Well...
It could be out of your hands Michael.
Can you promise that?
Its just that we need to know.
You cant say for sure whether itll be us or them
Fine. How are you?
I admire your cultures success in America.
Who am I supposed to be?
Its collard greens.
Its collard greens.
Theres no dental
looks at keys
Oh
This isnt the big surprise
What about confidentiality?
We all think you dont have a surprise.
Whyd you do this?
Last year
Im sorry?
Why of course?
Whats that supposed to mean?
Hmmm...
Is that from the machine that was in your office?
I thought that was the incentive prize for the top salesperson.
I dont know where they are
I think I did.
Say
You said
I did
Its this person whos hand Im holding Michael.
Well
So
That is my daughter. She goes to Catholic girls school. I am taking it down right now.
Yeah
A little bit more and I would have had it.
Oscar!
Ooh.
Thats one book. Youve got two others.
Okay
Come on people
Okay. Its called Who Would You Do?
No.
To the.
laughs
I dont want to stay until seven again this year.
Michael
I dont care.
Sometimes women say more in their pauses than they say in their words.
Oh
Oh
Its all about my bonus.
I think I do.
I didnt think the premium laser color copy batch would sell as well as it did.
I know how to plug something in.
That was meant for Kelly.
And you should have just bought a $20 gift like everyone else.
All right
Stanley Hudson.
Michael.
I need to know...
What were doing.
You said bring a toothbrush.
Is this an overnight?
Should my wife tell her boss shes not coming in tomorrow?
Not maybe. Yes or no.
In January?
Im not disabled and neither are you.
Mailboxes
Uh hmmmm... .
I mean Im learning nothing.
Im on the phone.
What is?
Hmm?
Excuse me one second
Thats not what a hate crime is.
This here is a run-out-the-clock situation. Just like upstairs.
Go ahead. Get the wallpaper. Wallpaper the ceiling if you want. Call Terri and tell her she...
Why would this affect our bonuses?
Michael?
You said we were getting bonuses.
Cancel wallpaper.
Michael
Shes in middle school.
Mmhmm. What?
A little fishy?
That little girl is a child! I dont want to see you sniffing around her anymore this afternoon
Boy have you lost your mind? Cause Ill help you find it! Whatcha lookin for
Mmhmm
These are all the same?
Is this trip related in any way to your... birthday?
Is that supposed to be me?
I do not think that is funny.
Hmmmpt.
Where did you get these facts?
They are not.
No
I didnt say that.
We sit close.
Wednesdays
You gotta be kiddin me.
Will Lady Fortune give me a raise?
Somebody stole some money. That is fantastic. How much did they get?
I hope they bought something nice
Ill tell you what
Thank you.
I got them a toaster. They called off the wedding and gave the toaster back to me. I tried to return the toaster to the store
If you do that
But... why Dwight?
How does that qualify him to run a branch?
We do not wanna hear about this.
You have just spit on my face.
Nope.
I will NOT.
No
I wake up every morning in a bed thats too small
No way.
Boooooo. Booooo. Back of the line.
This is Pretzel Day.
Thank you!
Three hundred and sixty four days
I dont celebrate Kwanzaa.
I couldnt be happier. Im gonna take the severance and retire. My wife and I are gonna travel.   I really couldnt be happier.
I dont know who these new people think they are. Ive sat downwind of Phyllis stinky perfumes for years. Never said a word.
Back to work. We dont have to get along. We just have to work together.
Got an hour? Ill try to explain.
Trust me. It only gets worse.
Fantastic.
Im going back inside.
You cant cancel a holiday.
What does that mean?
Fruity and delicious.
Oh
My bonus check was a hundred dollars less than you promised.
They said I should talk to you.
I am not doing a lick more work until I get my full bonus check.
Pass.
... Ill take the kid.
You want the lead?
Mind? Nothing would delight me more.
Ah
So good to see you too. Id like you fellas to meet Ryan Howard.
Im gonna let Ryan do a little pitch for you while I do my crossword. Ryan?
Ha ha ha! And you just said
Oh
No.
Of course.
A toaster
Unbelievable.
Goooood bye.
You must have been scared out of your mind.
Yeah
So you and Bob are looking at a historical house?
Mm
Is it nice outside?
Do I need my jacket?
I am upset. Dont I sound upset?
Oh
Excuse me?
I dont care what you call my team.
No
Theres already a twist
Thank you so much.
Do you expect me to believe that youre truly making your recommendations on this basis?
I would rather work for an upturned broom with a bucket for a head than work for somebody else in this office besides myself. Game on!
Uh
growly noises
Sorry about that. Its all about taking points away from Dwight.
How so? I mean... sure thing
Ive never heard you talk that much. I thought it was Kelly.
Amen.
Liquid.
I dont want it.
Make it 100.
No. In fact
The same as the ratio of unicorns to leprechauns.
What is wrong with you? Why did you have to phrase it like that?
You cant be serious. You ran a woman over this morning.
Hello Meredith.
Im... um
No
Zero.
Oh yes I will work out today. I will work out a way to avoid running for a stupid cause.
So weve got what
Hmmm...
I dont know.
If the kid wants to set mine up
Its too little. Use the phone.
Im not driving with him.
Or him.
Yes
No Im not.
You said you werent coming back and we could leave early.
We get to go home?
You find anything?
Why cant you guys do it?
Fine.
Why are you calling me here at home?
Michael
Michael
When Im at home at night in my own house in my sweats drinking some red wine watching my mystery stories
How did Ryan use it? As an object?
Is he right about that?
I bet its Jan spending him straight to the poor house.
Urban? I grew up in a small town. What about me seems urban to you?
I dont understand why sleeping at your desk is better than you not being here.
I got an offer from Utica for more money
I think its because of my sales record.
Money.
Money.
Money.
Yep
Michael? A word?
I changed my mind
I wasnt really planning on leaving
I took an extra shot of insulin in preparation for this cake today. If I dont have some cake soon
Why dont you mind your business?
This is ridiculous.
Theres nobody I hate enough to write her name on this card.
I dont like when my clients call me to help them use the website
When will that be?
Did you not tell the security guard we were working late?
Perfect
Not me.
No.
Leave me alone
DID I STUTTER?
What.
What are you talking about?
I am not going to apologize to you.
Its like I used to tell my wife
Are you serious?
Youre firing me over three words. Have you lost your mind? Do you think Im gonna let you do this to me?
Ive watched you screw up this office for ten years
So Im not fired.
Oh yes
Do you have any idea how to run an office?
Every day you do something stupider than you did the day before.
And I think
He can top that.
But what do you do?! You find a way
Oh
Fine. Here it is : you are a person I do not respect. The things you say
Michael I have known you a very long time
Fair enough.
Has potential to be your best idea yet.
Hmm?
You ran over an employee.
Booyah!
No one paid me to say Booyah. Now pick up the ball.
Now it isnt.
through the fence to Terri
Somebodys always got to be a hero.
Why dont we eat more corn dogs? Theyre delicious.
Corn dogs should be the standard. Corn dogs should be called hot dogs
What a messed up world.
When I had my colitis
How much for one?
Goodbye.
Im taking the dumplings for my wife.
Im taking my dumplings.
Oh
I happen to be losing weight on my own for my own reasons. The truth is
I lost four pounds. I dont know what those other fools were doing
I dont like cake anymore
Tastes changed. Now all I like is baklava.
I dont know about anyone else. But it was a good summer for me. I lost seven pounds. And you know what? Im just gonna take five days off anyway.
This meeting.
Its a quarter to five and I have started to gather my things.
Amen. Just keep the ribs coming.
I do not like pregnant women in my workspace. Theyre always complaining. I have varicose veins
Im done.
Do you want us to look for em?
What?
Heh heh.
Dwight.
Oh my God.
Im with Pam. Chairs.
There he is!
I didnt hear a phone.
Its your job.
Eh...
I will not be the big guy in the tiny hat.
I agree.
Mmmm... chewy.
There was a car.
Whats happening?
What are you doing?
Oh
Some actress
What difference does it make? Attractive
I am trying to be more optimistic in life. Ive got what
Leave it woman!
Im about to die!
Thank you
Its true. Around this office
Not maybe. Yes or no.
No way. Uh-uh.
Are you from another planet?
Boy
Did I stutter?
Im done. Goodbye.
But the doctor said if I cant find a new way to relate more positively to my surroundings Im going to die.
Im not sitting in a wheelchair.
Im going to die.
Oh
I would die.
Im okay with the logic of it.
Yes. I had a heart attack. I would quit
Im not feeling well. I need to sit down.
Oh my God!
Oh my God!
Chocolate.
Its my bio-feedback machine..
It alerts me when my stress level goes up so I can try to calm down.
Yes...
No
Would ya
Please. A little further.
Thats better.
You dont have to lie. Through here.
Four Splenda. Are you crazy?
Are you out of your damn mind?
Were not friends. I didnt think about it.
You really like her
Give me two clients for her.
I have to take care of a couple things. So Andy will be taking over things here. Youre in good hands
I know
Take a nap
Pardon me
I
Ive got a golden ticket idea. Why dont you skip on up to the roof and jump off?
clears throat
Fantastic.
Did you tell him how sick of him you were?
Maybe you should go into your office
Cant you see Im urinating?
No.
No.
No I didnt.
Yes.
Just transfer the damn call.
I dont think he even uses the bathroom.
I prefer   Maradona. Uhhh... Diego Maradona.
From Argentina.
I get it.   You need to see more?
Shes upstairs talking to Charles.
I dont know.
So
What are we supposed to do? They keep undercutting us on price.
How is that going to work?
New File System.
I am not changing the way I do my files.
Its not right. I dont like it.
I had Mexican food.
Who let this boy on the phone?
And me.
You want us to apologize to you?
Thats right.
Are you giving us our clients back?
Nobody likes that stuff except for you.
So?
I would like the memory of a day uninterrupted by this nonsense.
Had to be part of the group.
I usually dont enjoy the theater
Im meeting a client. Do you have a problem with that?
Goodbye.
That is ridiculous. Of course not
Damn! I told her it was a stupid idea to go up in that club.
Its just that... Teris been traveling a lot...
And its been lonely.
Cynthias been keeping me company. She was my nurse
Yeah
I just need you to promise not to say a word about this to anyone. Michael
Im counting on you

You told everyone I was having an affair?
What have we here?
Co-manager of what?
Can I also be a boss?
If you dont smell this
We just need to hear your plan for our raise.
Mr. and Mrs. Stanley Hudson.
Are you crazy? I brought Cynthia with me.
I got one queen size bed.
A queen size bed is five feet wide. I am not five feet wide
If your hat hits me in the face one more time--
Anyone have anything they want to trade for a toaster?
No.
Heh
Did you say Koi pond?
Michael
You just ignore their carp.
Thank you.
Oh lord
This is ridiculous.  gets up to leave
What kind of food?
Im in.
Do we have to play?
Super.
Oh
I thought you were killed by Polluticorn.
That doesnt make you a boss.
Cant say.
Has it really been ten years?
Local businessman pledges college tuition to third graders
Were supposed to applaud you for taking a giant diaper off fake tree?
Not a gun.
Well
I have.
We deserve to know.
Thats ok.
Im going to go look at the Internet.
Hold it!
Why do you find someone for yourself instead of meddling in our affairs?
Hey!
When are we getting to sales topics?
About time.
We need those leads
They arent salespeople!
The Kardashians is a good show.
Not your staff
If we act nice now
That is a dangerous precedent.
Well
This is - nice!   All of us back together.
Good news that you found our leads?
Excuse me.
Dwight
Ill slap you in the face with a rainbow.
I have an idea for your weekend.
Let me get back to my desk right now.
My doctor told me to cut out hot dogs. We all got problems.
How about make-believe land has anything you want?
Oh
It wasnt me.
Phyllis
to Toby
Still behind.
Are you crazy?
Lets just make this kid open this damn car.
Texas justice.
No you will not.
How many paper supplies and ink cartridges to go with that? Ok
Is he still doing his boycott?
You brought balloons to a play?
Interesting subject matter. Im surprised you pulled it off.
Not again...
Youre always asking for our attention.
Seems recent.
Thats what I was thinking
We sell better?
I would like to stay. This pertains to me.
Why do you always assume I have diabetes?
Im outta here.
Hmpf!
Whats a seven letter word for purse?
Nope. Starts with an H.
Hmmm.   Thank you.
looks at the clock
Night
How many freakin vampires am I supposed to care about these days?
Raaah!
This is not the meal I was promised. Im going to have no energy for the rest of the day.
I would run to Mexico if thats where the sandwiches are.
You could feed the hungry. Us.
I...
You dont have our attention.
Im listening.
Yes
I want my money back.
Get us out of this!
Its a bad bet.
Michael
Dwight
Dont tell me how to do my business.
Are you just gonna sit there
Why not just go one for the year?
I will not work in a roach billboard.
Are you trying to kill me?
Pam got those sugar-free cookies I like. Im doing fine.
Yeah
So do they bring in food
You lucky son of a bitch.
I have been trying to get on jury duty every single year since I was 18 years old. To get to go sit in an air-conditioned room downtown
Great.
Im out.
Click the x
In the box.
Woman
The flirtatious tickling.
So something good happening to Stanley is crazy now?
Marry me Holly.
Deangelo
Need a hand?
What are you doing? Have you lost your mind?
Have you lost your mind! Get off my property before I call the police!
I was.
More meetings and-
Wheres the rest of it
Yeah wow!
as Michael walks away
Yes
Mmhmmm.
Is that it?
Is that it?
: $0.50 with a camera pointed at it
We all saw you do it.
in elevator with Phyllis and Darryl
The hell you will! I worked for the last boss for 15 years. According to my doctor
My next boss will be my last boss. Hell be at my funeral. So I would appreciate it if you would take this seriously.  dunks his half-eaten donut in Jims coffee
Ill get over it.
It might be easier if you take a deep breath
I came up with a new thing this summer. I act like Im telling someone how to do somethin. I go on with a long description and then I say
What?
Go in there and just ask the man what it means.
Well
Whats that?
Thats pizza.
We get that every year.
How on earth are we supposed to sell...?
If we could just double our sales
How ‘bout you want us to work harder
Youve got to unleash the power of the Pyramid!
I like what we have.
Any chance Connecticut Casual is Pennsylvania Business
Just some chef.
What the hell is going on here?
How did you get in my car?
Closing time every new beginning...
Ive never heard that song before. And once I heard it
Goodnight.
This doomsdays device sounds like a scare tactic to me.
Try mose1234.
Well...I was saving this for my retirement
I know how to save the company
If your woman is like mine
In the African-American community-
Thought it was worth a try.
how about that two-hole-punch letter? Only the lawyers want that punch at the top and they use legal.
Holiday wishes.
We know exactly what holiday youre referring to.
Ive been here eighteen years and have suffered through some weird thematic Christmases. A Honolulu Christmas
I dont want no Kwanza wreath
Thats right.
Go on
Atlanta.
Keep talking all you want.
Thats it. Im going to go watch the boats on the river.
Youve been meatballed!
Are you ready for some meatball?
Look for your stapler!
Oh okay. Good night.   Whats the haul?
Good day.
Well never have to buy meatballs again.
I moved them. Pants only need a chair if theres a person in them.
Yeah
What?
What the hell
Well see you tomorrow.
You still had eight weeks more than we did.
What?!
Respect it? Youre trying to tell me Kevin Malone deserves more than Stanley Hudson.
If anybodys going to Florida
Florida Stanley smiles. Florida Stanley is happy to go to work. Florida Stanley is who you want on your Florida team.
Why is it so hot in here?
How did a mosquito get in here?
Mmm!   Ugh!
Laugh it up
Youre a nice guy
Did I say Messina?
Get the damn phone.
Life is short. Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse. Thats one of my mottoes.
Its just rum. Im not bored
Its whatever you want.
Or do you only drink with your kids?
Sounds like a hoot. Im in.
Aw
Yup.
Whats under the cloth?
My friend and I are new here in Tallahassee. Would you like to get a cocktail?  Jim slowly slinks down in his seat
My mini bar is oddly out of rum.
Oh
Got it. Good night. Careful Jim
mm-hmm.
uh-huh.
Im on break.
Dont talk to me.
Good to be back.
And we are grateful.
Whos a native?
No. Um-um.
Shes right
You two better watch yourselves.
Can we expect any payroll interruptions?
Oh
Theyre like the new Jim and Dwight.
Mm
American Diabetes Association.
Well somebody owned somebody. And I dont think anybody would buy an Andy.
Do not care.
Whats he measuring?
Well Im not getting paid to work in a microwave oven.
There are a hundred packs..
Shh!
Ninety nine cases..yeah.
How many times do you need to take a stroll?
Boy
No question.
Next stop pies!
Hurry it up for gods sake. Theyre gonna be out of banana cream!
Ugh. I dont want to sit through a whole concert of that.
Show some pride. This is crap.
Why should we help you?
When is my birthday?
I dont know
Now were talkin.
Weve got all afternoon to talk about that.
Ill have the surf and turf with a side order of lobster.
Not enough lobster. Side order.
Dont be pushy Jim. Its tacky.
Is it white wine?
Ooh

I did enjoy grinding your beans
Shuckin your peas.
Yeah.
No. I want Tropical Christmas.
I love Philly. Dirty town.
See you next Christmas.
Ugh. Im not eating mystery meat.
Uh-Uh. No
Thats it. Im getting my stuff. Im leaving for the day.
Get off me!
Alright
Put those away before you hurt yourself.
Ah! So
I usually take a siesta about now.
Its all gone. I didnt get a chance to try them all because Creed poured my Bogota Sunrise in the plant.
Hey
Thats none of your damn business.
This is not natural.
I said something when they were thinking of hiring Jim. Didnt work then. And now look what hes doing to us.
Phil
Shouldve put him out of his misery and just fired her.
Im the same way with horny people.
Uh huh.
Thats where noseyll get you.
Why cant you just do regular sit-ups?
Maybe we should eat the cupcakes. Havent we done enough to Packer? I mean
Me too.
Weve all changed.
Yes
Hurry Pam
She does. But neither of them know about Lydia.
Hello
What the hell? No. This is NOT happening.
I put 17 damn years into this company
This is an abomination.

You own the building. Why cant you fix the elevator in the middle of the night? Who do I look like? Jackie Joyner-Kersee?
Son
You are not my damn boss and you never will be! Guess what? Never gonna happen! Pete! Iced tea. Three sugars
Pass.
Dwight
No

Helllloooo!
Pigeons.
Ooh-hoo
Ohhh...
Thats Benji. Oh
Eee.
A beautiful family.
So I just smiled and complimented her grandkids
Oh

Whos Carla Fern?
Not one of us remembers you saying anything about two thousand dollars.
Andys from the generation that thinks they should all be famous. What happened to the generation that knew you shut up
Cant you just leave?
Yeah. And people worse than him make it all the time. Like Lil Romeo.
He was good.
Over the course of this documentary Ive had three affairs. If you find my body in a ditch
He aint coming.
I heard that.
No one is ready for this. You cant be ready for this. We dont even know what this is.
Ah
Hey guys.
Oh
Yes
I guess this was work being filmed nonstop for nine years.
I missed you too.
I had to pledge $50 to my local PBS station just to get this.
Okay
