I just hate it. Cause I try to go to bed at
Oh
You just asked a girl out on the phone!
Ill tell you one thing. I am not going to be one of those women schlepping her kids around in a minivan.
I want an SUV... with three rows of seats.
Oh
What about second base? Like if Michael said that he got to second base with you? Does that mean you like closed a deal?
I mean thats a baseball term
...and you went to Chilis and he got to second base with you.
He told everybody so I just want to know is that a baseball term...
You were probably feeling really depressed and sad and thats why you did that thing with Michael.
How can someone so beautiful be so sad?
Nothing. Oh except
And it was so funny cause we were at this bar with his friends and I was sitting next to him the whole night and he wasnt making a move
So I said
Oh my God
Oh
So nervous
I dont know what hes thinking
Cool. Hey
I mean
OK
Its frustrating
Yeah
Okay
Is Brad okay?
This is karma because of what he did to Jennifer Aniston.
Whyd you pick the V.A. for the reception?
But he did a great job. June 10th is perfect. I want a June wedding. Ive always wanted one. Ryan
Oh.
Yep.
Oh my God
God I cannot wait to get pregnant and have babies!
...that I thought you should know ...
I think something a little fishy is going on.
Yeah. I mean
Second opinion on what?
Oh
I never really thought about death until Princess Diana died. That was the saddest funeral ever. That and my sisters.
Dont be scared! Youre good! Youre good!
And the guys are saying
Six.
So the first time we went out to dinner
Were having the best conversation.  Jim
So
I didnt file a complaint. I was just talking.
To my friend
Kobe Bryant has a foundation
That is so cool that youre gay. I totally underestimated you.
Oh my God! Are you so excited for tonight? I am so excited. You guys are going to click
You look so pretty.
Well
My neighbor Alan. Theyre going on a date tonight.
Alans cartoon is so funny
And theyre
So
You love ketchup! He loves ketchup.
I love it!
You havent even tried it on yet
Fashion show! Fashion show! Fashion show at lunch!
Fashion show! Fashion show! Fashion show at lunch! Fashion show! Fashion show! Fashion show at lunch!
Its so sexy. You look so hot.
What?
No
Isnt that like your third soda today?
Oh
Ugh

I mean
You told us we had to.
Because they acted all tough and everything...
But what they were rapping about was cupcakes and the Chronicles of Narnia. God. Who invented cupcakes
I cant believe that Ryan is not back yet. Where could they be?
Oh my God
I dont know. Dwights so weird.
No
Here you go.
Its not a dress. Its a kurta.
You look so handsome.
I know.
I...
I dont get why you wont go. Did I do something wrong? I mean
Well
Um... Diwali is awesome... and theres food... and theres going to be dancing... and... Oh! I got the raddest outfit. It has
Sparkles...
Oh
Like hundreds
Ruka
Dont even listen to them. Theyre so...
I dont even want to hear it. Okay. I didnt come this Diwali to get yelled at!
Uh... excuse me. I want to get a...
If I get to stay and Ryan is laid off
Ahhhhh!   Im so happy we dont have to break up now
Jim!
Oh! Oh my god! I have so much to tell you!
Yes! Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes? They had a baby and they named it Suri. And then Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie? They had a baby
I just told you.
Looks like salmon.
I eat beef.
Hey
What dya think?
See
Well that blows.
Whatever we deny or embrace. For worse or for better. We belong
Dunder-Mifflin customer service
Oh my god
Well I dont even think the stripper was that hot. Do you guys think she was hot?
Do what? I just asked you a question.
Anyway
Could you scoot over? Youre on my dress.
I know but there was an emergency.
I look really good in white.
Are you all right? This must be so awful for you.
Well... this was supposed to be your wedding.
Theres no way its fine. Im sorry. If I was you
I cant believe youre back together with Roy!
Oh my God. Youre so in love now.
Oh
...Oh... yeah. Definitely... Ill be there. For sure.
What are you doing? Youd better not hurt that little bat.
Dont hurt that bat
AHH! KILL IT! KILL IT! KILL IIIT!
Oh my God
I wont
Oh my God
That is the bravest thing I have ever heard.
I can. You would have left me to fend for myself. Like that time we were on the Ferris Wheel and that kid dropped a milk shake on me and you just laughed.
Oh it was?
Okay
...and you call me
...you can just call somebody else cause Im not gonna do it anymore
I call you in the middle of the night to tell you that I love you!
You are so mean.
Yes you do
What is so stupid about wanting to name a baby Usher?
Usher Jennifer Hudson Kapoor.
Oh
And all of a sudden
You should just read the report that Toby did. He took everyones stories.   Dunder Mifflin
Excuse me
Ryan?
What?!
Are you kidding me?
So then the next movie moves to the top of the queue. So number five becomes number four
Youre such a ditz.
This day is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S. This day is bananas! B-A-N-A-
Look
I know
OK
Absolutely!
I like ice cream! I need a boyfriend.
OK
Ask where hes from.
OK
And youre sorry.
Thanks
Awesome. Um
Whoa.
Michael
I dont want to hit the big rock!
I know Im near the big rock. I just know it.
I just dont want to get hit by it...
Can I have a turkey burger?
Can we just take those first two things?
Team U.S.A.!
Whos Bob Hope?
Oh
Shes from What a Girl Wants.
Are you kidding? I would have never done that. It was pathetic-ville. No offense
Who was that?
What?!
She looks awful.
Thats Buddhist.
No.
If there was a God then Ryan and I would be married by now.
Have a seat
I dunno
Oh
Oh.
Can we speak privately about our relationship?
Awesome. I am dating a lot of guys.
A lot. Black guys mostly.
What?!
I want you to tell me that you care about me. That is what I want.
Oh big strong man
Well

And guess what buddy
Do you feel prepared to help me raise a baby?
We have a date!
You know
You know what
I dont understand what the big deal is.
No!
Right
No!
Why not?
If thats from Ryan
Waaay too tight.
Why is it so tight?
Depends... how much have you eaten already today?
You had carbs? Thats awful.
But you get to put the paper in this little shopping cart and then it says
Thanks.
Not so much anymore.
Youre so funny.
I invited him.
Okay.
Umm
Okay
Ryan used me an object.
What do you mean you have plans tonight?
Well
Okay
makes a W then an L with her fingers
Well
Dont you dare walk away from me Darryl Philben
Darryl Philben is the most complicated man that Ive ever met. I mean
Ahhh!!
What has two skinny chicken legs and sucks at ping pong?
Guess whose boyfriend it is?
Ill give you a hint : Its not my boyfriend. I think its a guy over here  .
I dont talk trash
flashback
flashback
flashback
Pam leaving bathroom
Yeah
Woooh! Nice baby! Nice one!   Hey
What?
OK. Bring it on.
Think you can handle this?
OK. Volley for serve
O.  hits the ping-pong ball
If Id have created a website with as many problems
Yeah I have a lot of questions. Number one
Now hes never gonna come.
Ok
Oh my God
I cant believe this is your last day. How do you feel?
I feel weird.
I cannot wait to visit Ryan in prison. Im gonna wear my hottest track suit
Can I be your bridesmaid?
I dont want to talk to anybody about Ryan! Please
Well
Oh
And he doesnt care about anybody but himself.
And dont have s*x with him
Is that traffic school?
Because were not supposed to be doing personal stuff at work.
Because yesterday when I was taking an online quiz about trying to find my ideal weight for my frame
Just reiterating what you said to me.
Hi
Yeah
Oh
Oh
Shes 23.
Actually
Some of my friends parents
Was he still there?
Im so cold
Why would he say that?
Oh
Ignore her
Yeah
Guess who just became the cutest girl in the office.
Just leave me alone!
I am on the third day of my cleanse diet. All I have to do is drink maple syrup
I was on an IV for two days at the hospital.
Its just some of us are taking this really seriously.
I swallowed a tapeworm last night. Its going to grow up to three feet inside of me and then it eats all my food so that I dont get fat. And then after three months I take some medicine and then I pass it. Creed sold it to me. Its from Mexico.
Oh
Cool.
Oh that is so sweet. Um
Its a small office.
...what else do people like?
I hate dieting
Nope.
What?
Why is ok for smokers to take breaks all the time? If I want to go outside and hang out once an hour
Sometimes I download pirated music onto my work computer.
And this is way worse than the stroller she came with.
Um
Wow you guys look amazing. Stanley
Oh
Thank you. Will you help walk me to the fax machine?
Inappropriate. Thank you. Who are you
Oh
Michael
Yeah
Call your mom
So I returned my bridesmaid dress
Yeah
Oh
What are you talking about?
You always say that
Are you accusing me of something?
You just cant come into my nook and call me stupid. And maybe if you were a little bit more nice and polite
Dwight
Yeah
OK.
Um
Whats going on?
Nothings going on.
What? I -- I dont know what youre talking about. This is the first Im hearing about this.
I love your tie
I was raped.
OK
See? I wasnt lying.
I was lying.
No problem.
For you. Im with Darryl.
Is that supposed to impress me?
No. Not going to happen. He has hurt me too much and too often. And I am in a healthy relationship so Im not gonna flaunt it and Im not gonna hurt him
What are we doing? This is so wrong.
Mmmm.... mmm. This cant happen again.
Yeah.
I dont know. I mean
Oh my God. Hes going to kill us.
Oh! He says its cool.   He said
Thats all he wrote.
Mmm hmm.
Mmm hmm. Its like a fairy tale!   Mmmm...
Were back together again baby.
They tried to keep us apart
Oh!
Yeah
Um
Mmhmm.
Punch him
Hi
Cant do what?
Wait
Oh
So youre dumping me?
Okay?
Wait
Yeah
I guess people have fewer choices as they get older.
Theres Andy
Yeah
No
Dwight!
A vacation.
I have made a list of people that I would make out with before I would make out with Michael Scott. A turtle
Screw you.
Oh yeah? Screw you too.
My birthday was yesterday
Screw you guys. Youre dead to me.
Yeah
I guess my only wish
In a way
Ice Cream.
Stop yelling at me!
I didnt do anything!
I was kickin it.
My boyfriend dumped me
You did? I wanna see the cake.
I hate it.
Well
I mean
Those arent... themes. Theres always a theme.

This doesnt look good.

You dont hear a theme
Cool.
I love it.
You know what
Thank you.
Im too excited to sleep.
So
Decorating.
Yeah
Well
You met a woman when you were giving blood? That is so romantic.
Oh my God
She could be.
Aww.
Michael
My god
Thank you.
Should I seduce him?
I could see our kids facing obstacles being half-Black and half-Indian
I am going to get him to buy me a prime rib tonight.
What?! Move!
Hey! Is that his scarf?
Michael get to the good part.
So that is why I have to leave at 5 : 00 on Tuesday
Yeah I dont like talking...
Yep
So you should be heading back to your desk.
Shes such a special person. And shes turning 50 this year.
Where will you be staying while youre in Scranton?
So. I thought we could take the customer on a... Then. Then we could...
And...
Yes? Charles
Yes Charles? Yes
Well you know what my middle name is? Rajani Ghana! And I hate it! I hate it!
Hey
Hi.

Dammit
Thank you so much for saying that. I cant believe that Toby thinks this is inappropriate.
Cafe Disco? More like Crappe Disco.
What dance competition? I was just dancin casual with my friends
Stop squirming.
You wanted to do this. Just be brave.
Im doing it. No. Im doing it for free. You have to stop squirming otherwise Im gonna mess up.
Gay ear? Are you 12 years old?
Look
No. Im gonna count to 3.
1... 2... 3
Andy
Yeah. It was.
Since most of the office is away at some boring software training program
We did. Subtle Sexuality.
You know when you love a guy and hes giving you mixed signals but you know he really likes you and youre sleeping together?
Ill never tell who this song is about. That is a secret that I will take to the grave.
It is
Its our office
How do you know so much about whats gonna read on camera?
In this shot Im a bride
Ok
Yes! Were still setting up!
Well
Cut. Cut.
We still have to shoot our make out scene!
Ugh! Were finished!
He and I are finished. The show must go on.
I have to throw up.
I dont think so.
This isnt radio
We would love it if youd hold the camera for us.
One and two and cross and cross. Down. Sexy
Ryan
Ill be thinking about you the entire time.
The video came out amazing!
I cannot wait to see it for the first time.
When this blows up Ill probably go solo like Beyonce did.
Oh
You dont return my texts
If they get married before I do
Its Eric and Megan.
WHAT??
Really?
Andy Bernard??
Me too!
Well then
Are we just gonna wait here?  Pam returns
Its true!
Ugh
Is Ryan going?
Heres the deal. I really want to go but Im not gonna go if Ryan doesnt go
I love rivalries-- Michael or Jim
walks in from shopping
What the hell?! Why are you being such a jerk?!
No!   How is that gonna repair Ryans car?!
This is so much cooler. We feel like werre in a limo and youre our driver.
Blow my brains out.
Lame! What else you got
How was Puerto Rico? Was it so romantic?
Im so happy for you...
Ryan
Well
I think Im gonna get the same fedora as you.
Well
What the hell is a mallard?
Oh
If you take it back
Youre so cool.
Lulu from The Fifth Element.
What keeps your glasses on?
Oh my God I love it.
Yeah.
Pam. Shes going to punch the crap out of your face after work.
No
It has almost no calories.
Guys
Im going to have some cake.
What psycho would send that as a gift?
Hi David!
Jim.... Jim!
Oh my God.
I guess Andy likes me. I never thought of him in that way. But
You brighten my day with the sound of your voice
I know
What did yours say?
Oh! You scared me!
I didnt see you. And you were there all along.   Well
Bye
Um
Who?
Who
Did you know that labor can last weeks? Then they take your insides out and they just plop them on a table
Oh my God
Im not single. I have a man.
I dont want to bring my friends
Well why dont you invite your friends?
Yeah
I want to watch the Kardashians! I dont want to watch boring -
Its about a family. A real-life family.
Youre adorable. You need to go for it.   Im going to be
Why?
What drama?
So unnecessary.
I mean
Dont use your cute baby to make us like you.
Were focusing
Only three tickets.
Stop telling me how to spend my tickets.
Then
Me
My name is Kevin
But parody is always derivative.
Do they still get paid?
But youre an accountant too.
This is the second time that youve sent me the wrong size. I mean
I dont know if she was white.
Yeah.
Well
Never thought of myself as an executive before.
I cant think of any CEOs
I could be the Indian Julia Roberts.
Well
Indian guys always wear their cell phones outside their pants. Its so dorky.
Just put it in your pocket.
Can you stop micromanaging? I know how to do this.
This girl was really rude to me at the mall. So I created a fake I.M. account from a hot guy at her high school
Oh
Oh
Would you ask that same question if I was white? Were so in.
When I become executive
Namaste.
Hello.
Sometimes my bangs cover it.
I do find that offensive
For hobbies
Dwight : What are you doing?
God
And the best part is is that I get a business stipend to buy all new clothes. So you can totally buy any of my old clothes that Im not gonna need anymore.
Oh. Actually I was thinking about clothes that I was just gonna give to Goodwill anyway.
Thank you
Ill never forget everything that youve done for me.
Because I never forget anything.
Wait
Wait
Oh
Did Michael get them for you?
Where?
Claires? Zales? Rickys? Earring
Franklin Mills? King of Prussia? Springfield? Governors Place?
Eughh
Well
Cause its next to they baby section
I dont really know why youre screaming at me right now.
Thats Merediths cake. Its her birthday.
Hey guys
Guys
Of course Im the leak! I think I Tweeted it! I cant control what I say to people
That idea sucks.
Uh
Thanks Erin. But you know it only got two views. You know what I think it is? I think that music and dance are dead. Its everywhere. You know
I think its just time that we move on.
Oh
OK
Whats going on?
Well... we could be in it. You could use us.
Ryan
Ryan
No more singing and dancing for us.
Run!
So how can I help you?
Well this is America
Guess her good eye isnt that good because this is the second floor.
Were on the second floor. Why are these murders happening?
Oh no
No
Help! Somebody help me!   No!
Oh God. Come on! Come on! Come on!
Ryan
You make it so hard to love you sometimes.
This summer
I would just like to say something off of what Darryl said about the level playing field. That is actually a zoning issue. So
Yeah
You know what Dwight? You need to go back there
What did I say?
I talk a lot
Big mistake! Huge!
You shirt and tie are disgusto-barfo.
I thought they were kind of cute.
Ooooh!
What time is it?
What?
Is that a blow torch?!
Can we please talk about how gross Meredith is?
I guess maybe you should go marry a meth dealer with crabs.
Like Jim and Pam
Im on Sheryl Crows side in that whole thing
me!
Josh Duhamel.
I get that. I get that.
Um
Um
Could you for once just let us enjoy a party instead of making it about all your issues?
If I have to vote for someone
I heard your momma had more bacteria per square inch than a toilet seat.
Try Jesus.
Columbia Street in Washington Ave! When is he gonna come out?  phone rings
No really? Is there time to change this?! That show! Now first they say that Mr. Schu doesnt know anything about choreography
And what was with Jesses sudden turn on Rachel
Finn.
Rachel.
You have to stop.
You know what? Im so confused. Is this a Glee watching party? Or a Glee pausing party? Cause we keep stopping it
The shows back on
Oh my God what song was that?
What song was it?
Okay
Ahhh! Whats going on?!?!
Good luck Michael!
Are you guys meeting about WUPHF? You know that that was my idea
I said to Ryan
I think Im gonna stay here.
I do
But I--its not right.
Is the nail place Koreans or whites?
Good. And the dry cleaners?
Good.
I have a computer question. Hey Oscar?
Can you move aside so that I can ask Michael?
Michael
Oscar it must be killing you to know that Michael is smarter than you.
Yeah
Its present time
Sabre is actively looking for ways to involve me as minority executive trainee. So I suggested choosing the annual Christmas gift to the employees. And they said
Its a Hello Kitty laptop sleeve.
I wonder if these presents would be under as much scrutiny if I were white.
I said
Blankets
Hes rubbing his neck.
Well
So wheres the ring?
That is a great idea. Ultimatums are key. Basically
Michael
Oh
This is a fast food receipt from April.
God
What happened? Is there a ring?
Come on!
Wow.
Yes
Oh
Why are you eating stem first?
Youre killing him
Oh
Meredith
My resolution was to get more attention.
Cake.
Oh
But perhaps no achievement is greater than his on-again
Who am I? Im Kelly Kapoor
It is important to brand yourself
I could sit here
Profess Powell
Do you think you could tell us the ten secrets of business?
Come on Scott
Mm-hmm.
Yeah bitch.
Whoo!
Everybody
Over the weekend
The last thing that we want is any kind of drama.
We were having a beautiful weekend in the Poconos. We were making love
And in the morning we walked by a chapel and we stopped
Ummm
God baby
Ryan
And who is on my side?
Flowers
Yeah Michael the movie is amazing!
What are you referencing?
Dont do it Kevin
This is textbook. Its so uncool. Ryan does this to me all the time. Like its some offense to have feelings. Dont do it Kevin.
Are you serious? A half used candle? Get out of here Dwight. Youre blocking my table with your giant body.
Screw you man. People like my stuff.
You can take my Helen Fielding collection.
Ill get that you guys. Dont... its just... you know...
Oh
Have we met before?
Well
And that is what you call a meet cute.
What?!
Yes! Please! Please go away! And stop using that weird slow voice.
I think we should do cupcakes. I am one of the few people who looks hot eating a cupcake.
What?
Why should I pretend that you are my boss?
Yeah
You really would?
Sure thing
Mom
When Deangelos around.
All the time.
Lame? You worked at Anthropology?
Thats like my dream job. How did you even get that job?
You chose this job over that job?
Im sorry
No
Hes not saying anything!
Thats not fair
Oh my God
Its none of your business
Dwight went on a shooting spree
Dwight
Okay. I guess I can just not go. Do you guys wanna hear my solo?
Why did my temporary boss go on a shooting spree?
Yeah
Well
Yes
What was that?
Am I not a serious candidate?
I dont have any
Excuse me
Uh
Very
I dont know
Yeah
I dont know. Dwight seems like a great leader to me
That is correct. Actually
Im sorry
You are not leaving without giving me a hug.   Ughh.
Im sorry! You were just a lot bonier than I thought you were gonna be!
I dont care. They can just vote.
(planking on top of cabinet Very smart.
I cant get down.
How is this a pizza party?
Yeah
door opens
Why is it all kid stuff and a vibrator? Its so gross.
This point system is really insulting.
Thats a tablecloth.
So what
Oh dont try to get in on it now
Thatll work.
Bye.
Oh
I think I would keep working. And for my salary I guess I would take like a dollar a year....I mean obviously I wouldnt come in till noon and I wouldnt do anything I didnt wanna do. I mean Im getting paid a dollar a year
I dont get the reason for this party.
Whats the reason
I am so cold.
This is ridiculous! Why cant there just be two Kate Middletons?
Look
Oh my god
What are you
Well
1
Thank you.
Fine.
Mmhmm.
I guess.
I try not to think about it.
Never marrying.
What emails are you talking about?
Thats not that bad actually.
Um
Wha...whats Dwights mothers name.
Shut it down! Shut it down! Shut down the machine!!!   Shut it down! Shut it down!
Well
It is called the matchmaker test
Eww!
I mean
Yeah
Im gonna write something mean on his wall.
Oh my God
Yeah.
Pitiful.
Andy took some of the other people on a corporate retreat to Gettysburg.
I have these new sneakers which are basically like a gym for your feet.
I just want you to know that I will be mean to Jessica if you want me to be.
Its really no problem. I was already planning on being mean to her.
Eww
Cool.
Do you think thats what happened? Do you think he used a severed hand?
Well help me
Yo.
On it.
Jessica
And that
No
What!
Whoa
I dont know. It looks pretty great to me.
Yeah
Shh. Of course Im superstitious. What are you talking about?
Oh God.
Youve broken up your last couple
Cece
So then this means nothing to you.
Damn girl! Your body!
You wanna call someone? That texted you!? Do you wanna drive them away? I mean
Why?
Hell yeah.
Important? Oh because you and your enormous monster baby are so important to the branch.
For you maybe.
I dont know how Im going to live here without you.
Yes
Were screwed.
Will one of you get the phone? I am freaking out! I know its for me.   Are you guys kidding me? Stop flirting and someone get the phone!
Andy
Im dying!
Sometimes I get so bored I just want to scream
Guys
I thin were gonna need to here those texts.
No. Theres no way in hell Im leaving. Something interesting is happening here for once in my life
Boring.
Five dots
Andy this has been an amazing night. Epic.
Oh
Will someone please explain whats going on here? Since the interesting thing happened til now
So
No
I was a twelve year old bully.
Yeah
Good. Lets go.
You think youre so pretty!  Well youre not gonna be so pretty come Prom time!
Take that!  Not so pre-violent anymore!
Oh
Dwight
Thank you
Oh
Its no bother
cries
Oh
God I dont even remember what that fight was about.
Hes so sweet. He pointed to my latte and he said
Which time?
Ravi makes me incredibly happy. And Ryan puts me through so much drama. So I guess I just have to decide which of those is more important to me.
I wasnt going to interrupt.
Ryan.
You mean so much to me. But
I do.
I hope we can still be friends. Can I have a hug?
That was really cool.
Just keep chatting. Im just checking my makeup in your webcam.
Webcams make me look the way I do in my fantasies.
Im throwing out all my mirrors.
Now you look at me like youre adoring me
I dont need em anymore. I am going to Miami biotches. To hang with Lebron James and Gloria Estefan.
Enjoy the snow losers.
Uck
Hey
Whose baby is this? Oh
Drake is your babys name?
That is an amazing name. Im obsessed with Drake. His last album... it just touched me to pieces.
Cool. Well
Oh.
Ravi
I dont know
You gave your baby an allergic reaction just to talk to me?
I love you too.
Were running off into the sunset.
