Yeah
I remember.
Basically
It was kind of hard to hear.
Hey.
You wanna go to the beach?
You wanna get high?
I think you do
Maybe some spagh-etti.
Hes got to come out sometime. To go to the bathroom.
What are you guys talking about?
Thats a real thing.
Someone has it.
Do you think we should go ?
What is he doing?
Italian.
Yeah.
Their breads really good.
I have a hoop in my driveway.
So are you jealous cause theres another girl around?
Shes prettier than you though.

What is your type?
Stay away from my mom.
Oh
MILF!
She wasnt that hot.
Phyllis?
Packer said it.
You mean where my desk is?
Okay. I have a lot of work to do anyway.
Ooh.
Or when were bored.
Were bored a lot.
Oh!
We call it Hate Ball.
Because of how much Angela hates it.
Sometimes we play Who can put the most M&Ms in their mouth?
It smells like cookies.

Present company excluded?
Pam.
What if he dies in the fire? And thats the last thing you ever said to him.

Was it worth it?
Yeah.
Yeah. Oh.
Stacy.
Sweep the leg.
Later Jim.
Michaels movie? Two thumbs down.   Heh.
I heard they made out and had s*x.
Well
Romances?
Oooo.
Michael
I gotta erase a lotta stuff. A lot of stuff.
Thats pretty young.
Are you gonna eat with us?
My brother is in town and we are going to see the Alaska Film Festival at the Scien-
Oh.
Not so fast... Fire Guy.
Just turn around now
Well
But what are we going to do with this hacked off part?
Do we have one?
I got myself for Secret Santa. I was supposed to tell somebody
Should we just keep opening up the presents?
I want the foot bath.
Thats the thing I bought myself. Im really psyched to use it.   Maybe I should have taken the iPod. Oh
Kevin Malone.
Yeahhh.
Mine.
Thanks for the party
Can you hop?
I think thats from Big.
What does that mean?
The thing you just said?
Whhh... What are you guys doing?
Michael is that a wig?
No.
Jim has got it bad for Pam.
Well shes the... Hey Michael so do you think Jim will try to break up the wedding?
Nice... she is so hot.
Whats goin on?
I dont think thats vomit.
Me?
Oh
Michael.
Michael
It smelled terrible.
I bet Roy heard about you liking Pam. I bet hell try to beat you up.
Ive got your back if he does. But try to stay out of it.

That sucks so much.
Woah.
Woah
Man
Oh zip it.
Whose it from?
You should go to Hedonism.
Its like Club Med
Ive never
I always set it at 69.
This... is my file cabinet. Uhm... oh. This... is the partition... between my desk... and Angelas.
Abbys my fiancee Stacys daughter
Go ahead.
Whatre you doing? You never have plans.
Niiice.
No. Im still waiting.
They said this afternoon. Theyre waiting on a second opinion.
Um
Right.
Hello? Hey.
No
Still scary.
Well the doctor said a combination of interferon and dicarbazine.
If I go home now
I cant relax about it
No
Okay
Hello? Yeah okay. Alright. Okay
This is awesome. Thanks
Hey...

That is so good
Im not taking Rogaine.
Id like a magazine.
Id still like one.
So
Cause Im in a band. We really rock.
I accept your decision!
Something with animals. Or people.
We really dont do a lot of weddings. We actually dont play in public very often. We are all really hoping that Pams wedding works out. This could be a turning point for the band.
Come on
Yes.
Dwight
Yeah
Pam. Jim Halpert
I won the 2002 $2
All-in.
Three queens.
I suck.
I do not want to talk about it.
Yeah?
Awesome. Did Pam say it was okay?
Dude
All right.
This is the first Ive heard of it. They never tell me anything. I like it that way.
Absolutely
Has anyone in the office bought anything nice recently?
Yeah.
Oh
An emergency like
Dont yell at me.
Why dont we just ask her if she took the $3
Oh
Thanks
$3
Were in the process of interviewing everyone in the office. I think its kind of fun. Its a great chance to catch up with people.
I dont think it was him.
Angela thinks its an insult when she calls me a genius
I dont know.
Why? Whats going on?
Why?
All right.
Ive never seen it.
Who?
How do you know?
You have a crush on Roy.
You have a crush on Roy. Unbelievable.
Does he excite you? Does he get your blood flowing?
Does he get your...
Roy and Angela sitting in a tree K-I-S
No.
You would have to take some from petty cash.
In Oscars drawer.
Well
Oh
But you can if you want to.
Oh
I didnt steal $3
I talked to Creed
No
No. Angela
Yeah.   God.
Yeah
Fine
I finished my own memo.  The memo reads: Tuesday To Whom it May Concern: ANGELA STINKS. Kevin Malone
Oops. Um
Yeah
Cause Im telling you that I didnt.
Oh
You guys
The guys who stole the money.
He is still in there.
What time is it now?
Its slow.
Well
I think youre mean.
What are you doing tonight? Wanna get a beer?
What are you doing?
What happened to your old wok?
Its okay.
Shh
This is so much fun.
Get it?
Animal House. You guys are breaking my spirit.
Attention! There is a lot of junk in here! Over!
Awesome.
Do you think this thing is worth $3
Okay
He has a snow-globe drawer.
Id lock it
I like it.
No.
But what are you doing?
I do not think you should do that.
And here.
Yeah. Oh.
Very well.
This is the best day of my life.
: That sounds great.
So did you hear?
Pams back on the market again.
If I werent engaged
Yes!
Ok. Billy-Bob
Do you have any savings?
Michael
Me
Oh
Hey! Hey!
Account...? Michael
Night
Are you guys going to this Indian thing tonight?
Oooh. Do you mean like
She looks like Pam from the neck down.
This is the best meeting weve ever had.
Stop it. Its a disease! Ive told you.
Nice outfit.
Well
Where are we going?
How about Cuginos?
How bout Coopers then?
But
Hooters?
Yes!
Hey Pam
All right.
Cool.
Hey Ryan
Awesome. Lets go
Michael
Can I have your pencils?
Oh
In general
This thing is so awesome. It will shred anything. Ooh! It will shred a CD. It will shred... a credit card. It will shred... oh!   Shoot.
The beef is poisoned?
Staples.
Hmm.
Andy.
Hmm. Martin?
Wait
He is black... right? And...
Yeah!
I wonder what he did.
Cool.
I had Martin explain to me three times what he got arrested for
You got outdoors time?
Michael
I would so rather be in prison.
Hey! Let us out of here! Hey! I have--
The tires look pretty worn.
Thats not fair.
Hey.  Toby puts hand on Kevins back
Then why are there two flyers?
Right.
I didnt see where it was.
I think Ill go to Angelas party
I hear Angelas party will have double-fudge brownies. It will also have Angela. Double fudge... Angela... double fudge... Angela   Hmmm...
Dont push it.
Youve got to be kidding!
I want you to know. That Im happy for you. I wish nothing but...
And Im here to remind you of the mess you left when you went away. Its not fair
Right.
Dude
Already sent it to you my friend.
Jan.
Hi Jan
Yeah. How was it?
What am I going to do?   Im gonna hang it up at home. I dont have a lot of art.
Angela.
That was a voicemail that corporate left last night. They did not get our tax forms. Did you send them?
Are you sure? It is a big deal.
... Do you really not know? Because it is a big deal.
How much did you win?
I won $400 bucks on the Celtics game last night.
Thanks
Oh
Yeah? I thought of it like
Can I join too?
Okay. The game is no limit deuce to seven lowball. Lines twenty five fifty
Michael.

Hi. Im Kevin.   Where did you find her?
Riiight. The gym.
No this is not our first wedding. This is the THIRD wedding that Scrantonicity has played. We also played our bassists wedding and our guitarists wedding.
Attention
My tire blew out on the way here
I almost died. I... I went into this skid---
...What?
I almost died.
Wow.
I... am a hero!
Is everything ok
Hey Pam.
Oscar. Angela.
Yeah.
Its complicated. I would appreciate some space on this.
No
No
Good thing you didnt listen to me.
Later
Man
Youre wearing a womans suit?
Who makes it?
Karen
Michael
Yeah. I heard you might need it. So...
Jim--- Roy--- Look out!
Five bucks says its over 50.
Ever since March Madness ended
Damn...
On what?
Nice.
Long johns? A shaw?
Ten.
That is lame.
Oh
Damn it.
That is not fair. He has spent hours up here at reception with you. Hours and hours.
No
Ryan
Here you go.
Okay
If someone gives you 10
Oh! Can I be   Australian
ello
I like ice cream too
Sir
Eleven.
Yeah
Oh
Still said it.
Im guessing not.
Yes
Hey
You arent curious?
Yeah
Yeah. Im going in.
Oh... my... God.
Yes.
This is so great
Youre in here.
OK.
I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. Thats all Ive ever wanted.
And the night got deathly quiet
Are you going to try it?
Angela
Why dont you go Michael?
Hey.
Whats different about you? You look worse.
So Jim
Pam is taller.
Yes. She has bigger breasts
I think Karen has a prettier face.
Well I mean Pams face is really pretty too. Its a very tough call.
Yeah.
Will do.
Do you think its gonna to be weird working with Jan in New York?
What?
Yeah
I love fake boobs. Often times
Karen. She looks corporate. Those little pants suits.
Do we have to?
Trees.
Forest.
Are you kidding me
Are you kidding me?
Whos we
Oh
Oh
I bet you were.
What
Whoa!

Oh well
Michael?
You cannot make me run.
It is not a real charity. Its stupid Michael
You didnt run for me...
...when I thought I had skin cancer.
No.
I just dont want to run. I didnt bring my sneakers or my clothes.
Back off me.
I knew it!
Fire!
You werent here for that.
When he started the fire.
Little old man boy.
Bearded man boy.
No way!
Yeah
Oh
What does that mean?
Tuna Tuna Tuna.
And he can get any girl that he wants.
Tuna. Check you later.
Dude
That was so awesome.
Isnt 7 pm a little late for a lunch party?
Maybe you could just change the U into an A.
Wait! Alfredos Pizza Cafe? Or Pizza by Alfredo?
No
Oscar
Oh no
We think its a straight forward kidnapping.
Whats going on?
Were getting hungry out there. Were all accomplices now anyway
Good pizza.
Different stuff.
I guess he wanted to get out of here before the cops find out.
The bar uses an applause meter. That is why its so important that you all come and applaud only for my band. Scrantonicity 2. NOT Scrantonicity
Dammit.
I know whats right
I dont know.
I do gamble Michael.
The mob.

Yeah
Shh.
True
Mama Bear!
I kind of know what its like to be in commercials. My nickname in high school used to be Kool-Aid Man.
Michael
Damn it!
Damn it!
Yeah
Oh
You never call back.
About what?
Are you sure he wants me? Because I have Oscar balance my travel receipts.
Oh
sitting down
Hurts like hell.
If I had someone to set you up with Michael
Nope. Stacy broke up with me.
Not anymore.
Its a bitter situation.
No
Yes.
Nice.
Michael
We need to assemble the five families.
We have to.
The five families are the five companies of Scranton Business Park. The bosses rarely meet. Theres Michael Scott
Im calling the meeting anyway.
I... have... things...
We want our parking spaces back!
W.B. Jones construction guys park in our parking spaces every morning and some people have to park really far away and walk all the way to the office. And some people sweat too much for comfort and---
After Stacy left
We did it.
We got our spaces back.
Later.
Way to go
Oh God.
Michael you could put your initials in it.
Hey Pam
All the girlfriends that Ive ever had have worn glasses.
Yeah
Like librarians.
Could you just say
Michael
Its Michael versus Stanley
What are we talking? Skins? Acey Duecy? Bingo bango bongo? Sandies
Im gonna take this petty cash I got from Oscar
Andy
Yeah.
Ooh! Winner gets ten bucks! Wait -wait for me! Andy!
Okay
Oooh!
Hi.
I do the numbers.
Do you want a M&M?
Yeah. I keep them here at my desk so that everybody doesnt take them.
Yeah.
Hi.
I cant decide what to get.
Well I like pretzels
Hmm...
Im totally gonna bang Holly! She is cute
Woah! Cool! A bouncy house!
Yup. This is my car. Do you drive your own car?
Okay
Yeah
No
Just hurry.
It was great to see you
Yeah
I think you kids have a lot to catch up on.
Yeah.
Ill go to the diner with you.
Yeah
Me too.
That seems early
Thatd be DUI.
Ill always remember Merediths back. Thats all I can see from my desk. All that red hair
Hi
What do you mean?
Wha...
Im a little mad
Kidnapping is the asportation of a person against the persons will
In every good hostage movie
I still do not have your reimbursement check.
Hi.
Jim
Im gonna take so much money off that guy. That guy is a whale. Im gonna clean him out. This is really gonna get me out of a hole.
Hes not my client.
Hey Oscar
When you get a loan
No
Lets say you tell the bank that youre going to open up an ice cream store but instead you buy an ice cream cart? Technically you are still selling ice cream.
Gambling debts? What?
Whats a bookie? I dont even know what youre talking about. You are weird. You are a really weird dude
Okay
We will be selling ice cream.
The business will have a mobile component.
In a way.
We have flavors.
Um
We would buy the ice cream in a store. Or we would make it our self.
No.
I have a lot questions for you too.
If you grant me this loan about how long will it take for me to have cash in hand?
Niiice.
Ive got it.
Oh my God I think weve been the target of a sting operation.
Are you wearing a wire?
Please do not hurt me.
Im sorry just dont be mad at me.
That little dude may hurt me if I dont get that bank loan.
Im gonna sell ice cream out of a cart.
Why not?
I know.
We need a secret signal that lets me know if Im talking too much.
You have a great... vest.
Strawberry.
Hi Brad
Oh boy...  Kevin stands and drops his briefcase
outside the office with a cart
No
Ten dollars.
Ice cream! Gooooood ice cream!
Pam
Yeah.
Hi Jan.
Hows the candle game?
Cool. Thank God they found her
Hey!
Thank you
Wait
Oh
What?
Firrrrre-duh guy!
Yeah.
You too.
Because youre kind of doing Michael Clump.
I got a gift for Pam and Roy. Do I have to get another one?
Oh come on! Hes right there.   He was hired.   Oh check it out
Its a trap.
I think were out.
I think she got it as a tip
But Phyllis
Michael
So we had games planned but the baby ruins all of them.
OK... Who wants to guess when the baby will be born?
Yeah
Oscar
Hi
Federal and State.
Fine.  throws down microphone
Dammit Creed! Ive been up since four!
Michael
You love your mom.
T minus...
You did it
Yes.
So Jim
Michael
Michaels a genius.
Hey Michael
Fire girl.   Too soon?
Well
Yeah
Whoo-hoo!
Hot tamales.
Uh oh.
Oh
Because I wouldnt want an innocent person
How about
Were not listening.
Oh come on
most of office huddles around print out of Hillary Swank
She looks like a monster.
That is not the question.
Yeah
Five. Five to five.
So what do we do now?
The debate is whether she is hot.
Huge difference. A painting can be beautiful
Are you serious? Jim
Hes making all these fancy
Kevin sits down
Ladies and gentlemen
Wait
This is ridiculous.
Its out in the hall.
I cant keep doing this forever.
Call it.
I would want to live with no legs.
Michael
Oh my GOD... Oh man... Ohhhhh my God...
in the lunch room
Im almost done.
I didnt eat lunch.   I didnt eat all my lunch.
It... yeah.
Wait
Any cat
Why would we-  cats meowing from Angelas computer
Is that what I think it is?

That one ugly cat is humping Princess Lady!
No way.
Oh

This is getting weird.
Ohhh...
I was looking at pictures of food on my computer.
Ooh- can she pick a half hour of each?
Oh
No
I miss Stacy.
I cant even imagine.
Was he in to you in like a gay way?
A week later a friend of mine calls me up
My worst breakup was with Stacy. It was a Sunday morning
Hello.
Im from here!
Thank you
At the Circle Drive-In they show old movies. Its really cool.
I used to go there with my fiance  . Before she left me  . No
I think I blew it. It all happened so fast. So... fast.
Hey
Are you on email?
Cool. Bye.
Good Valentines.
I think I should call her.
Why is it so bad for me to call and ask her to lunch today?
But I do like her just the way she is.
Andy
You guys are throwing a lot at me.
Right.
Like that?
Lynn
I think you have the best smile. Id like to take you out to dinner and a movie.
Nice.   Boobs.
Ni-
Hey!
Michael?
I just realized that I used the 2008 calendar to do the spreadsheets for January and February. I may need to come in this weekend to fix it.
Ok.
That hes wasted 15 years of your life?
Michael is that scotch?
Pam?
When will the new copier be ready?
You said it would be ready by today. And it is today.
Soon could mean anything. Soon could be 3 weeks.
Sometimes.
Oh!
I always thought Michael got a bad rap. Hes a good guy. And hes super funny. Yeah
I think hes singing.
Michael
But you didnt want to start with us?
Phones?
Oh
Please hold.   Andy! Phone call.
Yeah
Okay. Andy
Oh
Hold it.
This is Kevin. Please hold and I will transfer you.
Just... dont answer that call!
Your call is very important to us. Ple-
Wag.
I thought Rajini Ghanda was a boys name?
Try it in another sentence.
I guess I could be nicer.
Hi.
At least once a year
So
Yeah.
Yeah. This place is great.
Im sorry.
Yeah. Respect the lei.
Is there a cookie?
I wanted a cookie.
Michael
I got it.
Set!
Yeah!
Its six to six. Its a nail-biter.
Kelly
I thought that I could do it.
Yeah?
I would very much like to do that.
Q.
T.
I might have extra
Yeah... what do you mean exactly?
Reeeeally.

Tea.
You would.
Oh
Do you like it as much as you like mens butts?
Because youre gay.
I need to do mine first. Whos been saying that theres another person inside of me
Stay.
I knew it! Her breasts were a tiny bit bigger. At first I thought Oh
Hey
Hey
Like money? Like you-- you want my money?
Will you take a check?
Cool. In the memo line
Wait til Monday.
Jim is only giving raises to the salesmen.
Totally!
Yeah.
Yeah
What does a bean mean?
Michael
What does a bean mean?!
What does a bean mean?
Michael!
So... youre going to provide them
What the hell?
Oh yeah.
People dont think of me as one of the sharper dressers in the office... but Im going ot turn that around at this wedding. I thought
She thought I was your boyfriend.
Oscar
Im not gay. Im Kevin.
Yes.
Are you seeing anyone right now?
Cool.
She probably switched cards with someone. Like I did with Erin.
Yes!
That sounds epic. Can we bring anything?
Its a good idea.
Yeah. But thats easy enough for you to say
What else you got?
Its gonna be fine. Its gonna be fine. Pams here.   Pam?
I left a pair of dress shoes in a bag outside my door last night to be cleaned at polished
Thank you.
They were stolen?
What?
But that was my only pair of shoes.
Well... well damn-it.
Okay.
Oscar. Angela.
Im trying to decide if I have time to pee.
The peeing is fast
Oh
Who would want it?
What an awesome party. The best wedding Ive ever been too. I got six numbers. One more would have been a complete telephone number. This was epic. My Kleenex shoes were a huge conversation piece
Jims gone on his honeymoon. So I started borrowing his office to fart in. Then one day I came in and I just stayed. Cause this place is awesome. It feels like home now. Even better than my home. My home sucks.
Hello.
Oh man
Um
Six-six-five-zero.
Wait a minute. Yes I am.
No. That... I
No-
Shoot.
I usually can think quick on my feet
Oh God. I wouldnt last in jail Oscar. Im not like you.
Oh you dont know about jail? Oh you would love jail.
Because... You would love it.
Hi Pam
Okay
Cool. Okay.   Bye.
They have no idea what happened.
Oooh yeah...   Jim and Pam!
Shhhh...
Shhh...
Whos pickle?
Yes! Thats what Im talking about.
Oh... whered you get that hat?
That is hilarious.
Im gonna kill you.
Yeah. Every single day.
I dont want people making fun of my weight.
Enjoying your nut?
Im not mocking. I was just making an observation about a nut.
Well stay late.
Open QuickTime.
No! Use QuickTime. Trust me. Ive done this.
Here they come.   Boom!
Hi.
Because of s*x?
My moneys on Pam.
Michael could win.
Why cant you just agree with me sometimes?
Were here for the show
No way. Last time you pulled my pants down and then you tried to choke me with my shoelace.
retching sounds coming from the mens bathroom
It smells like throw up in here.
Whoa
Oooo
He lives on Sesame Street
Yall.
Do you want to go out on a date with me? We can make out by the horses.
Nice.
That could be a good sign.
Now
Michael
Check it out
Does and email count?
Yeah.
Hey.
Jim said that?
Jim said that?
No
I... I... I did not... That was not... How come not?
Look who it is!  shows camera the cake
Congrats Phil!
Michael its me
When can I sit on your lap?
Thats really comfortable.
I dont know. I didnt know you were gonna ask me that.
I didnt know. Nobodys ever let me sit on their lap before.
Can you give me some choices? Cause I really dont want to mess up on this list.
What about if I tell you the things I dont want?
I didnt even get to tell you what I wanted!
Awesome.
Michael I had you. I just want to try Phyllis.
He got scented candles!
Christmas tree
Thank you.
Yeah.
Just cause you have liquid that doesnt make it a toast.
Hi!
What
Hi.
Jo
Nice!
I cooked my way through Julia Childs cookbook
Pregnant Pam and I
I thought that maybe we should do something special for early dinner. One last ultra feast.
I think it should be a surprise.
For the love of God
Her shirt is touching them. Maybe we should cut holes in her shirt.
Stick spicy food up her butt.
Our ultra feast menus theme : Hollywood. We have Ratatouille
Im petrified.
Ta-da!
Yes!
Oh
Erin
Yes!
Bye.
Hi.
She touched my shoulder.
No.
Yes.
Hi.
Yeah
Really
Yeah
Yeah.
Yeah.
You said she liked me.
Ive dumped better than Erin.
Lynn was way hotter than Erin
Yeah
Jo
Just because Jo has no life
Oh Im in.
You are never going to find them.
Im going to enjoy this.
Im still enjoying it.
Turn the trash. Turn the trash.
No
What -
Um
Yeah. When we walked in here
Yeah!
Oh
Yeah!
Waaah!
When a new mom hears a baby cry
Waaaah!   Waaaaah! Mommy!
Yeah!
This isnt funny. I dont talk like that.
No. I wont say it.
Angela
Yeah
Man
Theyre making fun of Cookie Monster. I get that. But in a strange way
Oscar
Thank you.   It really makes me self-conscious about my voice.
Im not crying.
Do my hands feel sweaty to you?
Yeah.
Erin
So if you need anything
C is for suspension.
Uh guys
Ciao Right? Ciao. I say Ciao because Im fancy from Tallahassee.
I made the most brilliant retaliation video. Its awesome.
But Oscar is an accountant
But the Count is purple and Oscar wears purple.
Thank you.
Look at that. Shes totally flirting with him.
Like that?
Yeah
Yeah
Well
I think its over
Michael
Ooh.
Thats hilarious.
Boi-oi-oi-ing
Wow. That is crazy.
Yeah. Thats pretty bad.
That is a dangerous game
Why not your condo?
No.
Jo
Well
Wait
No
Well
No
Performing isnt necessarily the only way to express yourself. For example
Thank you.
This is a haiku I wrote: Beauty approaches  I am brought under its spell  I long to be with. Then I ran out of syllables.
Oh yeah.
Quit playing hard to get
Hello? Is anybody here?
Oh no! Oh. Its locked! Please
Well
Wait
Oh
Yeah. Let me take a look at the circus board.
That was awesome!
I know how you got it.
Michael come on. A cold sore is herpes.
I never seen herpes on you.
You have a pen1s?
Michael
It feels unbelievable!
...unbelievable.
It feels amazing!
Yes.
Just admit that your baby was a mistake.
You got it! Lance Armstrongs Bike!
Nice.
I could sing it.
But my voice is unique. Like Bob Dylan.
Hes like a better-looking Andy.
Yeah.
Oh
Or the me that stinks.
Suns in her eyes
Your mama mighta said that bullfrogs are dogs
Croak!
Nice.
sitting at Phyllis desk
The statement that I am making
You own a bar?
I dont think that she would leave Jim for Danny.
I am never gonna forget what Danny did to Pam. I forget nothing. Im like an elephant in that way.
Yeah
Okay
Theyre really upset about the whole Danny situation.
Yeah
Or youre dead.
Okay.
I am so sorry.
I just thought-
Well
I told him that there was this one cool move where she powers down like a robot.
Okay? But I- I am so sorry that I didnt tell you first.
You think that I would let this happen again?! NO WAY JOSE.
you
Pam. Can you vote for other people?
I cancelled my plans to come to this thing
With what? How? Sometimes
Give me the baby!
Look at these scones
They should do that thing where they play the really good music to get him to come out.
No! I bet hes wishing he was strangling someone!
Hey
Yeah! You gotta go to the bosss party!
No hes not the boss.
Cause
I wanted to eat a pig in a blanket
I cant believe were missing that!
Please Michael
Big Boobs.
Wow.
Commission comes out to... dunh-duh-na-dah! Zero.
I entered the sale
Dunh-duh-na-dah!
You had me at s*x.
Awesome!
stuck in the maze
Help! Hello?! Oh! Help!
An antacid that you only take once a week.
Michael! An antacid pill that you take once every six weeks.
Its too big of a pill to swallow.
Thank God.
Uh oh
Well
Then see you later building.
I said see you later building.
Oh
Angela
Oh
Oh
I would
Yeah.
Hi
Yeah.
Did you bring us anything from Nashua?
Wait
Oh no
Oh
I bet you didnt even bring us anything
For your feet!
Wow
Congratu-ohhh.
Hey!   Right back atcha
Well
Well not all of us are Michael Freaking Scott.
I dont know. Im glad this is happening. Thank you
This is a new food for me
Can I get some cheese whiz? Or hollandaise?
God
All right
Can I get some candy
You were super mean.
It was traumatizing
Okay
Well
Im going to help you.
Hey
Hows your fart project coming?
Me.
Hey
Andy
Then I wont let you down.
Yep.
Go.
Yes!
There are some people who have charm and some people who dont. Guess which type I am. Charm type.
Dream... big. Right? So what I want you to do is dream the biggest that you c... an.   And then double it!  .
No. Yes!
No. Im fine. Okay
What?
Red gloves.
I cant wait.
Ok
Ditto.
Nice!
Yes
I dont know
Can I finish? Can I finish? Is that okay? I was saying...I enjoy watching them because it makes me horny.
Oooh.
Booby honking.
Butt honking.
As has Kevin!
She goes to another school.
Yeah
Hey
Which one? I have a lot of stupid faces.
Better luck next time
Suck it
Pizza
Dont you guys get it? Nobodys coming for us.
Michael Scarn!
Its like one of the best movies Ive ever seen in my life.
Or carnivals!
Youre eating eight year old tomatoes?
Ive got some cheese you might like too. In between my toes.
Yes!
Nice! We got burned!
What dont you understand about the word approved? It seems some of you dont know what the word approved means.
I have very little patience for stupidity.
Mean but good!
Hey
I do know how to read though!
Hes right. I mean
I got a lot of numbers here to put together.
Thats silly. If anything
Well
Woah
200.
45.
Damn it.
Yea when I was a kid I was on Dallas.
Yea. When I was kid we missed our connecting flight and we spent the entire day on Dallas. Then we spent a week on Hawaii... I was in heaven.
Yea.
Nice.
No you cant do that. You cant play a black mail card and call a proxy meeting in the same turn.
no this card is from the wrong game this is from the game of life.
No but thats not fair.
Hey guys its my turn.
Yeah I told you
This is stupid and I want my money back. Wheres the money?
Ok you know what? I am never ever playing board games with you two again.
And that is Dallas.
Thats awesome!
All of us?
Nope! Its not Ashton Kutcher. Its Kevin Malone! Equally handsome
Burnt! Its lush
Interesting.
Awesome!
Nice!
Yes! I love banter. But I hate witty banter.
Hi!
I brought them from home! Do you have a red?
Oh really?  camera shows that Kevin has drawn a house on the tablecloth.
For birthdays!
Oh!
Oh...
Better...
But...
Michael
Sounds beautiful!
Im going to!
Finally! That old shredder sucked.
Yeah
I know...
No
This all sounds great to me.   But I could see how some people might think that theyre bad. I dont know what to think.
Jim only says that because hes in the inner circle. I also say that because I am also in the inner circle. Did you get that
Yes!
Yeah
Yes.
Oh
Didnt drop a single ball!
Hot!
That sounds like Pam. You know how she gets. Deangelo
Jim
Yeah.
Whoa.
Yes! Okay.
One...
No food now? Someone has to do something about Dwight!
You could put a banana in it.
In case you werent hungry now
Put back everything in the vending machine except the fruit.
Put everything back in the vending machine except... the fruit.
What the   is that?   Oh
Hey
My back is sore
Hey
No
I dont feel anything.
Push harder
Go a little higher. There you go. Nope
Knead it. Knead it like a pizza.
Dont eat it.
Another one?
Thank you.
Nice.
Oh
Um... Business!
The Botanical Gardens
Yeah! Tell us a story.
Okay
We dont tell her.
giggling
Yeah. Low blow
Its good. Its just that I wish the puppets would talk more about the alphabet. Not for me... but
Do you mean it? Anybody? Are you sure?
Okay... well what do I want in a manager?... let me see.   what do I want?...
So now anyone gets to talk at any times?
What do I want?... Im looking for someone... who...   Everyone is listening to me.  Dwight looks at the camera
Later
Exactly.
We need a warning signal.
We do.
WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!
I know! Its alphabetical.
Warning! Warning! Warning!
The thing that I like about Elmo is the tickling.
I knew it. I just knew
Loser. Losers.
Yes. Me do.
Me do it now. Go. Stop worry.
Me feel good. Body strong. Sleep big last night.
You keep think that.
Me mechanic not speak English. But he know what me mean when me say car no go
Thank.
But save time. More success.
No me fault.
Many small time make big time.
See world.
See world. Oceans. Fish. Jump. China.
Fine
When me President
Wait
Well Im just quoting you. I would never say that about her. I dont know the woman.
This is where we go
Its a answer.
There are no wrong answers.
Dont! oh
So...DARRYL! A GIRL!
Kevin.
No!
Dont talk to me!
For sure.
Here
Good old Kevin. Hell do anything. Well guess what? I will not do a good job.
Damn!
OK
Guys! When I was a kid
Yeah we move stuff and it was fun.
Right. My mom-
So I found this grease. And then I remembered that you thought it was a great idea.
I think were ready to give thi-   Jim?
Here...
Oh hey guys.
OK Darryl
No Jim
Señor Loadenstein. Tell em why its called that
Yeah
I understand.
I think this thing is broken.
Andy? I think we should acknowledge the man who has led us to such a profitable quarter. To Robert California.
The gorilla from Rise of the Planet of the Apes? Huh? The one who sacrifices his life.
Its been out for ages
Jim
Come on
Im only scared of real things like serial killers and kidnappers. Not things that dont exist like ghosts or mummies.
Yeah  ...prank
Why on Earth would a museum put a mummy in it?!?
Exactly.
Nooo!
Thank you.
Im on it.
Good thinking.
Apparently a big client for this company
What does this mean? What does it mean!
Uh
Yeah.
Guys come on. Im right here.
Isnt it supposed to be
Yes!
Hey
Were called Kevin and the Zits.
I have a tambourine.
Nice guys
We all got to go sometime.
Dude
You do that on TV!
Guys
Yeah? Okay
Maybe we should warm up with some scales?
Whoo!
Mm-hmm.
Are you serious? From Star Trek?
Yeah.
Guys
Yes!
Not food and stuff.
Oh
The fire pit is a no-brainer.
Okay.
Well
Yeah. But not just the cookies
Kay
Thank you.
I dont know.
Yes. I am an accountant.
Never trust a cookie with a womans name. Pecan Sandy. Lorna Doone. Madeline. Theyll just break your heart.
What?!? No!
No! This is not fair! This is my idea. Hes trying to steal it because hes jealous of me.
Every time you buy a Big Mac you set one ingredient aside. Then at the end of the week you have a free Big Mac. And you love it even more because you made it with your own hands.
How can we do that? Shes simply wonderful.
Yeah. You need to be over here with us accountants. Just sit here and be quiet. And if you have a question
Hey
How ya holdin up...because of your wife leaving you?
Yeah.
Yes.
Oh yes.
Good cookie.
I dont wanna put you out
Hey.
So
Oh yeah!
I cant help it
Hey! I can make that error.
No
Okay.
How am I supposed to know what was on his mind? Ooh
Ron Artest
Nicely done!
Oh yeah!
Three hundred pounds!
Les Jolies Choses.
Marie Cotillard exposes herself a number of times in that film.
Look
Lets just do our thing
Riboflavin?
Dude
Yeah. All of us in the pool
Hey Oscar
It was me.
Whoa.
Im right here!   Cold. Cold. Come on
Okay. Watch my toes.
Thats racist! I dont know. But I would say
Wow!
Kelly
No!
Is it black? Cause that would be hilarious.
You know.
A little bit
Oh
Yeah
Got that
Hi!
Phillip is so fat.
You warned me not to say anything if it was tiny
Im going to call him Little Kevin.
I got Little Kevin Call of Duty.
Little Kevin.
Extremely
Well
Hey!
Because I feel like that Im in a place with my gambling rehab that I can finally start going to dog racing again. You know
When do we leave?
Look at these little mini pizzas. Does this make me look huge?   Hey guys
Are those the lyrics?
One order.
Dude
One order.
It happens! Like a hospital needs more napkins for surgery...
Oh
Listen
I woke up at 4 am by accident in time for the paper to be delivered. Guess what?
Its not a kid on a bike. Its a man in a car.
Yeah
Poor Andy! First you got beat up by a gang
Bye.
Whether its a gremlin or chucky the doll. The key is to throw it in something. Like a fireplace
Cookies
Oh
I know. But sometimes you still get a little something.
I do.
Oh
Hey guys
No. Wait
Metaphorically 69ed. Ew. Perverts... no offence Oscar.
Thats true. If I have a question about my cookies at midnight
This is tough. Cause Darryl
No
Hungrier.
Hungrier.
Oh yeah
Go.
Perfect! Now people will think Im doing hot girls all day.
Okay
What do you mean?
No guys
Nice.
When that went up there
I just remember pushing aside my silky bangs to say
oooh
Huh. Yeah
Hot tub party?
I do.   Come on everyone...
Come on Jim
None taken.
Shh
You think this is a great party? This cake has vegetables in it. Like a salad bar
Welcome home.
Yeah.
Thank you. Nellie was nice enough to give it to me. Shes sweet. I just wish there was pockets.
Get lower.
Dwight couldnt get it up for Nellie?
Tip-top shape.
Ooh
Yeah. Man
Yeah
because he fired you which means apparently youre living in your car now.
Wait
Its going to be super weird
Hey
Oh man
Creed
No! It was my idea to not be raped!
Whoa
So Dwight doesnt understand silent auctions. I guess hes the stupid guy in the office
Im sorry
No. No hes not.
Youre welcome!
Sometimes I feel like every one I work with is an idiot. and by sometimes I mean all times. All the times. Every of the times!
My dog Ruby doesnt do anything
Well I put out Pro Bow-Wow
Doesnt really poop. Its perfect
She smells horrible. Its unbelievable. But I dont want to put her in the bath
People seem awful interested in you Ruby. Guess theyre just jealous
The branch closed. Forever.
Hey
Wait
Even I know thats weird.
Oh
So I patched him with stuff from around the office. But I couldnt get the pieces to fit right. Then one day
The one who uses the doorbell
Angelas cats are cute. So cute that you just want to eat them. But you cant eat cats. You cant eat cats
Ill take him.
I am enormously proud of what I did for that turtle!
Go ahead
Oh
A wheel is supposed to spin.
Okay
This sucks.
Yeah
Oh boy! Whats happening?
Heifers International. Listen to this. They give a poor person like
Whats the craziest place youve ever made whoopie?
Totally. George Clooney.
What is the craziest place youve ever made whoopie?
And John Wayne?
Wayne Johnson? The Rock?
Yeah
Thats me.
As would I.
My name is Kevin.
That is my name.
They call me Kevin.
Cause thats my name.
Next stop pies!
At five? Thats only twenty minutes from now. The pie shop is thirteen miles away. So at fifty five miles an hour that just gives us five minutes to spare.
Wh...
314 pies.
Well
Well now I dont even feel like pie. Wait...no its back.
Guys
I insult you
I insult you! To your face!
Then why dont you do something about it?
You dont have the guts. You stupid
Oh yeah. I decided that acapelca music is awesome.
It turns out
Thats beautiful. No
I really want to. Whatever happens
What happened?
Yeah
I dont know what youre talking about.
I... did not.
Oh really
I have to go to the bathroom!
I have to go to the bathroom!
Drives away waving
Please
Please
I cant
Yeah
Yeah
Me too. Cause then
Hi.
Oscar
Oh that is nice. Classy move.
What are you doing?
Well Oscar
You know what Angela? I- Oh my god.
Come on Oscar
It is really cool! U-S-A! U-S-A!
I totally forgot about the affair for a minute.   Oscar is having s*x with the senator and Angela doesnt even know.   Her life is a complete sham!
Nice!
Thats the winter season.
Whats happening in three months?
Make it go taller.
No
Youre not getting this
Me and Pete are building a tower.
Obviously. Hes a sweet kid
Huh?
Yep
Okay
No
Yeah.
Nice.  Pretty soon
I am Oscar Martinez.
Wha-- wh--
Nice! Yeah.
Nice. Nice.
You did it.
So were not going to have a Christmas party this year? Angela
Well
Mini-Cupcakes? As in the mini version of regular cupcakes
No.
Come on
now
Oh
Yes
Nope.
No
I wish my car had a bathroom.
I love this hog mama.
What is maw?!
To me
No.
Oh
The Hawks are terrible. Theyre always terrible.
No.
Here man.   You need that more than me.
Yeah
I think he needs some hugs
An Escalade.
Big mistake.
So does this mean youre gonna take Darryl back?
Well
shoving large amounts of bubble wrap into the baler
I wonder what happened over there. Ive been sitting here the whole time.  as the baler crushes the bubble wrap
Hey
Taste test? Im in!
Yeah
Alright everybody
Alright
No way.
Ok guys
Yes!
Yes!
One!
Two...
Three...
Four!
Pam! Pam
Pam
It feels really hot in here. Is it hot in here? It feels really really hot in here.
So long
Well I cant stand here if you pull the carpet out from under me.
Yeah!
I dont get it.
A lightbul--
Whoa.
Whoa.
Thats a flush.
Ooh
Ooh
Okay
Your feelings for Erin? Probably your heart... and a little bit your pen1s.
Lets get this over with
Meredith
Angela
Hey. So
OK. I understand. Ill just stay here
Opening with pub pastries? Thats a bold play. Theyre saying
Yeah. Thank you for the food. Oh
You are like a terrible person. These guys care about you and youre just using them. Again
Andy left a carton of milk in the fridge. So
OK
Ew! Ill be your foot buddy.
He just waltzes back in here like he owns the chunky
You know Pams mural? Well
Whoa.
Pete...
Pete what?
Im Kevin.
Didnt you two used to do it?
Oh
Yep. Acidic
Packer
They do. Its awful. And
You dont know that.
James Bond was a spy.
Yeah. He was the best. James Bond would love this cupcake.
Oh
Why would you ask me?
My night was just like that.   Meaning normal.
Nope. I did not see you either.
Ah.
Yeah. No
Uh oh. Shes doing it again.
Whats going on? Oh
Whoa. You go to the bathroom for 45 minutes and everything changes.
This is a documentary? Oh
Did you see this?
Andy
Of course.
What was that word they said when they showed me Skrald mand? Whats that mean in Danish? Cool guy?
Cool. Superhero.
Ooh
Yes! And I knew it the whole time! I kept the secret. I kept the secret so good. You didnt know
Yes
Yes! Ohh! I did it. Ohh
Ohh.
Yes!
Uh huh.
Of course.
Yes. In a way. From one that I bought on Craigslist.
No.
This is flatter.
I cant. I love them all too much. And
Fine.  throws plane
Im not giving up. Im going to keep making planes until one of them flies. Like Wilbur and Orville Redenbacher.
The Mark 47 is ready for launch.   Less paste.
Wait
Ive never met anyone like that.
Could Andy make it as an entertainer? I dont know. You know whos really funny? This bird
Our question is—it seems dumb.
Well
Ooh
I dont think so.
No
Dwights the new manager. He freaking did it.
Yeah
What do you think that was about?
Awesome!
Night
But the coffee in Peru is much hotter.
Ooh
Guys.
Guys.
Guys.
Do you want to see a video of a weatherman who says bold front instead of cold front? Its insane.
Philllip
Whoa.
Thats totally uncool.
Right. Now.
Oh
What? Im moving the ink down in my pen
Dont tell me what to do!
No
Away. Tell Phillip that his stupid little baby wish came true.
Hes not that smart. He doesnt know where I hid his duck.
Cant hear you. Im giving you the silence treatment. How does it feel being ignored?
Phillip got this for me?
That was a really cool move.
Whoa.
What a chubbers. Whoa.
Im losing my balance.
Whoa!
You wanna play with the cactus?
So
Bye
Yeah.
Sir
Yes!
I feel scared a little.
Yes! Whoo
Yes! Wait
Get out.
What does that mean?
Im...good.
At least I got chocolate.
Well
Yes. I did. This one. Now get out!
Well
Youre just saying that to make me feel better.
Is that all it was?
Come here
I missed you!
People actually dance to this. Its in my juke box. None of the money goes to Andy though.
Yeah
Wheres the
Okay.
Arise
Thats not...
What was that stuff?
Ooh! Yes. Uh
Oh
Hey
Yeah
Yes!
If there is one thing that I have learned through this whole experience
What is it?
Oh
Oscar. Oscar.   I think Im gay.
Its just that Im so emotional.
No
