You guys better update your resumes just like Im doing.
Cant you just tell us.
Yeah but Michael
All right.
It was fine.
Martinez.
What part Native American?
Two fifteenths
OK
And
My parents were Mexican.
Thank... Yeah...
Mexican isnt offensive.
Like what?
What connotations
Im just curious.
He literally wont come out of his office.
Michael
Its like a pay decrease.
This is not good.
What was that?
I dont know
I dont know.
Well?
OK
Uh
My nephew is involved with
Donate to the charity?
Thank you.
Thats... thats... thats very generous.
Well
It says it right on the sheet. Look
I just think its kind of cheap to un-donate money to a charity.
Yeah.
Last year
How old is she?
Uh
Per mile.
Thank you
I can help out
What time do we have to come in?
Im on the phone.
Thats supposed to be confidential.
The Dundies are kind of like a kids birthday party
Yeah. Its a terrible system
Eh.
Its a scoreboard.
Kevin and I play this paper football game when Michaels out.
Yeah.
Sweet!
You should ask Toby to teach you Dunderball.
Pair of shoes!
Ah...
Great.
in background
No
No
Pam.
Michael.
What are you implying?
Yes?
Yeah?
This is great.   Oh.
Oh... hey.
Oh.
She had done a background check on me
Yeah. And she was asking me about stuff
Ok
Mr. Scarn
No
Hey
Actually
Ok...
Tin Man. Actually we just a got a memo from IT saying youre doing e-mail surveillance.
Im on a call.
Yeah
I got Creed. And to tell you the truth
Shower radio. Neat.
Thanks
Why are we doing this?
Ill take the ... teapot.
You got a bonus check?
Im in.
Michael? Poor Richards?
Last year
...Lord of the Rings trilogy
Whats up
Ok...
Hello.
Hello?
Yeah I think I came down with the flu.
Yeah
I have the chills.
I feel nauseous and my heads killing.
Michael is there anything you need from me? Id like to go back to bed.
Ill just be sleep---
Are you going to tell Michael?
Hey
Hey
What happened in Michaels office was wrong. I understand it
Its just that were really swamped over here
Are you kidding? I thought it was you.
The best present would be
My mom.
I get here early every morning so I can set the thermostat. I like it a little cooler
What the hell is going on here?
Ive got a time share in Key West that might be available.
Is that Chet Montgomery?
Who is this guy again?
This sounds like a get rich quick scheme.
Skin cancer is treatable.
Its going to be okay.
...Ill do it.
It wasnt me.
What is this?
No
What are you implying?
Okay. Im done with this.
So Pam told me that you do a great Stanley impression
Is that true
You were the one joking around calling Dwight a narc.
Its like child abuse. I say
Angela!
Since Christmas.
No.
Whats the next one?
I dont like looking at it. Its creepy
No.
How bout
Fine.
Again? We do that every year.
Itd be nice to do something for people who are actually suffering.
Let it ride. Let it all ride.
No
Well
Okay.
Im pretty sure Michaels involved because every other time theres been money missing from the office
I went over my books three times.
Yes
Yes
Hi
So
You did?
Well
Were talking more like $3
No. We didnt think it was.
Okay. Thank you
Were trying to find out who stole money from the company.
Did you use any company money for anything? Were just trying to balance the books.
I do
Its 11:15.
I thought you had two kids.
Okay. Thanks for your time.
Im sure its not you
No. Okay. Thanks for your help.
You know
Well
Well
But
Kevin
I really dont think it was anyone in the office.
Maybe it was someone in the warehouse.
Maybe it was Roy. Hes getting married. He can use the money.
We dont think it was you.
But we have to ask everybody if you used any money to buy anything and forgot to report it
Kevin
You dont have to answer that one.
But you dont have to.
So
Yes. She said she didnt do it
Okay
Wait. Here
Its got to be it.
You have to admit
What friend?
What? Thats not even close to being a real person.
Who?
Basically
He said he was leaving right at 5:00.
Okay
I cant. I have errands to run.
Im going to the mall. I need a new wok. Just stuff like that.
Nothing. Nothing. I just want a new wok
That was uncomfortable.
Angela
What is it?
You think hes gonna dust for fingerprints?
What are we even looking for?
Check this out. Michael Scott is the proud owner of a quality Seyko timepiece. You think he paid $3
No
And he keeps it locked.
Okay
Go to the beginning of the month.
Okay. This is pointless. Someone just has to talk to him.
Oh
We
In your books.
You accidentally logged this equipment depreciation twice.
Did you let someone else have access to your books?
Then...
Very well. Very well.
Very well.
No
That sounds like a great
No
Yes Im super cool. I am an accountant at a failing paper supply company
Am I the first gay man you ever knew?
What are you doing?!
Yes Im gay. And I didnt plan on sharing that part of my life with you today
No one else in this office is gay.
You sound pretty defensive Michael.
I think the problem with this office is that you are sending mixed signals about my being here.
I dont think I can work here any longer. This has been the worst
I would rather not.
No
Michael... Im sorry. That was a good idea. Come on
I was going to quit. But Jan offered me a three month paid vacation and a company car. All I had to do was sign something saying I wont sue. Gill and I are going to Europe. Kids
What are you doing?!
Too soon.
Hey
Oh
Hi
The one of all women?
Because Im gay?
OK
I really have no preference. We dont even have to have a party.
Michael --
Why dont you have me riding in on a donkey into the office like Pepe.
Actually
It reminds me a lot of the Three Amigos with Steve Martin and Chevy Chase.
Youre the one who said we needed more culture.
Its her first try.
Meaning what?
Well
Angela
It was crazy.
Well
It was insane!
What are you guys talkin about?
Really
Forty-two.
Thats really not our job.
I wonder how many phone calls youre missing while youre teaching us to answer calls.
Really
Yes.
I expect you to apologize for that
Still said it
I dont wear a Speedo
What?
Come on Phyllis
Turkey is a healthy meat.
If either of these guys are put in charge of the office I will transfer to Albany. Gil can come if he wants. Im kinda looking for a way out of that relationship anyway. I think I might try girls for a while. Angela thinks I can cross over. Well see.
Hey
Maybe you should talk to her? Before...
Michael...
Im sorry
Youre not sure that you have the job.
Good luck
Oh
Do you really think hes qualified for that job?
Mm. Yeah.
So ten thousand of your dollars is worth one real dollar?
What--- What are you winking for?
I dont know
So shes really going to be fine?
Subtle.
You pushed Darryl out the window?
Separate cars.
Like what?
Dwight please!
Youre doing great Michael
More or less.
Creed?
Everything OK?
You did what?
Its never gonna happen.
This is why Im here?
Why arent you in New York?
Michael
Its not pizza.
Stanley
Because were looking up jail time.
Thank God.
Obviously its a real word
Hes not even good at his first one.
Michael
You heard me correctly.
Not at all.
Hey
Still
This is a lot of credit card debt.
Mmm.
Okay
Twelve hundred dollars. Whats a Core Blaster Extreme?
Okay
The red bar is what you spend on non-essentials
This scary black bar is what you spend on things that no one ever
Michael
She has to know.
Michael
Im done!
Jan is smart.
So due to Michaels clever financial maneuvering
Jan.
Michael left.
I dont know.
I dont think so.
Jan
When I was younger I always wanted to be an actor in commercials. Then I realized I had a brain.
To be Edwardian. His best work.
Sure thing Pam
Besides having s*x with men
Can you imagine a life where all you have to do is summer in the Italian countryside?
What are you doing?
Yes.
Very brave.
And George
Okay
How does it end?
Ahhh!
Ok.
Lets be honest
No
Why dont you just have an apple?
Probably went to his head.
Hey
So the figures show improvement right there
Been here nine years. Now all of a sudden Im supposed to park half a mile away.
Wow.
I am livid
Elliot!
We should all make sure to give him a big tip this Christmas.
Why?
Why are you assuming they only speak Spanish?
Good evening
They happened to speak Spanish.
Michael that doesnt seem... safe.
Why are you telling us this?
Yes.
Well see.
Dunder Mifflin paper.
Hey.
Why
Well this is what happened: uh
Theres no proof of that.
Its fair.
I was raised Catholic
Michael
Oh.
Um...
Youre forty-three. Mick Jaggers like sixty-five.
Did you Google Confucius and just print out the first thing you saw?
I... like your hair. I dont know if I told you.
I think Ill just take my chances.
I was going to be in New York tonight
Dont.
You know the octagon sign means stop.
An octagon is a shape. You can see shapes
Okay
I hate to ask you this
You have CDs?
Okay
Case Logic.
Im asking about Certificates of Deposit.
Hi.
Okay
Wow. Now we can afford hard-cover books.
I totally see that.
Yeah
Its a problem with the client. I think
Honestly
Totally
Why dont we make corn burgers?
Seriously
Yeah?
Yes
No
Every few weeks we have the same conversation. Oscar Yeah? Can I pawn off stuff from the office and sell it on eBay? Umm no
I know you have gambling debts.
Promise me you will not take out a small business loan and use that money to pay off your bookie.
You got the loan?
Good luck.
All I had this weekend to eat was a chicken breast and a case of Diet Coke.
OK.   Stanley
Hey
Also -- and no pressure -- the teacher? Hes a catch.
Im gay!
Whats the joke?
Oh
Im messing with you
OK.
Yes
OK.
Oh!
So how was your date?
Oh my God
Because its your making-fun-of-fat-people character.
I think of him as more like... a monster? What about
How was Friday night?
Hell call.
I thought you were already engaged.
That isnt ethics. Ethics is a real discussion of the competing conceptions of the good. This is just the corporate anti-shoplifting rules.
Exactly
Pass.
Ok
Why do we have to pay money to get a gift for his ex-girlfriends unborn sperm bank baby?
Shes got an Orbit  thats a twelve hundred dollar stroller.
Me too.
Great
How does that even compare?
I dont want to talk. I want my laptop back.
So
100 dollars.
Whoa. Awesome.
Here.
Im good.
Andy brought one too.
I made egg salad sandwiches. Do you want one?
Ill check us in.
Im probably going to leave after one drink.
Nice to meet you.
Yes.
Michael
How do you even know theyre gay?
Dont do this.
What are you doing?
If you dont mind me asking---
Okay.
Its just that Ive sat next to Angela for a very long
How could anyone stand that woman?
What do you see in her? Wh -- what do you see in Angela?
I want to know.
You havent had s*x?
Y--Are you guys waiting to get married
Andy
Id like to know. You should call her and ask her. Id like to know whats wrong with her.
Do it! Its a--- Call her!   Oh my God
Why wont you do Andy?
Hey.
Yeah
Hey
I cant believe we called her up.
Im talking about Angela. I cant believe we called her up last night.
You--- you call--- you called her.
Alright.
Okay.
Good morning
Mmm...
What is first base with Angela?
I had a good time too.
Thank you.
No.
To whoever made the microwave mess : the microwave is a shared kitchen appliance. By not cleaning it up you are basically telling whoever follows that their time is less valuable
No kidding.
The note. So holier than thou.
Here are our final actual costs for this year.
As you can see
Alright
Right there.
You can see clearly on this page that we have a surplus of $4300.
But we have to spend that by the end of the day or it will be deducted from next years budget.
Your mommy and daddy give you ten dollars to open up a lemonade stand. So you go out and you buy cups and you buy lemons and you buy sugar. And now you find out that it only costs you nine dollars.
So you have an extra dollar.
So you can give that dollar back to mommy and daddy
And you ask them for money
We have to spend that $4300 by the end of the day or itll be deducted from next years budget.
We should spend this money on a new copier
No
Now listen
Pam
So Michael
Michael?
Im just gonna grab some lunch. You wanna come with?
Stop it! Michael.
The best. Great friends. Thank you
Thats the original.
Do you know?
I think you know.
Does anyone happen to know what 15% of 4300 is?
Whyd you say dollars?
Whats 15% of 200?   Thank you. Everyone
Youre gonna get us a copier then?
Michael
You are a smart guy. I know youll do the right thing.
Hey
I just figured Id rather have new chairs than nothing at all.
Were back on the 5th
What about February 2nd?
Now? Its our Christmas party.
Do you know how to do an intervention?
Where did you get this?
Thirty-one is humanly impossible.
Thats impossible.
What is wrong with you? She is engaged.
Are you serious? Ugh. Where?   Where?   Where
That was good... Its just
There you go.
You said that yesterday.
This is nuts.
Mm-mm. Its 4:10
The Prius is silent if he keeps it under five miles per hour. He deserves the win.
Kevin
See that
Thats the thing about debating
Ah! My hand! Thats hot!
Stay alive! Im getting help!
Youre too heavy!
Michael are you serious? You really want us to roast you?
Thats offensive.
I consider myself a good person. But Im gonna try to make him cry.

Alright Kevin. Enough with the Michael jokes. I think he got it bad enough yesterday.
That reeks
Michael
Wow.
Oh
Two?
Angela
Whered you get that kind of money?
You have your cats on Nanny-Cam?
It could be snacks
Wha-
Good God!


Is she cleaning the cat with her tongue?  Angela licks cat
I have no idea.
I want to get that image out of my head. The psychological issues that go behind licking a cat
TV.
I dont think so.
I cant.
Do you risk telling him how you feel? Do you say something that you can barely admit to yourself?
I was stupid
He told me he wasnt gay.
Im not done yet.
Yeah
Angela
Hes on one of his honeymoons.
He made non-refundable deposits on his honeymoons
Why do you always go to that? Has anyone ever been after anyone in this office?
Its possible.
We can stay a little longer.
Come on
Ten percent?
Theyre our largest client.
Its gonna hurt.
They can.
Yes
Michael
These arent announcements.
Do you have specifics?
At least he is in the building.
I love a good quitting story. It makes me feel like I have control over my own life. Gives me hope. Maybe I will have one of own someday.   But I dream... so...
Thats a lot.

You put a note in my food?
Just to say sterile doesnt make it so.
Do you have a business plan? A funding request? Market research
You need those things. Most new businesses
Five years?
Its just not prudent Michael.
I cant believe this is really happening.
And just like that. As mysteriously as he arrived
Phyllis
Use it in a sentence.
Try another sentence.
I dont know but it sounds like the rundown is really important.
Why dont you just ask him--
What have you been doing?
Nothing. I didnt say anything.
Im sorry youre offended by my shoes
No.
I dont think so.
Meredith
Please dont refer to yourself as our daddy.
Is this our punishment for not wanting to have lunch with you?
What happened to Phyllis?
You invited someone?
Ive been here 8 years and Ive never...   Rude.
Settle down gentlemen.
Dwights right. Corporate deserves to get its ass kicked.
Do you guys need to do this here? This is a public area.
I bet theres something there. I was with them in the kitchen yesterday
I did. Yes.
What?
Are you attracted to other men?

If you resisted Brad Pitt a little bit
Wow. I wish... I wish I could help you. I dont... you might be gay. You might be gay.
What exactly is my responsibility here? To comfort insecure heterosexual men? That cant possibly fall to me.
What? You think Im the voice of the Taco Bell dog?
Michael
You wanted to see me?
Yeah sure.
Is everything okay?
Im sure everything will be fine.   What do you? Whats the procedure
Okay.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
Look
Thank you
Excellent question
Well?
Hold on
Exactly!
We work just as hard as the sales people. We deserve raises.
We would just like to know whats happening. Are we getting a raise
Again
Just--
What the hell?!
Someone please explain it to Kevin.
Pleased to meet you.
You thought I was dating this? What the hell is wrong with you?
Him? Him?
You owe me and apology.
Its not a good idea. Theres no such thing as a good hairpiece.
Oh...
What are you doing?
How long do you take to pee?
Guys
Hey guys
For the record
Uhh. All right
Pam and Jim are on their honeymoon. So theres not the usual balance between sane and others. Toby has mentally checked out since June. Its a very dangerous time. The coalition for reason is extremely weak.
What? What?
Its
No
Jim? Its Oscar. Im so sorry to be calling you on your honeymoon.
Its Michael
Pam
Youre right. Youre right.   Oh
Why would you cancel Jims credit cards?
This constitutes identity fraud.
Whats that supposed to mean?
Why would I love jail?
Accounting-wise
Just- no. No.
Just to be clear
Hold on
You have no sense of boundaries Michael.
Maybe youre right
Hey.
Pam
My mothers in a wheelchair.
Jim
Dont you mean Koi Story?
Oh my. That is small.
Can you breathe okay?
When is the funeral?
Kevin.
How can we not watch this?
It starts on its own. Let it -
Oh. Did - did you see that?
Jim
Jim
Andy bought lunch.
Its not a fight. What other outcome could there be?
How? He cant hit back.
I found the article.  everyone walks over to his desk
Not necessarily
Or it could mean the end of Dunder Mifflin.
Its my blackberry Michael
I just got an email from corporate
Well
This plantation
Youre not gonna answer the phone?
Not again.
The long term problem is bad investments that they need to dump. The short term problem is the company has no cash and theres no where to get it.
Those are the bullet points.
Thats as simple as I can make it.
This is so typical of management to spend money on this. Ugh. Bunch of boobs.
The Dunder Mifflin stock symbol is DMI. Do you know what that stands for? Dummies
Can you believe this? The money they spent on this convention hall.   Excuse me
Oh
These questions are bush league.
Ummm...
Ok
Um..
I feel
I think this has gone very well and I thank you.
Michael
What?
For me.
You - Oscar walks away
Sure.
Are you kidding me?
Hey
They finally let you do it!
Thats funny.
Thats too funny.
There he is.
Is Matt around? I got his check.
Ah
Ill just leave it here with you.  drops checks
Who?
Is it that obvious?   No- hey...
Okay Pam.
Nice to meet you Mark!
Right
I think you dont know what youre saying.
I think we can do it.
Right? Mm. Did we try printer first? Shredder at an angle -
Fax
But I banked six weeks.
Michael. Reading.
The Atlantic.
I should step into sales myself.
Sabre has no caps on commissions. He can make a lot more money in sales.
Manual.
What are we
Thats fancy feast. Ultra feast is something they made up so they can pig out together in the name of ceremony.
The hospital provides dictionaries
Congratulations. Thats great.
I have a question.
In the training manual it says
Im in.
No! No
Way to go
Essentially
You okay? You okay
Hey. Matt
I always come in at 7.
Well... Hey
Yeah.
Yeah
Hey
You know what we havent done in a while? Happy hour. Upstairs
Didnt we? I think we did.
Yeah
So happy hour.
All right.
So what do you think?
I know.
I couldnt understand a word he said.
Maybe youre right. I should count myself lucky.
There he is! Hey
Sure. Hoops!
Hoop it up
Thank you. It didnt even take that long.
Thank you.
Yes.
Erin? I think were out of fax cover sheets.
Sounds like they just got to go home with pay.
Why didnt you do Oscar the Grouch?
El telefono.
Michaels having a hard time with the gender part of Spanish. So I told him to mark everything with the international symbol for gender. And
Your office is full of genitalia.
Thats what he says?
I dont see how we could possibly sell these for that little without losing money. Delivery alone will cost...
Actually
Michael
Dwight
Its not a signal. Its just a coincidence. No
That seems... quick. Even for lesbians.
All that does is help you shoot around things. What does Bin Laden...
Why would you throw something wet at me?
How can you live with yourself?
Whats number one?
The lawyers are searching our hard drives for information on the leak. Thanks a lot
The coffees supposed to be here at 9.
He messed yours up to.
Michael
This is hypothetical. Were talking about Luke who happens to be terrible.
If theres nothing wrong with this
Ah
Oh sure
Yep
Office Administrator. So when did this happen?
Yeah
Totally
Great.
$50
Thats great.
Maybe something not so monochromatic. Not so matching.
It was an amateur production
I dont even wanna know these things!
Andy
Why would you choose a pencil Andy?
What is this about?
Yes!
What?
We were never lovers!
Huh?
I love cycling. Andy
Yes
Yeah.
Yes.
No
Oh...
You are busy! Were in a meeting!
Its pandering. And it makes me think you think Im stupid.
That sounds fake.
Okay.
All right. I can do that. Then what?
Okay.
Meredith
Como estas
Its hard to judge ourselves accurately
So what kind of statement are you making with that costume
Everyone realizes that this coupon book isnt actually worth fifteen thousand dollars
Thats a great name. Youre hilarious. A plus!
Guys? Youre arguing over a one in sixteen chance. Over a prize worth... forty bucks.
I guess you could say Im still in costume. Im a rational consumer.
Stupid coupon booklet. Have you seen my costume? Im a rational consumer.
I present to you the   rational consumer
ERIN!
Why do we have to do something together? I volunteer at a clinic on my own time.
Michael. Get off the bus.
noise on TV
You know what? I didnt read the rules
Jim what are you doing?
Flip it back please.
Go to the recorded version.
What?!
This is why Erin! Were living it! Start recording now!
Did you ever think of WUPHF as an emergency notification system
Whats your money situation?
Sure
Bankruptcy?
How long do you think a week is?
Actually
Michael
Come on Michael. You can...
Where are you getting this information?
Guys its not worth it really. Guys this is not worth our time.
Great. I was wrong. Im wrong. Is everyone happy?
Funny Jim. That is funny.
What is it?
Alright. Alright I get it.
Thats print.
Hes... hes not smarter than me
Hey Michael.
I was thinking about some of the stuff you said earlier about China.
Id love to talk more about it.
Maybe over some coffee later?
Michael
We have missiles too.
Actually
Do you really think that manufacturing is a relevant indicator of where the world economys heading in 2011? Do you know the comparative expansion of say the information sector? Id say thats far more relevant. Wouldnt you?
Dont worry about the coffee
Michael
What?
Whats your point.
Thats not.
That wasnt what we were discu... That wasnt the whole...
Heres a question nobodys asking : Is this worth it?
Why?
State senator.
Who are you dating in the public arena?
Well...
Why would someone hug you?
Senator
Robert seems great. Hes very handsome
Merry Christmas to you.
A real David and Goliath story.
Ill make it. What are you drinking.
I dont know how to make that.
Whos the senator?
Oh
Ill get him water.
It means youre playing someone whos going to destroy you. Why did you play moo?
Okay
A triple word.
Or moon.
Shes stuck on that one thing.
A little treat for our old friend Gabe. Put that q right there.
Put the q there
Put the q there!   Sorry I yelled.
Theres no theater in that.
Well...
We got it! Wow! We got it!
Yes
Ah. No!    . Although I must say
Yes.
You know what Ryan
Which on in particular?
You suppose?
Im suppose to be wearing red gloves but my color cartridge portal
Ok. I got one.
Yes!
Irony is such a critical...
Wow.
Pam
Thats tasteless
Tasteless.
Whos is it? Who wrote that?

The numbers are correct

I jus... I just need a signature.
Yes! The freaking PDA!
Thank you! I mean
Yes
So happy. Yeah.
Kevin!
Are you guys listening to this?
Not occasionally. All the time.
Good.
Just leave it how you said...
Okay
Are you kidding? I wasnt trying to break you guys up.
Go on. Kiss each other already.
I just told them to do it!
Hey
Huh... muffled screaming as he slowly chokes
Michael hows this supposed to work? Packers gonna keep saying terrible things
No. Everybody assumes I am. I always get them as gifts.
Shes the one.
Wanna know how to do it? Heres how you do it. Take her out to dinner. Go down on one knee. If you are in costume
What... Ryan
No.
Where was that.
Will you marry me?
Michael is leaving. And apparently theyve already hired a new manager. And were meeting him today. Its a lot to process. Paperwork wise.
You wanted to talk to us Deangelo?
Well
Michael
Michael

Try Jim DeAngelo
The analytical part of me wants to examine it
I forgive you for kissing me!
Toby is shaking his head
Come on Toby.
Thank you Michael. Its beautiful.
State Senator.
Brava!
Oh Michael! Where do you want your last pay check sent?
You have an address yet in Colorado?
What town do Hollys parents live in?
These sound like good ideas
No thank you.
My God. There is a hardwood floor underneath this carpeting. Why would they do that?
Ill look on WebMD. What are your symptoms?
Firewall.
Could you turn the volume down on the beeping?
Angelas engaged to a gay man. As a gay man
Pam... I think Robert is gay.
So!?
I have a very strong suspicion.
What bathhouse?
confused
My friend at the Scranton Blade is totally plugged into these matters.
Youre thinking of another group. Much wealthier
No. Why would we be talking about the Senator?
Is there a front runner?
Well
Well...
Are you?
You have met a lesbian in real life
Youre right. Youre right. She seems happy. We dont tell her.
Erin
Okay.
I dont think he meant
Go ahead.
Can I say...?
I think it should be Darryl.
Kellys on your side.
Oh
Planking is a very stupid and dangerous trend. Basically
Cultural ghetto? Totally- totally agree.
Good night Andy.
No
Hes fine.
Hes making a statement. Its an ironic comment on our expectations of him. A funhouse image of our model of Kevin.
...C-SPAN?
Let me call you back.
We dont get it.
Really?
Can you believe this?
You cant leave a dog in a parked car.   Snowboarder
I bet this guy didnt leave his weed in the car. OK we have to do something because this is incredibly dangerous.
This guys been gone long enough. Hes lost his right to a window.
Come on buddy
And one for good measure!  Busts out taillight
Why would we take the dog?
Jim
Shh! Shh! Stay there
There we go. That should do it.
What really interests me is the group dynamic of six people winning the lottery. This will not end well. Right?
At least.
Really
Of course. I would. But my hip....I would kill to be at a hundred percent.
Bulk or definition?
Bruce Kenwood. He hangs out at Plant Fitness.
Oh
It used to be Reggie Winters out at Golds Gym. But he moved away. And then it was between Bruce and this guy Dean. Um
Its really not.
Andy
Andy
Wow.
Technically FOR Robert California. Hes our CEO.
Guess we found Andys rosebud.
Its a reference to Citizen Kane. Something that explains why a person became the way they are.
Different school of thought. Lets just agree to disagree.
Narddog.
I always wondered what kind of people went on that thing.
What happened
Mummies are real. There are mummies at museums.
Hey guys. Im an Oscar   liar   weiner.
cuts back to a Happy Birthday cake gushing blood when cut into
There is no story.
Where is this from? That is so upsetting!
Theres an easy way to tell if this device is a sham. We just make a mistake. Ill send an order down to shipping before weve received payment.
When the stakes are this high
Mhm. Six-forty
Nuh uh.
Five eighty-eight plus fifteen percent- Oh no.
Andy.
Dwight be human for once. Shut down the machine.
Why havent we heard anything? Its 4:45. Theres only 15 minutes left.
I made a mistake. Im sorry.
Its not that funny.
He stopped it!
Yeah aesthetically speaking she adds a nice presence.
No
Pam you look more beautiful now than ever.
In this case yes.
Its not fair
Good luck!
Actually it is the northernmost.
Dwight
Stop filling her head with nonsense
Really? Why dont you tell us the real history
hes a historian.
Yes
Yes!
Argh!
What?
Erin-
I apologize for my friend and for the Republicans who are cutting your funding.
Dwight – this is one of the archivists here. I thought maybe we could consult him.
Yeah.
Youve heard about it?
Wow. This is so much better than the story you made up.
Youre right. There should be a monument to this.
Are you really comfortable standing there? I tried one of those and I just never hit the sweet spot.
All I need is another gym. As if I dont have enough drama.
Whos spotting who? Dont use the bike in the corner. Thats Bruces. Jeremy says...
Andy
How mean are we talking about?
Thats Gerald.
Yeah
He did it himself.
Oh
Its not that kind of ladle.
Ah
Kevin?
Yes!
Wow.
Who did this? Who did this? Do you know who did this?
No!
Thats no accident.
What?
What? I havent bar tended in forever. Oh
Dwight.
You really have to say oh yeah every time you eat a candy bar?
Andy
Gosh
Andy
Aw...
Im leaving early today because tonight I have a trivia contest in Philadelphia.
Any other crunch time
Its only the biggest night of trivia of the year. Theres a thousand dollar prize. Im committed to my friends
I dont believe this. What are you doing here
What? No!
And you guys thought this was a good idea?
Yes! Its a gay bar! So you guys want to go home now?
What does this say about you? That you followed me here? That you think youre going to win your sales quota? At a gay bars trivia night?
Good luck.
Salman Rushdie.
rings bell
No! Come on!
Oh
Kevin
That was you
Holy cow!
How many bottles? Three hundred?
Toby! Chateau Margaux ninety-five. You know your wine.
To the kitchen!
Toby
Okay
To both these bears.
Toby! I am Bacchus
Well no one won the pool. Angela wasnt due for another month.
Well Kevin and I have to go
We all got the email
Guys
Knock
We wanted to say hi to the newest little Dunder Mifflinite.
Kevin!
Wow
Oh yeah
Again
This baby is clearly not premature. Theyre lying about the date it was conceived. Its very interesting. And her husbands gay. I dont even know which thread to follow.
Honestly
The only premature baby in this room is the baby this baby ate.
Angela.
I knew that
Chicken marsala.
Mm-hmm.
Dwight. Hey.
He went to the car or something
Dont you want to see the baby?
I promised I wouldnt tell.
Angela got pregnant before the wedding.
She got pregnant before the wedding.
A month.  Dwight leaves
Angela
It just feels like a slap in the face.
Were not questioning his reasons. I just wanna know what they are.
...Andy.
Can we see that? Did you really find it?
Hey
Hey
Its maddening!
Exactly. Thats just like crate training. All night long
Like her genes are so important. The world just needs more Pam/Jim DNA. Thank you
Un-be-liev-a-ble.
Andy.
Order reference number 00983-126.
Jamaican
Terrific.
Good job Andy.
How can we feel safe knowing that there are gangs here? We should call the police right now!
Why are you fixated on this hypothetical transgendered attacker?
Youve gotta be kidding me.
No
With all due respect we know what were defending against: a twelve year old female bully.
You guys
When the team left for Tallahassee
I am dying to know whats in there.
We knew. Ryan told us.
I remember when that balloon went up there. I was still with Gil. We were so happy.
Pam
Actually
What does that mean?
Shes always late
Yeah.
Listen to this.
Were in far too deep. We cant change course at this point.
What I mean to say is we dont want to.
Plus everyone would know who you meant.
To Nellie Bertram
Pam
Yeah.
Times almost up. How many are left?
Nellie
What is this?
Oh come on
Oh
Ryan
It says here this Smokey Robinson dead thing was a hoax. Its on CNN as of two minutes ago.
Whats going on?
my dog Gerald is my life.
This confirms three things: Im right about the senator
I stumbled into a very dramatic situation. Angelas husband just hit on me!
I know!
We were talking about animals
Well
Jim shakes Senators hand
This is interesting.
He does not think Jims gay. A gay man would not leave the house wearing those shoes.
sorry about what? Theres nothing to be sorry about here.
No. Im certainly not disappointed that Angelas husband was not hitting on me. Id have to be a monster to root for that. A lonely
Nice to see you again
okay
why does this always happen to me? Ahh! I just feel so bad for Angela
Why did Binghamton close?
Hello. My names Oscar. Im an accountant in Scranton
No
No matter how hard it gets for you
Do you not own a mirror?
Okay
Its not misleading.
In any case
What?
David Wallace hasnt worked here in years.
Senator Lipton. Hey
Um
That piece doesnt go there.
No
Those guys always change back
Definitely no.
But your mouth is ble—
You know what? I will take Comstock.
Ill come by after work and pick him up.
Cest la vie.
Yeah. Good news
Next question for our oldie-weds-
Pams first celebrity crush.
Then why are we talking about her looks? Why not her credibility? Or her reliability?
Im so sorry
Does Erin have any experience? Has she taken any journalism classes
Im just saying
Well
Andy! Andy! No! I would be very polite today.
Your connection. To Michelle Obama has certain... negative connotations. Most likely
The difference is
Your familys rich! I have to believe that a big part of the Bernard fortune was earned on the backs of slaves.
Really?
Is this like a blooper reel?
What was that? That was just a normal video with you making vulgar noises.
It stands for electromagnetic field. Generally cause by a concentration of wiring in one area   Especially if theyre poorly insulated. Dwight.
No six after the eight
Shh!
Six.  Pete opens air vent over Angela
Hold on
What if it were salads?
Dwight!
Whoa! Whoa! Dwight!
What?
I dont know what youre talking about.
Kevin
Role call.
Senator Lipton
Actually Im the electoral college.
I
Can you guys come with me for a minute?
I know you saw me with the Senator. I think Im in love
Kevin
Can you do this
I dont know what that means. Hey
Perfect.
Kevin!
That actually wasnt the worst cover. Id say at least once a week
Thats a tough one.
Im in big trouble.
Its clearly not an accounting mistake.
So...
Well
I hope thats it
Guys? Excuse me. Um
Oh
Those figures I gave you? Theyre false.
I was mad at Kevin
Yes
What are you talking about? I just did this now.
Sure.
Thats gotta be tough.
Well
No.
You know what? Im sorry. I overreacted. Because Im stressed out. Why am I stressed out? Whos not stressed out? Whos not stressed out? Who-
U..s..a. U-
I have to say Im impressed with Kevin. Uh
Hi.
More like fall cleaning.
This doesnt... Im sorry. Wha... what?
I literally have nightmares in which what just happened happens. I wake up in a sweat. And then I make Angelas husband spoon me back to bed.
Oh
Angela
I just never heard about the senator and yoga...
From you. Im sure its probably nothing. But whats with the yoga already?
And Blake! All right Angela
Angela
Angela!   Angela. There.
On the stairs. Stay calm. Stay down. Oh
Shes repositioning his hips for downward facing dog.
Whoa
Whoa
Just wait. Just a minute. Just watch.
Please. Its Robert whos enjoying it.
This could be the affair that youre scared of. Politicians are wonderful liars. You never know who they really are.   But uh
I dont know
Hes making a phone call.
phone vibrates
Yesterday
Good morning.
Of course
Yes
Its the stupid thermostat! That thing is a catastrophe. So Im gonna
No
She doesnt know. I shouldnt be surprised. This is a woman who married a man who is obviously a homosexual. Basically
I brought you a cookie.
I just gave her a cookie
What?
What are you doing?
Oh
I dont know what youre talking about.
I got it.
What the hell
you are incorrigible!
You hired someone to hit me with a pipe!
What-- what I did was wrong
Angela
Angela
Aah!
Im so sorry. Angela--
Yeah
I didnt realize how many of Angelas opinions I agreed with
Just take her name off of everything.
How would anyone even know--
This is a real thing. Belsnickel is a crotchety
His partner
Ow! You hit people with that thing?
Pam
I wash my hands at least six times a day. Toilet seat covers? Yes
I can appreciate that. I also only eat local
Wow.
Youre a saint
Yeah
Angela.
Angela rinsing Oscars hair
Youre waterboarding me!
I guess so.
Hey
My friend has one of these. Fool-proof espresso every time.
Actually
Try this one.
You guys
YOLO!
Its a thing. It means you only live once.
Well...
Yes!
Thats enough Kevin.
Thats enough!
Its insane! They need to have the A.C. on year round! January too!
Everyone! Now that we have all this energy
Huh?
One
Wait!   Its beautiful. Hardwood! I always knew it was down here
Kevin
Everybody shut up and work!
Kevin
Annex. It must open something in the annex.
What?
Aw.
Loyalty pledge?
People
Ill watch it. Lets get this over with.
Oh.
User error. Ive heard of that happening to other people.
Just – I dont wanna make assumptions based on peoples physical appearances.
Yeah
Angela. Youre going to find out
He said he wanted me there for support.
Angelas husband and I are in love. But
Pam
I was politely saying nothing can be done. I thought I was clear.
That painting is just... How can anyone that weighs less than a guinea hen be so terrifying?
One of his tee shots can wipe out a whole owl population.
Yeah.
Maybe I should be insulted that he only invited me here to be his token Mexican friend. But
He put me here.
Ow! Robert?!
Yes. Sorry about that.
Darryl
All right
Hi. Wed like a couples discount on a pair of foot massages.
We are together. Romantically.
What happened? We thought you were coming back tomorrow.
So
A quarters three months. Thats how long youve been gone.
Youre clearly snooping.
Thats her private property.
Andy. That is her private property.
You could all be doing this
I watch way too many ads online and I dont do enough situps. So I bought these. Now
Ill tell you why. Because...the floor...is...disgusting. Yeah
Can someone please help me?
Just- People! Im not going anywhere. Soon
Oh
Im so sorry
I get red dirt. Nobody is getting red dirt. I shouldve kept my mouth shut. Were not even that close. Ive only known Dwight... 12 years. 12 years. Time is a son of a bitch.
You invited me. You threw the red dirt in my face.
Who is that?
You have a brother?
Theyre a descriptive people.
Who is that?
Dwight has a sister?
Shes beautiful.
Thats it for me.
Toby
Theres a promo for the new documentary on the web.
Hey guys
Dumpster Man.
Three PM Girl
It looks like the camera man was hiding behind the shelves.
Are you kidding me? Its like half the show is secret footage.
Meredith!
Yes
Im sorry sweetie. This whole thing is just freaking me out.
I have been very honest with you guys. In a way that could seriously impact the political career of a very good friend of mine. Youre not going to use any of that
Ok everyone
They caught us kissing on Halloween.
Oh!
Angela! Well he kissed like Jack Kennedy!
Well
You call him!
Stop hitting me!
No!
Oh you?
Hey
Hey.
Um the documentarys going to be airing soon
Very much so.
Absolutely.
Hey
I think thats it!
Done!
Ok!
Our office has an unusually large number of... unusually large people.
So when something as routine as elevator maintenance happens
What?
The Office: An American Workplace airing on PBS next month is a documentary following the employees of Scrantons own Dunder Mifflin Paper Company!
He knew!
You did it
What?!
Why wouldnt you use your own life? Erin just dumped you.
But you just!
Is everything ok?
Thats—thats awful
Angela
I cant say we didnt see it coming. But its a sad day when anybody is fired. Were so sorry
No
Hey
Good night
Tents? Are you thinking of going camping? I thought you found nature vulgar.
Wait a minute. Youre not thinking of living in a—
Okay
Come stay with me.
I do. Yes. Not forever. But until you get back on your feet. Which wont be long. Its the least I could do.
Separate bathrooms.
Youre welcome. Lets go get Phillip. Then well get your stuff...
And get you the hell outta that place.
Oh
No
Angela
I know. I understand more than most
Angela
Angelas divorce from the senator has been very difficult for her. When she got kicked out of her apartment
Saddle shoes. With denim? I will literally call child services.
Why?
Hi
I cant believe the doc is finally going to air. When this thing started
Why didnt you pack the apple snacks?
Seriously
Did we ever have lunch together
Here
He just wont go down. Its as if hes excited by all this paper.
Listen
Well
Hey. Did you manage to feed him? I dont know what it is. He just keeps spitting out the nipple.
Hey
Okay
I think theres
Sure.
Easy.
Hey
No horseplay.
Ok
All right
See you there.
Yay! I am gonna drop Phillip off at my mothers
She doesnt know Im living with a straight woman. I dont want to get her hopes up.
Oh
One thing we do know
Ooh.
Years ago
Thats the reason Kevin got fired. Its his magic number. He used to use it to balance his accounts. He used to call it a Keleven. He told Dwight
Youre back?
Whoo
Yeah!
They wanted me to go to the bachelorette party with the girls. Really? Such a cliché. Im a man. So Im going to the bachelor party with the boys. I just have to remember how I acted before I came out.
WASSUUUUP!
Yeah
Well
Is that a volunteer program or...
If you want her to leave
What is that?
Thank you David.
You take something ordinary
Why do you say that?
Yeah
Youre not gay.
