Hey.
Ryan Howard from the temp agency. Daniqua sent me down to start today.
Yup.
I heard they might be closing this branch down. Thats just the rumor going around. This is my first day. I dont really know.
Whats up? Nice to meet you.
You shouldve put him in custardy.
Yeah.
All right.
Chappelles Show.
I downloaded it on her computer. I hope she doesnt mind. She just had a lot of extra space.
Great. Shes cute
Oh
Did you get the kind with the cookies? Instead of the...
Michael? Are you done yet?
Yeah.
Thanks.
No
Fine
Darryl Rogers?
Yeah
But
OK.
I stretched before I came.
Can we just do one? Thats cool
Same team
Im installing File Share on all the computers.
Yeah.
I would love to.
You dont want to recycle them?
Do you want this?
What about this bottle of power drink?
Blue.
It says flavor: Blue Blast.
No
Well
Wow. How many filet-o-fishes did you eat?
Still.
You staying?
What am I going to do with the award? Nothing. I-I dont know what Im going to do. Thats the least of my...concerns right now.
You a big William Hung fan?
I got your sausage
What was the thing
Im just going to take a nap in my car until work starts.
I did.
I figured I could throw it away now
The temp agency wants to know what you think.
Ah
Uh
Fozzie bear?
Got it.
Yeah.
Ah... adapt
Uh
Okay... uh
No.
...I dont.
I dont want to be like a guy here. You know? Like
Yeah.
Dont...
Thats actually a test prep book.
Thats a test prep for business school.
I just got in. I applied
Yeah.
No
Just started.
I... wouldnt even know where to start.
All right
Is it cheaper to sign a new customer? Or to keep an existing customer?
It is ten times more expensive to sign a new customer.
I am.
I am.
Its a way of looking at consumers as subsets of a larger client base.
Maybe we should get some air.
Im really uncomfortable.
Hey
Whats your number?
Um...
You got to... you got to give it to me again.
Now I have it.
I am so sorry.
I cant believe I started the fire.
Im really sorry
What?
No.
Im really sorry
Oh
Did you ask me here for any specific reason?
Why is that secret?
Updating emergency contacts.
Catch-22.
Whats her address?
Hello?
Do you mean Neverland?
What?
Who is your emergency contact?

Hello?
Is your wife still your contact?
Kay.
Fudge?
Ok
I have the emergency contacts.
Uh
Yeah
Hey
Good.
Yeah
Agent Michael Scarn
Hahaha
I forget it
Dont you mean constructive criticism?
Hey
Huh
Angela drafted me into the party planning committee. Her memo said that we need to prepare for every possible disaster. Which to me seems excessive.
Whoa
Wasnt there a $20 limit on the gift? This is 400 bucks.
Yeah
Yeah.
And I have to give it to her? I dont have a choice?
Yeah
Hey.
Ryan Howard.
What line of work you in
Were running low on cups. Do you want me to just run out and get some?
Oh
I really did not do anything.
Whose butt is that?
Oh
I have a test for business school tomorrow night. Is it okay if I skip the cruise and study for that?
Im already in business school.
Here you go.
Yes. I ordered three full rotisserie chickens worth of all dark meat.
They were out of yams. I got you creamed spinach.
Yes.
They had no yams.
You know
Twice.
I found the pudding cups you wanted in a gas station in Carbondale!
You are very welcome.
No
You sure?
Ok.
I ground up four extra-strength aspirin and put them in Michaels pudding. I do the same thing with my dog to get him to take his heartworm medicine.
Whats that?
Huh?
Yeah
I think.
If I had to I could clean out my desk in five seconds and nobody would ever know I had ever been here. And Id forget too.
Creed did you organize the menu book?
No
What?
What?
Jims been looking at me kind of a lot all week. I would be creeped out by it
It wasnt me. Um... it wasnt me.   It was not me.
Hey Jim
Thats what I told him. Thanks.
Whats up?
What?
I dont know. Depends if you like a little junk in ...   Umm... Shes really cool.
Yeah
Did she say something?
Do you know if shes looking for a long-term thing or if shed be cool just hangin out?
Can you find out?
How about rainbows?
You know what... we could get this done a lot quicker if we formed a type of assembly line.
I hooked up with her on February 13th.
Soda.
I cant tonight. I have plans with my friends.
Cool. Cool. OK.
Yeah.
Youre inviting Jim?
Actually
I know what I said.
You really think youre going to go?
Nice. Send me a postcard.
Jim has worked at the same place for five years. Jim eats the same ham and cheese sandwich everyday for lunch. I dont know. If I were a betting man
Kelly and I both agreed that we would just have fun
Wow.
No.
Uhm...
Yes
Okay.
Stanley yelled at me today. That was one of the most frightening experiences of my life.
Right. Okay.
Um
No! I will... go.
Who uses calling cards anymore?
Someone ate three feet of that thing?
Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa.
I go to a lot of parties.
I am not giving you my keys.
Whats the hard way?
Yeah
I dont think Michaels ever done drugs. I dont know if anyone has ever offered him any.
Cool. Hey
Yeah. Maybe.
Thank you.
Um
Um... lets um
My voicemails really spotty... sometimes...
One beer and one Seven and Seven with eight maraschino cherries
Yeah
All right. Three pairs of pants. Three pairs of socks. Three packs of condoms.
Uh
I dont want ketchup.
Uh
Um... Yeah
Thank you.
Thanks. Um
Oh
When I was five my mom told me that my fish went to the hospital in the toilet and it never came back so we had a funeral for it. And I remember thinking Im a little too old for this. And I was five.
A dime and a nickel.
But the other one is. Ive heard that before.
Because hes my son. The doctor is the boys mother.
He stepped on a block of ice
Its a polar bear because youre at the North Pole.
Yeah.
Yes. Im very excited.
I have spent a year here. I have to commit or get out. Dwights the top salesman in the company and hes taking me on my first sales call today. And
So what if theyre not talking much
I know where were not.
I dont think you know what youre saying.
Uh huh.
Gotcha.
Ok.   Of course.
Hey Dwight
Look man
Yeah.
Who was that?
Is that your Cousin Mose?
Outsourcing and consolidation of competition.
Depression?
Um
No. Ok. All right. All right. Its over. This is over. OK.
No
Look
Wait
Ok
Im going to put everything in terms of real dollars.
Im going to ask a lot of questions that all have sort of positive answers.
Saying
Im going to try to be confident
They really didnt like me.
I dont get it. I dont get what I did wrong.
You drive.
I think about that all the time.
Yeah. Yeah.
So
What?
They said something about Zach Braff.
No
Well
Yes.
Oh
It makes perfect sense that it would happen today because I just received this in the mail.   A thousand business cards with this address and phone number.
I just feel like it could have been something special if we could have kept working together
This kinda worked out perfectly for me. I got some good experience. Uh
Is Jim coming back.
I just dont want it to be weird
Oh
Uh yeah
Hey
Im good! How are you? So...
Yeah.
Um... unless you really
Cool
Yuh.
Yeah. Jim is a nice guy. Thats why I got the desk.
Im sorry. Its just
Sometimes he brings more costumes.
They have business classes there?
Prison sounds great.
Michael
Ah man
Im not feeling so well. Ive got a ton of work to do here. MSG allergy
Thanks.
Doctor appointment
I miss the days when there was only one party I didnt want to go to.
Looks like they forgot the power cord.
No.
Huh?
I am very flattered. I was his second choice after Pass.
Is there a prize?
Hey
Yeah
Hi.
Um...   Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi.
Oh...
Dwight will be missed. Not by me so much
What?
Not right now
Yeah
He hasnt even said a word yet. Just giggling.
Is this the same grill you grilled your foot on?
Oh gross.
Kelly dont do this.
You know what youre doing.
Ok.
You will be a guest speaker... in my Emerging Enterprises class.
If you bring your boss to class
What?
Y-You understand nobodys graduating.
...It doesnt apply.
Quit it!
...Dunder-Mifflin cant compete with the modern chains
And now
Michael.
What we normally do here is more of a question and answer thing.
...It wasnt personal.
Pack my--?
Look
To the annex? Where... Kelly is?
Its only temporary
I think I heard it on Roys side.
Not here. Not here. Not here. Not here.
Yeah
I cant imagine what I would have done.
Well that was funny
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
You know what? I didnt---
Well
I dont know what youre talking about.
No
Dont you see why thats insane?
What about a long sleeve T?
Kelly
I guess I forgot.  kisses Kelly
Will I be too warm in a long sleeve T?
At least were outside.
F and C
Ill go.
Yeah.
Whats the occasion?
Nothing - I think
Uh
I figured. Its cool. I dont - I wouldnt want to be in an office relationship anyway.
Can you just stop this right now
You have to stop yelling at me or Im not gonna do the egg race.
Thats what being a good captain is about. Its about listening to the members of your team.
Last year Creed asked me how to set up a blog. Wanting to protect the world from being exposed to Creeds brain I opened up a Word document on his computer and put an address at the top. Ive read some of it. Even for the intranet its... pretty shocking.
I dont do that stuff anymore.
on phone
Nobody. You and I are done.
Yes Michael?
Back? Why is that Michael?
Oh! Did you do this on purpose?
Did this happen on company property?
I dont think you understand how jeopardy works.

People keep calling me a Wunderkind  I dont even know what that means. I mean
You have reached the offices of Dunder-Mifflin
Hold on one second.   Hey Pam! Its great to see you. Is Michael in?
OK. Should we get started?
Yep
Stop that! Stop that!
You scared me.
Michael and everybody
...let me just say something. I know I used to be a temp here
So...
OK...
Enough! OK? This is inappropriate and it stops right now. Do you understand?
Perfect.
Dunder Mifflin Infinity represents a floor to ceiling streamlining of our business model. The center piece of the campaign is a new business-to-business website interface that will allow us to compete directly with big box chains.
This is a massive overhaul. Were getting younger. Sleeker. And more agile so that we adapt to the market place. All essential personnel will be issued Blackberries for company use.
Ill stick around to help you set them up afterwards. Any questions? Dwight?
This is company-wide
Andy.
Any other questions?   Kelly Kapoor.
Thank you everybody.
As fast as possible. We want to start retraining people A.S.A.P.
OK
Well it is business
No.   Were throwing out the entire playbook
No. Were not. Michael
So
Good.
Kelly...
Kelly
I never cared about you? Six months ago Karen Filipelli sent me an email. Asked me out. I said no
OK. OK.
I can... I cant talk about this right now
Jan.
So elephant in the room
Oh well
Well... you look great.
Scranton suits you.
You were let go.
Is there another meeting scheduled
Ohh... man.
Michael.
Were not doing this today.
OK. This is...
Michael
We have actual work to do.
Well
Michael
Ok. I look forward to hearing your ideas.     Where do you wanna go?
Kelly
You dont?
You lied about being pregnant.
You really dont understand why that might make me kind of angry?
Were never getting back together.
Whats
With gift baskets.
Good luck Michael.
Yes
Next night
Literally.
... Later guys.
Hey Pam. I havent settled on our final design logo yet for Dunder Mifflin Infinity and I know youre into graphic design. Do you want to give it a shot? Maybe try and deisgn the logo?
Cool
Thank you very much.
Cool.
I like it a lot. Its clear and subtle at the same time. Its really good
Id love to talk to you about it more.
Do you want to go out to dinner tonight?
Wear something nice.
What?
I just... I just wanted to have dinner.
Youre kidding?
Thats... great
So let me um
Cool.
That is not correct.
Im not saying I had a meteoric rise... but I did. And if they knew how much I was paying for my haircut now
You should come visit. The city is... amazing.
No. You dont know until you live there. Theres something about waking up every morning and just being in that city.
No. You cant imagine it
No. It... eh... you cant... its not about how it sounds.
Yeah. I created a website. Look
Convergence. Viral marketing. Were going guerrilla. Were takin it to the streets while keeping an eye on the street. Wall Street. I dont want to reinvent the wheel here. In other words
And now from my old hometown
Always a jokester. How about that image? Crystal clear.
Hello Michael
Why is there a kid on your webcam saying that hes being held against his...
steps in front of camera
I sent you an email about the new Powerpoint.
I had IT install the updated Powerpoint on the computer so you can use it for the presentation. I really want people there using Powerpoint.
Hold on
Hey guys! Whats happening? Hows my favorite branch doin?
Okay
Ladies and gentlemen
Is this the first time you ever opened PowerPoint?
You didnt prepare a presentation at all
Im your boss.
You have another job?
You can not have another job if it affects your work here.
It did
Why is Darryl here? He works in the warehouse.
Its not a party. Darryl
How long until you actually get this presentation ready?
You know what I really want? Honestly Michael
What?
No
Do you really know which one is correct?
As an object.
Wait! This doesnt matter. And I dont even care. Michael
Hello?
What?
I told you not to call about small problems.
Thats good. Theyre creative
Its not part of your job
Okay
But Im good at managing people who do sales .
Im on Michael.
You have to know how to work this. Theres no excuse for this.
I can get you a tutor if you need-  Pam walks in and shows Michael a note with a waving
Oh
Take the call
I insist you take your work calls.
Hey Michael.
Im glad youre here. I actually need to talk to you for a second.
Could we talk off the record? As friends?
Jan... has put the company in a very tough position here. Now youve been with us for a long time. Over 10 years
Good. That is great to hear.
Yes
My favorite branch. Hows everybody doing?
Love it. Go.
I can tell you thought about this a lot
David Wallace does too. You told him all about this at the Christmas party
You did. Yeah.
Watch your back Jim. Im just kidding.
Ok thanks Michael.
Im here today to do some creative problem solving about Dunder Mifflin Infinity and field your questions.
Dwight.
This is a temporary measure to increase the legitimacy of the site.
I hear you Stanley
TBD. Phyllis?
Yes
Yes
Its all about creating a one stop shop consumer experience
Do you have a question Kelly?
You too.
Michael let me go. Let me go Michael.
Na.
Sorry man.
But seriously
Unreal.
Bye everyone. Stay real Scranton
I dont know man
Michael.
What are you doing here?
That is so awesome man!
And you brought this guy!
Aww!
I know its you guys.
Im so psyched youre here!
Woooo!
Lets get a drink.
Guys
Ah
Bottle service yall?
Yeah. Hes a normal guy
Dwight Schrute man. Hows Schrute Farms?
This guy owns his own beet farm.
Weevils
Crazy. Thats too much for me man
Yeah.
I dont know
With vodka
Did you want a place where we could meet older women?
Hell yeah. Ill hook it up.
Check again
to Dwight
Lets bail.
Youre doing it man.
Hey man
Its inevitable
Why wouldnt they let me dance?
I dont wanna go back in.
This is a one time thing
One of you guys can have the sofa
No.
No. Guys
Guys
I think its self-explanatory.   Hey
How do you live with a franchise this bad?
Alright
Its actually not a joke. I know how you spend your time here
This is nothing to do with that
Woah
Congratulations!
Dont interrupt.
Congratulations on doing your job. Did you enter the sale on the website?
All right
Dont worry about that. Just re-log it.
Have a seat with everybody else.
You dont know what Im going to talk about.   Actually
Can you get me a cold water?
Thats all right
Thank you.
I spent three years
Okay
Dehydration.
Yeah
Oh
Yeah.
Not really. New York is...so great.
Yes.
No
Yeah.
No.
Youre my friend
Yo!
Haha
Hey
Think fast.   Honestly
The only good bagels anywhere.
Same with coffee
Im gonna go find Toby. Oh
Wallace likes Jim. So going after him - thats a risky move for me
Hows my favorite branch doing?  no one talks
And you got a goatee!
Did you get that after you helped me move and you saw mine?
Hey Kevin...   Thats really funny.
Its great to see you Kev.
Im keeping a list... of everyone who wrongs me. So when Im back on top
Jim. I wanted to apologize... for how I treated you last year. I lost sight of myself and now that Ive quit the rat race Ive realized theres so much more to life than being the youngest VP in the companys history. Ive even started volunteering. Giving back to the community.
I dont need a judge to tell me to keep my community clean.
All right.

Kelly.
I wanted to say Im sorry... for treating you bad the past couple years. I was in my mid twenties and I was goin through a lot of stuff. I think I never fully processed 9/11. Um
We should get a drink later. Catch up. Pick me up around eight?
That--- I
Yeah.
exhales
I did.

Everything. Shes perfect.
Oh...
Ok
Kendall from corporate HR is on line one and Holly is on her way in too.
Two HR reps.
I got her
Gordon Gekko.
... Yeah.
Morning.   Wow. Good morning Dwight.
All right.
Living in the moment.
I dont play the politics game anymore
What?
Oh
Her Americas Got Talent finale party over the summer.   Thats crazy. It was packed. I thought everyone was there. You were there. I remember you being there.
Just checking out where Im going to be pretty soon. When Pam gets back. Gonna be close quarters. Gonna be a lot of tension.
This looks like where Ill probably do my pushups every day.
Yeah... Mmmmm...
This has to happen again. Darryl cant happen again. Look at me. Do you want me to do more push-ups?
Okay. You have to break up with Darryl. I already typed out a text message for you. All you have to do is press send.
Has to be done. Well press send together.
Id like to see him try.
Thats all he wrote?
Can I see it?
Didnt you two date for like a long time?
Were back.
I--- I realized that for whatever reason I... just couldnt do better than kelly.
Yeah.
Youre taking two?
You did that for me?
Are you happy you did?
Whats up?
Yeah
Yeah
You should have hit him man
Hey
I was just back there
Yeah
Ah ha ha
I--- I would find a way.
I--- Pam
I cant do this.
Its not fair to you. And its really not fair to me.
That was your choice  dont put that on me. Im just going on a little trip.
Its not that kind of trip. Im going to Thailand with some friends from high school
Lets be adults about this. Lets have s*x one more time. And if you have any extra cash
Im swamped
Hey
Sixty thousand dollars a year.
What do you make
I told you guys
What size shoes are you guys?
What are those
Where is it?
Do you guys want to hear about Thailand?
It was indescribable.
Do you get TNT? The station? Do you get TNT?
You should come into town this weekend man. Yeah
Please dont listen to my phone calls. Yeah
Pams better at that stuff
How is it insulting to say that youre good at something?
Im not judging it
What the hell?
Yeah I make originals too.
Yeah!
Thats me and my friend Jonathan from Thailand.
You could be hot too if you made any effort. At all.
This is from the sun.
No dont take that
Im gonna make a spreadsheet.
Yeah!
Go make a copy
Or you could fire one of us. Whoever has less education.
Rock the house!
Last night was crazy. Jojo? Yeah. He did a donut in a parking lot in front of a cop. And then he yells
Yeah. I wish my iPod could make phone calls. No I dont want an iPhone
Are we staying til five?
Im texting. I dont want to get my fingers sticky.
Keep going.
Write it down.
Oh!
We did it !
I can get there.
Oh
Yeah.
Finally.
Look at that old dude and his rolodex go.
We can spend a couple days there.
Weve been making 5:00 AM deliveries for a couple weeks now. Ever since Ive gotten clean theres something about fresh morning air that... just really makes me sick.
Michael
Most dorm rooms dont even have that.
Lets see what a delivery guy costs.
Look
Yeah.
Explain what you think that is.
I never went to Thailand.
I went to Fort Lauderdale.
Yeah
Youve never had Pad Thai.
Oh
Hes bluffing
Maybe.
Okay
That were having any problem at all.
No
Just put it out of your mind.
Michael
Well have to talk about this.
How could you do this to me
I would rather have $60
Yeah
Yes
Who is it?
Oh
You look so classy in that picture.
Tough.
You. Us.
Its gotta be because they all want their clients.
What you gotta do is you gotta go down to that warehouse and you gotta crack some skulls.
Chiklis style.
Yes
That looks great.
I can eat.
Im sorry you feel that way
Exactly.
Exactly. This is your first complaint in ten years.
Things have been generally good.
Look
At these prices with this service...
Youre not gonna find this anywhere else.
No
Stop flustering me
Okay.
Michael gave all of our clients back to their old salespeople
I think you should get it. You really grew into it.
If you really think that
Thanks.
I dont do lunch. Im eating five small meals a day now.
Now that Im back to doing the job of a temp
More eyeliner.
Its about me.
Yeah. This looks ok.
No. Its not gonna read on camera unless theres a lot.
Uh... I lived in New York for eleven months.
What can I say? I love music. If I had to choose a lifetime without music or without s*x
Are we doing this or not?
My blood-sugar is getting low!
Thats it. Im done.
Ive got somewhere to be.
Hey
This guy? Youre really gonna make out with this guy?
You really think you can replicate the chemistry that you and I have... with this guy?
Ill see you at 5:00.

Dont vaccinate it.
Hey.
Yeah
Okay
Yes
Probably
You know
Heard you guys are looking for cash for the wedding?
Question for you. Would you guys rather have $100 now
Because you just give me $50 to cover the broker fee
Instead of $5
I was the youngest VP in the company history.
Um... also--
Where were you guys? Do you know how long Ive been waiting here?
Then do it.
Write a book.
Well first of all
What you have are specific families. Whats the guys last name?
Whoa
Ahh
Id rather not say.
...it should go with the persona you already have.
Twenty.
Deal.
This reminds me
Id rather not say.
Thats really not the trend in vampires right now.
Ive always found beauty in uncommon places. Homeless people. Graffiti. Photography lets me capture all that. Have you ever been photographed before?
Well heres what Ive been doing around here. Its for a series on exposure in the workplace.
Hey.
Quick question.
Are you scared?
We heard about the punch.
Im getting concerned that you dont seem to understand whats going to happen. Do you?
alright. See you there.
You dont have to keep saying I do declare. Any time you say something it means you are declaring.
Ill use it when youre done.
Uh
The companys probably going under
Seems like its leaning one way.
Definitely.
So should we wait to find out before we start doing all this stuff?
Do you love her or do you love the idea of her?
Heres the thing. Um
That Id kinda rather not do it all then do a crappy version.
Sounds like you have a really specific vision for it. Do you wanna maybe just take a whack at it?
What?
Great.
Yep
Well
Mmm-hmm.
I will
Uh
Is there internet?
Hows it going? Good day?
Um
I found a copy of it in the copier tray.
I want the same thing you want. I want to take Jim Halpert down. I want in.
Uh
Ugh.
Whoa
Im doing something over here.
What are you talking about?
No no no.
Yeah! That was the idea.
Awesome!
Michael
Um
Did you see Saw?
No
Okay
Could we lure him into an old warehouse or something?
Yes!
We do what they did in Saw! ... I mean
Well suggest something else then! Dont just...
Dont just criticize my idea!
You think of something then!
Nick.
Like Frodo!
Well
Nick. We could make things very
Threatening you? No.  tries to crush an aluminum can
Jim dug his own grave
I would love to.  elevator doors close
Well
I am not interested in anything I have to make myself!
You let me in your bed. But now
Ha ha
Because its St. Patricks Day
Why are you being so weird about this?
Why no kids?
Its my -
No its - how would he even know the Kardashians?
No
Guys
One second.
Guys
If we save em up
I know
Its Kevin as Cookie monster from Sesame Street.
Good work
C.C. me
Thats a little derivative.
Uh
Okay...
Tell her everyone in home room thinks shes fat.
Its easy... you just turn every question around on them. Do you think youre treated differently because of your race?
And then the two of us are cleanin house.
Some diner?! It was the Starlight Diner! Its in a LIFE magazine spread about Americana.
Does she keep her phone locked around you
Does she leave the room when she takes phone calls? Does she keep perfume in her purse? Does she shower before s*x? Does she shower after s*x? Does she...
Sorry
Is there a curtain rod in the room?
Okay.
I dont know why you were in that part of the bookstore.
All right
Im not scream-- Im not screaming.
Good for you
He takes what he wants.
You know what? I think youre attractive
You read my mind.
Yep.
Its hard to live that way man. You gotta really not care what people think about you. I-I dont know how you do it
Woof is a site that Im launching to be the last word in social networking. For just $12.99 a month
Thank you
Its not like they have anything else to do
Picture this: fifty ancient zombies
Okay
I was making a horror movie. But the retirement home wont let me use any of their old people. They wouldnt even let me ask.
No.
Okay
I guess if the director of Paranormal Activity can take a bunch of unknowns and a crap location and make it a hit
Cut! Got it! Very authentic looking. Amazing.
We needed a real reaction for the scene to work and we got it. Congratulations.   Youre amazing.   You are so good!
A prop knife actually costs ten times more than a real knife and we have lots of knives
Well Gabe
Its unprofessional for you. But for me
Whoa. Wait. Stop right there. Your voice
Yeah.
Awesome. Ill direct. Ill produce. Ill act. Ill write the score. Ill be the first to wear all four hats.
mmm I guess so. But does he also play his own soundtrack?   Lets make a movie guys
Havent you heard? During renovations
Wuphf.com!
This is how you build a business. This is how you make it in this country.
-and you jump in front of them.
America is one big mall.
The glasses are a little...  Dwight drops glasses to the floor
Yeah
But if he doesnt?
I-I dont think they usually...skate to such...bad songs.
Okay. Stark Industries isnt real. I run Google. Larry and Sergey brought me in-
Will do.   Wont do.
Its really good. Its a classic. I think you might win the whole thing with that.
No.
Hey
Yeah
Fifty seven. Fifty eight.
Shake things up. Im a Nader guy.
Hope you brought your pipes. Were about to smoke the opium of the masses.
Ive heard of that place. If you go to Cabo San Lucas
For all their generosity of spirit
Hello.
Teach for America girls are way hotter
Welcome to the party. Everybody have their kool-aid?
Hey! Marantz Tubes Sterio. From the 1970s. I respect that. I respect that a lot. Oh hoho. The five Chinese Berilidy Herbs. No kidding. This is powdered seahorse. They say that fifteen Chinese soldiers fought off the entire army of Gangus Kong just using this stuff. You know what they say...
What is this
Were behind.
Hows It Going?
Hey
Whats up Facebook?
You shouldve sent me a WUPHF.
When you send a WUPHF
Thanks Erin.
I love it.
Great
We could sell
New Investors are key
Today
Or we could do that together
Awesome.
Hows everybody doing?!
Good! Now
For my current investors
Washington University. I dont even want to think about selling until our numbers get into the billions.
So Ive decided to open up a second round of investment to friends and family.
No
Fun
Well
We have nine solid days. I love these questions. Keep em coming.
Check this out.
Well
A lot of these guys are just Mac.com
Okay
WUPHF T-Shirts. Who wants one? Just imagine that youre at spring break
Everyones like
Yo
Whats he dropping?! Wow
The first lesson of Silicon Valley
Baby
No
I help you with your things and you help me with my things.
I got this
The Washington University Public Health Fund.
The domain name. Yeah
Have some faith in this idea!
Yes. You alone do
Michael
Hey
I have nothing but ideas. The thing is
Look
Oh
Well
Think about this. You and me on a private plane flown by our private pilot--
Eating our private meal cooked by our private chef.
We totally should.
I gotta work on this.
Yeah.
Im betting on myself.
Hey. Its an ambush here. Nobody here believes in this company. Will you tell them theyre wrong?
Oh... Uh
Okay. I wont let you down.
Im on it Jim. Im on it.
Got it. China has fifty six cities with a population of over one million. The US has... nine.
Actually
Where is Tibet?
When was China founded?
Who is Mao?
Just in case Michael
Hes rubbing his neck. Hes rubbing his neck!
Hes rubbing his neck.
Theres no connection between the origin story and the quest.
We need to know who Jimmy Halpert was before he was bitten by the bear. Otherwise
Well
Well
Okay.
Its amazing. Its so great. Thank you.
Hey
An F train to Brooklyn. Extra bitters.
Okay
The other way.
I just feel blocked. Like Im living
Yeah.
Thats real
Okay
No
In you go.
Yup.
And?
Okay. I dont... I dont like committing to things just like that.
No
Yes.
Yes
And if I flake
Just so you know
Its not irrelevant. Details
We are getting divorced
No
No Oscar
Ok fine
Speaking of
Hey. Youre looking for me?
No you werent.
You wanted to have s*x in my office.
No. Its... its cool. Just try to put everything back were you found it. Text me when youre finished. Ill be out here.
Anybody can be Prince Charming one day a year with the dinner and the flowers and all that. But you know what impresses me? When a guy can do that no days a year.
Ryan is acting as an official for the competition taking place. A line is formed in front of a line on the ice. Standing behind it are Michael Scarn
You should enter it in festivals!
Right this isnt the U.S. Government.
Everything... Everything.
Hey cats
Sometimes you over react.
Free sample?
My mom makes the best pesto in the world. And I always tell her Mom you should sell this
No I meant like uh
Thank you. Whatcha got there?
My mom also makes the best salsa.
Blogs are out but people are texting each other no more animals
Nice.
Cant really tell the...
Will you marry me Holly?
That is so badass. So hardcore.
holds up painting of desert to office
I love when people say like crack when theyve obviously never done crack.
I dont know
Yeah thats great.
Why dont you ask my therapist
How do I feel about not winning Hottest in the Office this year? Uhm
You helped me get off drugs!
Wow.  camera pans over to show that the light is from Michaels St. Pauli Girl Sign
This is... totally unnecessary.
No.
Hey hey
The problem with having It or the X-factor or whatever it is you want to call it
Im sorry
Because what would you have done in that situation
Id die for you too.
Hey
Youre the best. Thank you.
So I am the new customer service supervisor.
And I am also a very dutiful boyfriend when --
All the time.
Okay
Hey! Kelly
Oh
I did not see Rango.
Oh
I felt terrorized.
Dwight
You guys
Cause hes totally gay?
Um
Oh no
Little advice? Take a day off from the whole Jim schtick. Try caring about something. You might like how it feels... James.  closes his office door
I want an outsider.
No
No
Let me guess who you want
I got away with... everything
Take care
Okay
How much memory does it have without the booster?
Im sorry
Uh
I like it
SoHos mostly lofts but OK.
Nice. Right back where I like you.   Can you make ten copies of this for me?
Why not? What are you doing?
Ah
OK
Just give us the address. Well look it up online.
Whats the dress code on this?
This is not funny
Its not broken
Id like to make a toast to the troops. All the troops. Both sides.
Thats because you didnt bring a jacket.
Yeah! Im too hot anyway.
If you get into season 1
Whoopi Goldberg.
Oh my god!
We cant do this Dwight.
Dwight would never be that obvious. Try something like...z64$8.   Not that exactly Jim
Oh!  everyone yelling out
Hey – asking for a friend. Do you happen to know if that new girl is single?
Yeah me too.
So word on the street is she has a boyfriend.
Yes! Have you seen her in a bikini? Amazing?
Hey
Yeah
Okay
Whats the halal option?
Out.
Robert
May I go first?
Raw fish- the disgusting food from Japan that Americans would never want to eat. Now
Well I had to memorize the presentation
Okay
Robert I hate to interrupt. But I would love to pitch you one last idea. I call it the Big Mac idea.
Its really
You know what? Now I remember. That was your idea.   That is 100 percent your idea.
Thats why my foundation – The Dream for a Wish Foundation – is going to put them out of business. Theyre not going to know what hit them.
Actually Ryan.
Bitttch!
Yes!
Will do.
Whoo!
But look
You cant click on these Kardashian links
Im trying but you need to-
That doesnt sound right. I want to say
Yeah?
Okay
I wont look at it.
I cant- I cant not touch it.
Look
Oh
Robert
With ammunition like this we are in for quite a night
To both these bears.
I mean
To madness.
Robert
Hey
Eh
Why am I shorter than the table that Im standing next to?
What are the criteria for going?
Stop calling us guys.
Stop. Stop it Andy.
You have two young dynamic people in this office who know trends
Not both. Just one
But...
No no
You know what might be great? Is if instead of a genius bar we have a lounge area where people can ask questions about the product with other customers who liked it.
It seems to me that the Apple store is kind of like a party. So I think our question is: How do we make this a better party?
Right. Think different
Me neither. Hey
No
Hey
Okay
So whos leading this thing
I cant wait to meet him.
I-
Dude
Dwight?
Oh! Who called it? Nothin but net.
I can field this one.
Ill have a glass of your oakiest chardonnay
A waffle?
No.
Oh
You come with me. Were gonna get you that waffle.
Why would Erin confide in me that shes staying here in Florida if she didnt want me to make some last-ditch
Yeah
Girls know a lot of stuff too
Hello
Right.
Got that.   Get down.
Shh! do you want us to get scolded? Shut your beautiful
Hey.
Hey.
Hey
I know. Can I give you a compliment? Im really impressed by how much youve grown. Since I met you
Yeah?
Really?
Yeah.
Six months?... um
Are you holding this chair?
‘cause I feel like Im gonna fall off.
Im not wearing the right shoes for this.
When people see this presentation
Sabre. Its time to come home.
Yeah
You know what?
God. I wish Kelly were here. She always knew what to say.
Youre so ignorant. You barely know what youre talking about. That is so ridiculous. You really need to read a couple books.
On my God. Youre so embarrassing.  My mom would say the best stuff
And you know that Im capable of this.
What did you think of the presentation?
Oh! Fix means you hate it! I knew it! I need something to drink!
No
Hey Uncle Lucas
Dont talk to me right now. Im sorry. I- I know youre my boss
Sabre... Its time... to come home.
Thought you checker my Tumblr?
Well
How long do you think its been up there
Hey
Yeah!
Hey
Um
Dont shake the baby. Um
Yeah.
Oh
Me too.
Kelly and I broke up and she can do whatever she wants. And her new boyfriend seems awesome
Hey
Maybe we werent right together
I found this the other day while I was journaling and they reminded me of you.
Yeah
You were being really bratty about where we would go out to dinner. But all I remember is how pretty you looked
Im in love with Kelly Kapoor. And I dont know how Im gonna feel tomorrow or the next day or the day after that
Hey
Well thats your opinion and its her opinion
Well a lot of people would say that Im a better match for Kelly than Ravi is.
For Kelly?
Kelly
No. It would cause me too much pain.
This poem would crush you!
You see
You are toxic! You are toxic!
Kelly
Well you do a lot
What is your problem?   Hey
Can we turn this  -ing thing around? Thank you.
Thank you. Kelly
Will you roll those dice with me?
No you dont.
No you dont.
What?
No
Smokeys dead.
Smokey Robinson Pam. He died like an hour ago
Oh you liked him? Thats nice. Did you like when he changed the course of American music like two or three times? Did you like that tracks of my tears is maybe the last true love song ever written? Im glad you liked him Jim. I am completely devastated right now.
Huh?
Oh God
Um... God
Okay
Okay
Thats... Thats not the point!
Okay
Okay well
Yeah... Whos opening?
Paul Anka?! How can they make the Smoke Man play with someone like that? I dont think I can see this.
How much is parking
Dont call me a clown
Oh
Ive actually done a lot of market research and it actually turns out that southwestern Ohio is going to be the next Silicon Valley. They call it the Silicon Prairie. Its a big university town. And
Kelly
Hey.
No
So I was dating this girl
Say hi
Yeah.
No Kelly
Ravi? Ravi? Drake has a bit of a rash. And hes hot.
I was wondering could you maybe examine him for a second?
Actually
Thank you Ravi. Thank you so much. This is great for me and for Drake. Thank you.
Hell be fine. I let me suck on a strawberry. Hes allergic but hell get over it fast. I had to talk to you.
I love you.
Were gonna be together forever.
I finally mastered commitment.
